To be upset....

[Phalenopsisgirl]

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

Ha! Suddenly there are appropriate boundaries and family nudism isn't a possibility

Tend to think maybe sharing has become too commonplace and everyday

I feel like this too. There can be too much over sharing nowadays. I didn't find out the sex of either of my dc or discuss names or even get a 4D scan because not only did we want the surprise but it was nice to have something to announce to family and friends.

If my baby died I would of course be incredible sad but I don't think running through the streets shouting " WHY! " would be me either. Actually I have dealt with many many mothers who have lost a child in my work and you'd be amazed how well people do cope. Does that mean they don't grieve? Of course not but they carry on and in time they feel better, you are never 'over it' but at the same time life goes on, it would be extremely important to me to be the example for Ds should it happen and being hysterical would not help him at all. I handled miscarriage much the same way. That was sad but nature said no, not this time and I accepted it.

I actually don't feel there's anything wrong with people being in attendance at a birth, if all parties concerned are happy with it.
The problem is that you seem to feel like you are doing human kind a favour with your liberal approach to parenting/childbirth. No-one cares as much as you do. Honestly. This babies life is going to be a series of let-downs for you, I fear, as it won't be the novelty to everyone that you seem to think it will be.

I think it comes across as trying too hard to gel together a blended family with massive age gaps.

They'll gel or not in their own time, without the all inclusive family experiences.

Just don't start crying or putting emotional pressure on them, if they choose not to be present at the birth.

Yeah if he watches you die it's no big deal. he should be fine, and if the baby dies then meh, he'll get over it.
Well done.

Good luck to you OP.
I couldnt have dealt with any of my older children at my homebirths. I dont think you can do your best if youre distracted or feel responsible for someone else other than yourself and your baby at that time.

I find your attitude to childbirth and death rather unnerving actually OP. Your wording is so cold.

I live for batshit threads like this.

If I die, I'm dead regardless of if Ds witnessed it happening. I can't imagine that would be easy for him to cope with either way

You cannot be serious? You don't see that one would be more traumatic than the other?

You are seriously deluded.

It's fucking ridiculous that you were crying and wailing about some adult stepson not wanting to see the fucking scan yet the thought of your 11 year old watching you or your baby die in childbirth is all 'yeah, no big deal, he can deal with that'

I'm late to the party but oooooh you big hairy liar. I'm not even sure which bit, but there's utter bollocks here.

If my baby died I would of course be incredible sad but I don't think running through the streets shouting " WHY! "
I would be running through the streets shouting,'WHY?'

OP, I think you're coming across as rather mental.

I think you're forgetting he's 11, and won't process things in the same way as you, an adult.

If my baby died I would of course be incredible sad

I was incredibly sad when Terry Pratchett (world's greatest author) died.

If one of my babies (or my DGC) had died I would have been devastated. To say the least.

yeah im quite open minded about home births and who should be there. there was something in the ops case that made me feel this is not right. and i think its the pressure there seems to be. i think the scan was for the op, op wanted the children/adult children there. it seems they did not really want to be. With the home birth does the son want to watch or is that something the op wants more than the son.

im having a home birth and if my 18 year old want to watch then she can. this will not be because i think its good for her to watch. it will be to put her of till shes 40.

Sorry posted too soon....
Have you always felt like this, or is this liberal, rather- cold sounding, emotionless response something you've always felt?

Only read first few posts but since when has a 20 week (anomaly? ) scan been called a GENDER scan!???

Really??!!

Is that what we call it.... Is that what it's even for?

some of the responses here are really really inappropriate and out of proportion.

No, a 20 week scan is an anomaly scan, finding out the sex is incidental.

Yes ghostspirit poo has been discussed. Believe it or not poo is also natural! No, he doesn't find poo traumatising either, and I believe other members of my family do poo so it won't be that shocking. This is exactly why I am allowing him in, if he decides on a medical career and in our family that is pretty common plus he shows an inclination already he will come into contact with blood and poo, a lot. Best he gets over the shock of now. 😂😂😂

If my baby died I would of course be incredible sad but I don't think running through the streets shouting "WHY!"

I actually think that's a really crass comment, considering how many MNetters have had still births.

The truth is no-one knows how they would react in such incredibly traumatic circumstances.

It's bizarre. Of course people grieve differently, but for most people the thought of losing a child makes you think that yes, indeed I would go screaming into the street.

To be a puddle of emotion at the start of the day to this at the end is just strange.

Oh seriously. This is just getting ridiculous now. Total nonsense.

Dear God, is there no privacy in your family?

Bonkers conkers.