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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a shit

130 replies

Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 12:53

Just found out this morning, that the woman who falsely accused Dh of sexual assault killed herself last week.
It was proved that she was lying with cameras, witnesses etc.
And she had previous for this sort of thing. She was never charged for what she put us through.
I was pregnant when she accused my Dh and I became hysterical. I thought I would damage my baby with the stress. It was an awful time.
When I heard she was dead, I thought "good."
She will never be able to almost destroy a family ever again.

OP posts:
Peppaismyhomegirl · 26/12/2015 17:41

yes in the uk. Maybe I have the terminology wrong? The police said we could do something if we wanted to? We didn't do anything about it just wanted to move on with our lives and let the police telling her off cause her enough embarrassment, we hoped.
We didn't want anything going to court and be made public as even the accusation was damaging enough for dp, who was really upset,

scarlets · 26/12/2015 17:42

If you are 100% convinced that she was lying, which you obv are, your reaction to her demise is understandable. She has put you through an awful ordeal.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 17:45

It's usually a CPS decision peppa. Nobody (victim of crime) gets the choice whether to 'press charges'.

Peppaismyhomegirl · 26/12/2015 17:55

you have to report it to the police to investigate before it does to the cps tho? My understanding was that we could do that?

INickedAName · 26/12/2015 18:01

I think I read false rape claims make up only a couple of percent of rape claims. Not many make it to court, and of the low percent that does, a low per cent results in a conviction. I'll try find the link to the figures when I get more time.

I think many people, when there's no conviction translate that to it's a "false claim" or "she's lying" or "not guilty" when that's not really true, and it makes it sound that false rape claims are larger in number than they actually are. Yes, a small per cent of women may lie and that is worrying and awful for families, like OPs who go through it. It's also worrying that some men get away with it and don't receive justice.

The general suspicion around rape claims makes it harder for women to come forward, because they are met with doubt, the less women reporting and getting convictions, the more rapists there are in society, the doubting and suspisions also makes some people more skeptical when they hear someone say they've been a victim of false claims too.

Sorry you have been through what you have OP. Wishing you and your family a better 2016 Flowers

cleaty · 26/12/2015 18:03

Most rapists are never prosecuted. Men raping women is very very common.

MizK · 26/12/2015 18:10

cleaty of course false rape allegations are rare. Unfortunately they aren't nonexistent. The fact that rape is such a terrible crime and the victims go through hell trying to get justice is unarguable. But OPs husband was found to be innocent and I think trying to throw dirt on his character when he and his wife obviously suffered terribly is wrong.

TartanBirdFeeder · 26/12/2015 18:17

Yabvvvu to post about it, her family Could be on here.

OverTheHandlebars · 26/12/2015 18:25

He wasn't found innocent, he was found not guilty. I don't mean to suggest that he did it (how would I know), but a lack of conviction does not mean someone is innocent.

Groovee · 26/12/2015 18:30

When I heard that the man who stalked me for 3 years had died, I had a huge amount of relief and was glad I would never have to see him again.

My friend who often witnessed the incidents with him, went mental at me for feeling like that! She had the sympathy for his family. Yes they loved him and he was their loved one but he had put me through hell!

Notrevealingmyidentity · 26/12/2015 18:40

Just because there are very few rape claims that turn out to be false and most men who rape are not convicted does not automatically equal OP or her husband is lying.

BlueJug · 26/12/2015 18:44

I feel for you OP. When someone tries to ruin your life - and almost succeeds - the fact that they are no longer in the world and can't hurt you is a relief. You certainly don't need to be sad at their demise.

Those pp trying to accuse the OP's DP when there was clear CCTV evidence to show he wasn't guilty are part of the problem.

I have said on a previous thread that a friend of mine was accused by a bitter woman. He lost his job , his marriage, his kids and now lives in another country. She was proved to be a liar. He wasn't even there - and it was proven - but in the meantime it all crashed down around his ears. It well and truly ruins lives so if someone commits this sort of crime and you a are the victim of it you are not being unreasonable to not mourn the perpetrator when she dies.

kittypaws · 26/12/2015 18:58

i dont think you are being harsh. I have been accused of a crime i didnt commit before it wasnt as deep as rape, it was assault and criminal damage. It dragged out for two years, two years of stress i didnt need and the person who accused me actually did this to me but she had cctv of HER walking around her car and claimed it was me, as the cctv was really bad, it just showed a figure, you couldnt see the face but this was enough for police to charge me. Went to court and she messed up her story and judge even said how could i of been charged with such bad quality cctv and i got found not guilty.
Its just a pointless thing to put someone through, i can image rape would be even worse because that would be a jail term and a ruined life.

Iggi999 · 26/12/2015 19:19

Those pp trying to accuse the OP's DP when there was clear CCTV evidence to show he wasn't guilty are part of the problem
OP never says there was clear CVTV evidence to show he wasn't guilty. Are you writing your own story?
I wonder how many rape victims go on to commit suicide, I hope it is not many obviously.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 20:14

you have to report it to the police to investigate before it does to the cps tho? My understanding was that we could do that?

The CPS decide whether to act on any false allegations or waste of police time. The CPS already had a file containing the conflicting statements and evidence, presumably.

It sounds unusual that you were asked to 'pursue her' (whatever that actually means).

HermioneWeasley · 26/12/2015 20:20

If I'm really honest with myself, I think I would be relieved she was dead if I were th OP. I might feel sad for her family, but I think I'd be relieved that it was definitely over, and she wasn't going to put us or anyone else through what she'd done before.

Original poster
Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 20:45

The cctv showed my dp helping the girl (she was very very very drunk and passed out) with one of her female friends who was sober, the friend then goes to get more help to carry this girl upstairs. The girl then suddenly scratches Dh across the face And Dh grabs her hand away from his face. A female member of staff appears at this point. So they were alone for about 2 minutes, if that.
She ended up passing out drunk and then told the paramedics that Dh attacked her.
Dh got hauled in for questioning 2 days after our baby news and I spent the whole time he was away crying, I didn't know what to think.
So yeah, I am pretty glad she is gone.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 26/12/2015 22:12

Thank god it was on cctv! What a horrible time it must have been for you and your dh.

aurynne · 26/12/2015 22:31

I am sure she has family and friends who will mourn her. If I had been the victim of her lies and she had been close to destroying me and my family, I would be bloody drinking a glass of champaign that someone so destructive was completely unable to hurt me and mine again.

TimeToMuskUp · 26/12/2015 22:44

A friend at Uni who falsely accused a mutual friend of raping her. It was all so incredibly believable; she was a lovely, down to earth, bright kind of woman who you'd never believe would lie. Eventually the case was dropped by the Police as her statements changed several times. She's gone on to have a spectacular career in the courts. He committed suicide, closely followed by one of his parents, who went through the shame and social stigma of those around them believing he'd committed this dreadful, dreadful crime.

The relief must be incredible, and YANBU at all for feeling that. Having seen a family destroyed by false allegations, I can't even begin to imagine how you're all getting through this. Flowers

OddSocksHighHeels · 26/12/2015 22:57

I can't believe somebody has actually recommended drinking champagne to celebrate a suicide. That's disgusting.

BooAvenue · 26/12/2015 23:00

case was dropped by the Police as her statements changed several times.

That does not mean she was lying Hmm

cleaty · 26/12/2015 23:01

He wasn't guilty of attacking the woman as CCTV evidence shows that. But a rape accusation never gets to court unless there is lots of evidence.

Mmmmcake123 · 26/12/2015 23:12

Reading this thread and the mention of CCTV I was thinking he may have been cleared due to CCTV showing him or her not in the right place at the right time and a bit like others thought this doesn't necessarily prove innocence. I imagined long court case.
I also very much felt for op and dh if he was def innocent and understood that you would feel glad in case she kept pursuing the matter. Mainly I worried for op that it had just not been proved and she was living in a bit of a dangerous haze.
OP now that you have provided more info, I think it's very sad.
(No offence but drip feeding is very unhelpful)

Terrihat · 26/12/2015 23:14

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