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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset....

419 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:36

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

OP posts:
PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 15:44

Op it's your choice whether or not your DS attends the birth. I would recommend it. Does he actually understand how the mechanics of childbirth work? Is he prepared for it?

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 15:45

have you done a birth plan op?

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 15:48

Phalenopsisgirl, you have prepared him for the outcome of your death? omg what on earth are you doing to this poor child? an 11 year old child???? poor poor child.

TonySopranosVest · 27/12/2015 15:48

[blink]

derxa · 27/12/2015 15:50

At the lambing when grown women were going eeeergh What lambing?

PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 15:51

That should say. I would not recommend.

Dipankrispaneven · 27/12/2015 15:53

You and your son are happy for him to have a close-up view of your genitals and, for instance, to see you having an episiotomy? Okaaaay.

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 15:56

If I die, I'm dead regardless of if Ds witnessed it happening. I can't imagine that would be easy for him to cope with either way but we have talked about it.

You can not be serious. Firstly seeing someone die can be far more traumatic than just knowing it happened.

Secondly why would you have your son there if you feel this ia a possibility, to the point you need to have a discussion about it.

A chat about it can not prepare you to see someone die.

This is all ridiculous

PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 15:57

Ok now I am a bit Hmm. You told your 11 year old DS that you could die in childbirth? Really and his still looking forward to the birth?? Wow

TonySopranosVest · 27/12/2015 15:59

The lambing on a FARM? A farm with a bolt gun by any chance? A farm with sister wives? THAT sort of farm?

[glee]

diddl · 27/12/2015 15:59

"Op it's your choice whether or not your DS attends the birth."

Well I would say that it's his as well.

Although even if he wants to, OP doesn't have to let him!

"You and your son are happy for him to have a close-up view of your genitals and, for instance, to see you having an episiotomy?"

Well I should imagine that that is where the midwife will be!

My husband stayed at my top end!

I had two very easy births-no tears or stitches-not everyone has an episiotomy or a really difficult time.

zoemaguire · 27/12/2015 16:02

It's traumatic watching your mother in agony. I've done it (cancer treatment, not labour!), I'm an adult, and I find it hard to deal with what I saw. Fgs don't let your eleven year old find himself in a position where he might watch your labour going wrong. Obviously chances are you won't bleed to death, but the 'I'll be dead whether he was there or not' attitude is ridiculous. If your parent bleeds to death, then yes, actually, it is more traumatic watching it happen in front of your eyes than not Hmm. God, I so hope this thread is a windup.

gamerchick · 27/12/2015 16:05

So do I I'm properly disturbed Hmm

Next the OP will be telling us that nakedness is natural and they all walk around in the buff and pile into bed on a morning for naked cuddles. There seems to be very little in the way of boundaries.

There's something wrong with not seeing a problem with your child seeing you possibly die while getting an eyeful of his mothers muff oozing gunge.

No bairn should see that, they're young for so little a time. Talk about self obsessed. Send the poor little bugger sking and keep your birth to yourself before he gets slaughtered at school.

Chippednailvarnish · 27/12/2015 16:05

This is all ridiculous but entertainingly hilarious at the same time Grin

LuluJakey1 · 27/12/2015 16:05

This must be a wind-up. It gets weirder and weirder.

MyNewBearTotoro · 27/12/2015 16:09

I think it's lovely your family are so excited by this pregnancy and that your DS is so interested in childbirth.

My friends' 5yo DD attended the home birth of their DS and she helped her daddy cut the cord. Three years later she still talks about it with awe and wonder and she accepted the baby as her much loved brother right away. They are very close - impossible to say if that's because she was very involved with pregnancy and birth but it was certainly a positive experience for whole family.

Of course there is a risk something might go wrong but it sounds like you have prepared your son for that possibility (and I don't think there's anything wrong with discussing that there is a tiny possibility you or the baby might die so long as it's not done in a way to completely terrify your DS) and if that happens it will be traumatising whatever. I would just prep your DH in advance to make sure if anything goes go wrong he makes sure to get your DS out of the room straight away. Maybe you can discuss this with the midwives too so that if things aren't going smoothly they signal to DP to send DS out.

Anyway, sounds like you had a lovely scan seeing DD and wishing you a peaceful birth Flowers

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 16:10

when i gave birth to my son whos now 13 i was in males friends car and he ended up there in the labour room and watched me give birth. he did not stay at the head end... but he said it was the best experience of his life and will never forget it. but of course he was an adult. and i really could not care who saw my lady bits at that point.

with the talk about death im wondering if it might be a wind up now as well.

AllThatGlistensIs · 27/12/2015 16:11

Well! Isn't this all just.. precious?

Ye gods Confused Grin

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2015 16:19

Lambing is totally different to a human giving birth! Not least cause the ewe in question isn't his mother?! This is utterly bonkers

Chippednailvarnish · 27/12/2015 16:20

I'm just waiting for the OP to tell us that her DS has bought a placenta cookbook and is menu planning with joy in anticipation of this awesome, amazing experience.

Unless of course the OP snuffs it.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 16:22

I'm just waiting for the OP to tell us they were all present at the conception too.

Including the step-son's girlfriend.

derxa · 27/12/2015 16:22

Ewes don't scream in pain and usually the birth is quite easy with some human assistance. If it's not then the vet comes out and does a Caesarian
but your son didn't see a surgical procedure.

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2015 16:29

Agree with derxa no personal experience lambing but I've foaled hundreds of mares- most live stock find it much much easier, we are terribly designed for birth compared to them - some of the older mares for all intents and purposes layed down, farted and a foal was there.
Human births aren't like that and if you think that him not getting grossed out by a ewe lambing will prepare hkm for the human thing you're barking up the wrong tree

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 16:32

This is starting to sound like a really weird Nativity play Xmas Grin

TheWitTank · 27/12/2015 16:33

You are joking with the death bit right? You honestly don't think an eleven year old would be traumatised by witnessing his mother's death?! You think he would react in the same way as being told you had passed? You are seriously WAY off the mark there. Actually, you can't even see the mark. I speak from experience.
It's entirely up to you how you give birth. I would have a good think through your son being there throughout though.

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