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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset....

419 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:36

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 14:55

i have not read every word on this thread but i dont think i see bullying could have missed it. i only see people saying they can understand why the other siblings would not find it that exciting.

and some people have shared their own experience or their thoughts

Maryz · 27/12/2015 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverOldie2 · 27/12/2015 15:06

I see we've slipped into the Twilight Zone today when someone think its a treat to book for the family, including 2 adult DSs, to go and see a scan of the baby in 3D. It's seriously freaky and I would run a mile if someone invited me.

Fairiesarereal · 27/12/2015 15:08

OP are you going to sell tickets for the birth? Grin

TheSpectreOfMorningtonCrescent · 27/12/2015 15:10

Slightly derailing, but how can you have a 4d scan? Real life things are in visual 3D, what's the 4th dimension, smell, touch or sound? (Old gimmer here)

buildingamystery · 27/12/2015 15:11

Bonkers. It's like being forced to listen to someone's dream. Best kept to yourself. I can't imagine a teen/young man wanting to go.

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 15:15

The thing is the OPs son really wanted this scan. So I don't understand the 'I wouldn't have booked it if step sons had of said they didn't want to come'.

She would have done for her own son.

OP you did this because you thought it would be 'superfun'. That's fine. It doesn't mean everyone else does.

And sorry the whole 'everyone can come to the birth' is odd. Would the midwives even allow that?

I really can't see how having a room full of people while giving birth is good idea.

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 15:16

The original inspiration about Ds attending the birth came from a male midwife on one born saying he had attended his sisters birth aged 11 and he had found it amazing, and it had inspired his later career choice. Since then every one I spoke to who included younger siblings has said what an awesome positive experience they had ( providing the appropriate preparation has been made and they understand what to expect and all possible pitfalls and problems) the only negatives I have heard are from people who have no first hand experience.

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 27/12/2015 15:21

It does worry me somewhat that your son is so keen to "witness a miracle". I fear that you have built up his expectations that the birth will be wondrous, when the reality may well be that it is long-drawn-out and messy, and he will see his mother in a lot of pain, and possibly being cut and stitched. As you've told him that he can be there all the way through if he wants to, you're going to feel that you can't tell him to get out no matter how much you may want him to, and he's going to be hurt if he gets pushed out. If the worst comes to the worst and something goes wrong, it could become a nightmare for him. And what is going to happen if you get hauled off to hospital and he's deprived of his miracle? Please, please think about encouraging realistic expectations.

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2015 15:21

An 11 year old refused a skiing holiday in case he'd miss the home birth of the baby who is "revered by all of them" is it the second coming? ; the grand finale to your inclusive pregnancy... I don't believe a word of it.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 15:23

And if something goes wrong whilst your in labour? you will live with your child having nightmares? see i had a home birth but my children were upstairs because i would not want them present just incase something happened, yes i understand that things have happened with people where they have had no choice, but with homebirths there are always risks and especially if your midwife does not turn up on time and trust me this happened to me.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 15:24

Dipankrispaneven this is a very good post and realistic.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/12/2015 15:24

Your son is in for a rude awakening if he thinks he's going to enjoy the wonder of birth at aged 11.

Ffs. Let him go skiing. You're being weird and selfish.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 15:25

I just knew the birth would also become a spectator sport.

This thread just keeps on giving Grin

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2015 15:26

And if you have to spend a couple of nights in hospital him being away skiing would be a worry off your mind, sorting childcare etc.

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2015 15:28

This is utterly mad.

I know two people in the last 3 months who've nearly bled to death following very complicated births. I can't imagine what on earth would go through someone's head thinking someone would want to watch a birth.

I imagine your son is so keen because you're so obsessed with the pregnancy he doesn't want to be pushed out.let the poor thing go skiing

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 15:32

The male midwifed mother may have had a very easy labour. If you want your son there fine. But he has to have reasonable expectations.

I wouldn't have my eleven year old there. Her birth was fine. Ds' decides to try and come down the birth canal when I was 8cm. Had be manually dilated the last two cms. Most painful thing I have ever felt. I was screaming.

He was then born with the cord wrapped twice around his neck. I lost a lot of blood and passed out. Ds needed extra care.

Your son needs reasonable expectations. Incase it's not the miracle he expects.

Coconutty · 27/12/2015 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 15:37

did not realise the child was 11. i would be surprised if midwife allowed it. not just because of any complications. but the general stuff. theres alot going on and its kind of busy. and there are medical things about anything from needles to babys breathing mask thingy. gas and air. and water proof pads all over the bed and floor. plus 2 mindwifes and mum birthing plus partner. its pretty busy.

Chippednailvarnish · 27/12/2015 15:40

It's a good job you're the first woman on earth to ever get pregnant OP.

PresidentUnderwood · 27/12/2015 15:41

3D scans & children attending home births?

What if scan shows an issue, what if birth is problematic. Dear god. I'm just repeating hundreds of other posters when I say with all sincerity GET A GRIP

PitPatKitKat · 27/12/2015 15:41

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas

At first I thought "scan" was some kind of autocorrect for "film".

Now feel like I have wandered into a parallel universe I never knew existed.

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 15:41

Plus part of my 'inclusive pregnancy' is to have a home birth so anyone who wishes to be involved can be, he also is very keen to attend that,

It's not just the OP son that can attend. She says 'anyone' so both dss' and dss girlfriend presumably.

I really can't see the mw being ok with this. Not that they would probably attend anyway.

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 15:44

Despite being very sensitive about feeling hurt by people cancelling on me, I am actually very gung ho about medical matters and not much reduces me to hysteria. I have prepared Ds about every possible outcome including the worst possible scenario. If I die, I'm dead regardless of if Ds witnessed it happening. I can't imagine that would be easy for him to cope with either way but we have talked about it. He knows there will be blood and all sorts and I will loose my mind, just for a bit. At the lambing when grown women were going eeeergh he just rolled his eyes at their stupidity and was enraptured by the wonder of it

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/12/2015 15:44

What the fuck is an 'inclusive pregnancy'?! What a load of bollocks.

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