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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset....

419 replies

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 10:36

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

OP posts:
fidel1ne · 27/12/2015 17:41

It's fucking ridiculous that you were crying and wailing about some adult stepson not wanting to see the fucking scan yet the thought of your 11 year old watching you or your baby die in childbirth is all 'yeah, no big deal, he can deal with that'

I'm late to the party but oooooh you big hairy liar. I'm not even sure which bit, but there's utter bollocks here.

Yes, it does read as though a spoilt, neurotic princess swallowed a down-to-earth pragmatist, doesn't it?

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 17:42

Honestley? positively bonkers!

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2015 17:45

they are very welcome to pop in.
will cause no great issue to have a couple of people discreetly watch. Hmm
You're sounding downright freaky now, op. Ffs keep your exhibitionist tendencies out of the labour room. Don't turn the entire thing into a circus sideshow you've already done that with the huge audience at your scan

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 17:46

Mum on the run if you are reading my posts then the 20 week scan and our gender ident scan were 2 different things. 20 weeks obviously is for checking health and development, the gender scan is a frivolous optional extra, done privately for some fun and just because. That was the one I didn't think anyone bar my over excited 11 yr old would be interested in which actually caused all the upset originally because my assumption at their disinterest was mistake number one. Although a lot of people seem to be very certain they know that Dss couldn't give a damn I can assure you the fact they were not invited to that scan went down like a bucket of shit.

OP posts:
PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 17:50

If baby dies then that too is something we must accept as never meant to be, sad but in the real world that happens so we will be very sad but accepting.

I have gone from finding this mildly amusing to be slightly annoyed. Having lived through a very close friends DD nearly dying at birth in 2013 I find this comment naive . My friends DD only survived because she was air lifted from Leeds to Lester and placed on life support and had it not been for the amazing staff at that intensive care unit she would be dead. Our friends are still traumatised. God only knows how they would be had they lost her.

I doubt any parent that losses at child at anytime would flippantly refer to the DC death as never meant to be and sad

Utterly ridiculous.

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 17:51

birth takes a long time. he probs get bored anyway

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/12/2015 17:52

Earlier you were 'crushed' that DSS didn't want to attend the super fun of a scan, but if your baby dies, or you die, everyone's going to be all 'meh' and just get on with it?

Aye right.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 17:52

Im not sure ive ever known anyone that has a scan done just for fun!!!!! has anyone reported this idiot?

Floggingmolly · 27/12/2015 17:54

Oh I see! It's to get him used to blood and shit to help him in his future medical career. Why didn't you say? All makes sense now...

derxa · 27/12/2015 17:54

Unfortunately shazz these 4D scans for fun are actually a thing. There's a clinic in my own little town which does them.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2015 17:56

You are sounding weirder and weirder by the minute OP.

This has to be a wind up!

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 17:56

9n the situation of a baby dying. i dont think op can find the right words as such because i dont think there are any. maybe op is coming across cold because although she knows that could happen. like with any birth she does not want to think to deeply about it as its a very difficult thing to think about.

FlatOnTheHill · 27/12/2015 17:56

Why on earth would your stepson be interested in going to this. He can see the scan pics when you get them.
I know you are excited but you really are making a meal of this and being dramatic.

fidel1ne · 27/12/2015 17:59

I'll have a tenner it's a PBP.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 18:00

What a PBP.?

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 18:01

previously banned poster.

PurpleDaisies · 27/12/2015 18:01

Previously banned poster aka a troll shazza

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 18:01

Ah thank you and yes i will agree that it sounds like a PBP.

Original poster
Phalenopsisgirl · 27/12/2015 18:02

I really don't know what to say. I find the polarised opinions of many on here really weird. What works for one doesn't work for all, not everyone is the same, why does everyone feel they know who I am am as a person, my relationship within my family and how my Ds will react to anything! Just because I mentioned I had discussed death and dealing with it with Ds everyone is jumping on that point now. I simply said this to show I am not living in some dream world where everything will be perfect and glossy. I have considered this possibility, and it would be irresponsible not to cover this with Ds . I know myself and how I will cope if the worst should happen. This is not disrespectful to anyone who has lost a child ( or anyone )and struggled to cope. This does not mean I would not grieve, nor that anyone in our family would not grieve. However there can be acceptance as well as grief and death can be approached and coped with without it destroying lives.

OP posts:
fidel1ne · 27/12/2015 18:02

Someone who shouldn't be here.

This stopped being funny at 'babies die, meh'.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 27/12/2015 18:03

fidelibe what another one? One a day ATM here!

expatinscotland · 27/12/2015 18:03

I thought this was all a bit of a laugh until the OP's remarks about stillbirth. Not funny anymore. Fucking crass beyond belief. I haven't had a stillbirth, my child died when she was 9, but I have several close friends who have.

shazzarooney99 · 27/12/2015 18:04

I just hope that you are not in a job supporting people as per what you said about people losing babies ect, as you truly are warped.

PrincessMouse · 27/12/2015 18:05

Ghost I think op is trying to look like a super cool" or is it "super fun" Earth mother but all she's doing is making herself look stupid.

Seriously referring to the death of a new born as "not meant to be" is stupid and naive!

DotForShort · 27/12/2015 18:05

Weirdest. Thread. Ever.

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