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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give a shit

130 replies

Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 12:53

Just found out this morning, that the woman who falsely accused Dh of sexual assault killed herself last week.
It was proved that she was lying with cameras, witnesses etc.
And she had previous for this sort of thing. She was never charged for what she put us through.
I was pregnant when she accused my Dh and I became hysterical. I thought I would damage my baby with the stress. It was an awful time.
When I heard she was dead, I thought "good."
She will never be able to almost destroy a family ever again.

OP posts:

Bakeoffcake · 26/12/2015 14:30

Of course some women lie- a very, very small percentage, but women can be liars too. It's ridiclous and sexist to assume otherwise.

OddSocksHighHeels · 26/12/2015 14:33

I think you're misunderstanding what "we believe you" is about. It's taking what somebody says as truth unless it comes out that they're lying and saying that it's ok if you were drunk/wearing a short skirt/flirted, that doesn't negate your experience. It's a far better starting point than "we don't believe you until you've proved it and we've seen a conviction."

helensburgh · 26/12/2015 14:33

I don't think anyone can comment on your feelings unless they've been through what you have.
I think the police should have let your husband know.
Why didn't they charge her with something?

BooAvenue · 26/12/2015 14:42

I think, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, there is an enormous gulf between "innocent" and "not enough evidence to charge/convict".

Obviously I don't know the details of the case personally, but same as another posted up thread, every man I know who has been convicted/accused of rape or sexual assault has been "innocent"

BooAvenue · 26/12/2015 14:43

Was she charged with wasting police time or perverting the course of justice?

Very sad all round really.

Octopus37 · 26/12/2015 14:48

YANBU to not give a shit. It is still sad for her friends and family, but the sadness and grief should quite rightly be left to them.

cleaty · 26/12/2015 14:51

Women can be convicted of false rape charges that are later proven to be true. Read about a case where DNA proved that a woman was telling the truth, in spite of her conviction. Very very few rape cases ever get to court. And innocent people do make mistakes in their testimony and statements.

BooAvenue · 26/12/2015 14:57

Also, I don't think a witness saying "I didn't see him do it" necessarily means the person didn't.

OddSocksHighHeels · 26/12/2015 15:01

I'm a bit baffled by the concept of witnesses to something that didn't happen at all tbh.

Peppaismyhomegirl · 26/12/2015 15:06

Domeyhing very similar happened to my DP. Totally made up and found out she was lying but I know first hand what it puts a family through and how you must feel. We could of lost everything over someone attention seeking when he turned her advances down. I've wanted her dead in the past, I don't feel that anymore but I don't wish her any happiness. It's a tough one, I understand why you would feel the way you do

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 15:12

I agree with Lunr1 completely understandable, and in your circumstances, I would feel the same.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2015 15:15

Its entirely possible for a witness to be able to be able to see that someone wasn't anywhere near where a crime took place.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 15:19

Of course OP is asking us to believe HER that there was exculpatory CCTV evidence etc and that that evidence was conclusive and clear cut.

We have no way of telling from where we are all sitting whether the accuser was being truthful or whether OP's husband was, or even whether OP is. So 'we believe you' is a bit moot.

It sounds as though an unpleasant situation of some sort occurred and that OP was very stressed both of which are very sad.

Now someone is dead which is always unspeakably sad for those left behind.

mrsjskelton · 26/12/2015 15:28

She made your life hell by lying about your husband!! It's up to you how you feel and the fact that you're questioning how you feel shows you're a good person.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/12/2015 15:33

I'm very sorry this happened to you. I hope one day you can find it yourself to forgive her. She was obviously very ill. In all honesty I would probably react the same way you are, but hopefully, given time would see things from a different perspective a while down the line.

Queenbean · 26/12/2015 15:42

She sounds very troubled. I can't see how you can ever be glad that someone is dead though.

cleaty · 26/12/2015 15:45

Rape cases do not get to court unless there is pretty good evidence. At best, the evidence will be mixed.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 15:54

Cleaty is quite correct.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 26/12/2015 15:59

Your reaction is entirely understandable. There will be people who will tell you your are wrong and callous but I think it's unrealistic to expect you to feel any compassion towards her under the circumstances.

CatMilkMan · 26/12/2015 16:09

I once found out someone had just died and was completely relieved and happy about it. The relief that they can't hurt you again was over whelming.

Thornrose · 26/12/2015 16:23

I get that she did irreparable damage to your family but you're all alive and well. You have a beautiful baby. She wasn't going to come back and hurt you again.

She may have had help and support that meant she'd never do something so terrible again.

In the end she killed herself, so she wasn't just getting on with her life while you suffered the consequences. She was ill by the sounds of it.

I could understand if you shrugged your shoulders and thought "oh dear" and weren't able to feel any sympathy but "good", meaning you're glad she's dead is harder for me to understand.

Iggi999 · 26/12/2015 16:32

I suspect the number of people on this thread who know someone who has lied about a rape allegation is well over the national average.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 16:37

It's starting to sound like rape-apologist propaganda, TBH.

Most rapists get away with it. I'm not sure why the lie that many women invent rapes needs encouraging.

Peppaismyhomegirl · 26/12/2015 17:34

For what it's worth our instance wasn't rape, and never made it to court. The police came round and spoke to him and everyone in the house that night and it was very apparent she was lying as her story was impossible compared to everyone else's. It was very stressful and part of that stress was how thoroughly the police questioned everyone to ensure there was no case to answer. Ir never went to court was dismissed in a few weeks by the police and we had the option to pursue her for false ligation a if we wanted.

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 17:37

we had the option to pursue her for false ligation a if we wanted.

In the UK?

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