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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to cancel a romantic weekend as he is not free AGAIN

29 replies

Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 16:28

Can you please let me know if I'm being an irrational cow. It's my new(ish) boyfriends birthday today and after ages of agonising about what to get I decided a nice weekend away. He's in France (he's French) with family for 2 weeks over Xmas and new year..so I hinted that we celebrate the weekend after he is back. I research and book lovely hotel and restaurant. Today I double check he is still free but apparently he has to come back to France for a family dinner as his cousin is back from Miami. So now I have to cancel...am pissed off, how many family dinners does a person need? He suggested we postpone and I said yes sure but I'm sort of thinking the moment might have passed by the time we find a weekend we are both free, plus the place I picked books up quickly. Am I being unreasonable to be in a stress about this? I kind of feel like not bothering and just doing a low key dinner instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 16:30

Ps I haven't told him what I had booked, just said it was a surprise

OP posts:
magimedi · 26/12/2015 16:31

I hate to say this & I hope I am not right, but could be have another romantic interest back in France?

Duckdeamon · 26/12/2015 16:31

Yabu. Sounds a bit of an OTT gift for a new boyfriend, it's very soon after his last trip to France, and it would have been best to make sure he was available before booking.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 16:33

I was expecting this to be a thread by an OW who knew she was the OW, tbh (judging by the title).

You don't sound high in his priority list, whatever it is that is keeping him there.

GabiSolis · 26/12/2015 16:33

I think if he doesn't know what your plans are, YABU. If his family lives as far away as Miami then I can understand him wanting to see them.

molyholy · 26/12/2015 16:34

Are you sure he is totally available?

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 16:35

It's not a gift Duck, it's a romantic weekend. If you don't do that at the start, you sure as hell won't be doing it ten years in Grin

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 16:36

We have been together 6 months.. I dunno is it OTT to book a hotel for his birthday? Maybe? I have no idea :-/ err yes I am 100% certain he is not seeing anyone else. Knew that would get raised!!

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fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 16:39

Hotel and dinner sounds romantic TulipSmile

MackerelOfFact · 26/12/2015 16:42

Sounds like a lovely gift, but if you only 'hinted' about doing something that weekend and he doesn't know you've booked something that it can't be rearranged - then yes, you're being a bit unfair.

For all he knows, you could just be planning to open a bottle of bubbly and watch a DVD.

It's his birthday present so do it when it is convenient for him. And be specific about dates and the fact it can't be moved!

theycallmemellojello · 26/12/2015 16:44

It really depends what was said when you "hinted that [you] celebrate the weekend after he is back." If you told him to keep the weekend free then yanbu to be annoyed that's he's backing out. If you just suggested that maybe it would be nice to do something that weekend then YABU, there's no reason he would have realised you would have something booked. Have to say that the cheating thing sprang to my mind too - French guys are a bit bad for that unfortunately in my experience (www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/03/infidelity-europe_n_4892732.html dug out a random survey too before anyone accuses me of racisim).

VintageDresses · 26/12/2015 16:44

We've been married 25 years but I wouldnt book a weekend away without checking he was free and he wouldn't do it without checking with me.

Duckdeamon · 26/12/2015 16:45

Hotel and a posh meal presumably costs £300 or something: quite a lot to spend. Perhaps not if you're well off or the relationship has moved fast, but if you're not sure when he'll be free to see you it doesn't seem sensible to spend such a lot!

Has he invited you to join him on the visit to france to see the miami relative?

PrimeDirective · 26/12/2015 16:47

You need to tell him if you've booked something like this, otherwise he can't be expected to understand what you are cancelling. You don't have to give him full details, just that you have booked a night in a hotel.

IonaNE · 26/12/2015 16:52

After only 6 months together I find this a rather OTT present, thb (unless you have so much money that it does not matter at all); and I also find OTT "agonising for ages" to decide what to get. Get him a nice/funny t-shirt and make a nice meal at home when you're both free.

Goingtobeawesome · 26/12/2015 16:53

Why did you hint?neither tell him or don't but hinting is silly.

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2015 16:55

Sounds like a great weekend and he is an idiot to miss it for his cousin!

O agree with PrimeDirective. Talk to him, tell him what you had planned (you don't need to reveal location etc).

Be honest and say, shall we just go and you miss the cousin thing, shall I re-book or forget the idea. Do whatever he decides and if you are not happy with it then six months is not such a long time to be too disappointed.

I have not seen some of my cousins in YEARS and they all live a lot closer than Miami so either they are a very close family or this is a bit of an excuse! has he offered to take you to France? I'd explain you want time with him to do something nice and see what he saus.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 16:56

Ah I guess he wants to see the American cousin and I don't want to make him choose as its his birthday and all. Fair enough I only hinted, I didn't fully check he was free and I didn't say I would book a hotel as wanted to keep it a surprise. Perhaps I am moving too quickly. I might just pretend I had booked a nice restaurant.

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Original poster
Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 16:58

No he hasn't offered to take me to France yet... I think it is not ettiquette in France to meet family until very established. I was probably jumping the gun.

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expatinscotland · 26/12/2015 17:00

It's still early days and he's really close to his family (or he has another love interest back home). YABU. Why not just do something more low key for his birthday, like just a nice meal somewhere? It's early days.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 26/12/2015 17:15

We're married and I wouldn't book a whole weekend without checking with OH.

You only hinted. So responsibility is resting with you really. Plus early days, maybe ease up a bit; nice lunch or dinner and a show?

NerrSnerr · 26/12/2015 17:18

I'm also married and wouldn't book a weekend away unless I knew he was free for sure.

GarlicCake · 26/12/2015 17:18

I'd suggest taking his advice - tell the venue there's been a glitch in the arrangements, and can you reschedule for a later date?

Then TELL your boyfriend. It's actually rather overbearing to book out another person's time without consulting them. Fair enough, it was supposed to be a romantic surprise gesture ... but perhaps now you can see why romantic surprise gestures are often poorly received ;)

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 26/12/2015 17:26

Yes good point, I have just cancelled the whole thing now, I did check when I booked that it would be OK to cancel

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AlwaysBeYourself · 26/12/2015 19:24

I think its too soon to do that after only 6 months.

How can you be 100 per cent certain there is no one else though. No one can be that certain even when you have been together long term.