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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching someone on a web cam

126 replies

Iliketoparrty · 24/12/2015 19:50

Last night I watched a friends 9month old as she was going out. I know she wouldn't be back until late 3/4am so agreed to stay at her house over night.

Friend usually cosleeps with baby but I didn't feel comfortable with doing so, so I agreed to sleep in the same room as the baby instead. Everything went fine, the baby slept through and was easy.

This morning I was telling friend about how we got on, baby eating sleeping etc when she said "I know I watched you on the baby monitor from my phone" I was HmmConfused. She then said " I didn't know you have a tattoo". I have one on my hip.

I didn't know she had a web enabled baby monitor and would never had slept in her room had I known. I'm a wriggly sleeper and can often kick off blankets and tussle my clothes.

I said to her I thought it was odd she was watching and that she could see me as well as the baby. I would have thought the camera would focus on the baby.

She said no I like to watch whoever is looking after baby as well. She said she has a few other cameras around the house as well "just encase".

I told her I didn't like being watched and I wouldn't babysit at her house anymore.

She said IWBU as this is " what any mummy would do"

Really? AIBU?

OP posts:
WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 27/12/2015 21:17

www.spyequipmentuk.co.uk/articles/what-is-a-nanny-cam

This website says it's illegal to record in a bedroom.

Ohbehave1 · 27/12/2015 21:59

Cameras In the house - not weird.
Not telling a friend the cameras were in the bedroom. Weird, untrusting and blood rude

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:00

That would usually be the nannies bedroom not the childs.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:01

Actually I think cameras in a house are weird.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:02

That would usually be the nannies bedroom not the childs

That misses the point the mother knew the OP would be in the baby's room.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:03

I can't believe anyone is trying to justify this weird, devious and possibly illegal behaviour.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:06

Not trying to justify it at all, I'm just having a related conversation alongside the initial post and doing so after stating I use camera equipment in my home but that I may certain that people entering are aware.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:11

lass you may think it's weird. I don't.

I use cameras in my home because I have several carers in and out constantly 24 hours a day as well as nannies. Many of these are agency staff.

Several of the people these carers are caring for whilst here are exceptionally vulnerable to certain behaviours and are none verbal. It protects the staff as well as protecting the people.

But carry on thinking it's weird if that amuses you

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:17

I used to employ a nanny. I don't need one now but still have a cleaner and a gardener. I don't feel the slightest need to film any of them.

kungpopanda · 27/12/2015 22:21

Leaving the camera issue aside, how could you remain friends with someone who refers to herself as 'a mummy'? Not 'what any mother/parent would do' but 'any mummy'. Bleeuargh!!!! Infantilised thinking and behaviour = lack of boundaries = spying on a friend taking care of your child with no regard to friend's privacy...

The only reason I would go back into that house would be to torch it Xmas Shock

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:22

SockAmnesty the situation you are describing is clearly different from a standard residential situation. I still think routinely wiring up an ordinary home is weird.

Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 22:25

Can't believe this! There is no excuse, by shielding the fact there was a camera and commenting on a discreet tattoo, this to me is voyeurism. I'm not buying the worries for the child in this particular situation as if you were that paranoid you wouldn't go out and take the gamble.
What would she have done if you had not treated the child properly? Activate the rc pistol hidden in the wardrobe? It is a very poor excuse.
BTW I am not against parents wanting to keep an eye on their most cherished and do understand that if you alert a sitter, they could abuse elsewhere. Just think if your fears are that strong you shouldn't go out.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:27

I live in a perfectly normal residence.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:29

Fine , your description of multiple carers coming and going didn't make it sound so. I didn't feel any need to have a camera spying on any of my nannies.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:31

But as I said earlier, I have warning stickers up and make sure people who come here know about the cameras, I do not disclose the location but do make it clear being recorded and viewed inside the house is very likely

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 22:32

lass 5 of my children are disabled. Some of them are adults

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 22:33

Which is why I said your situation sounded different.

futureme · 27/12/2015 22:45

Not the point but I'm kind of jealous she has a whole gaggle of people to babysit!

Chopz · 27/12/2015 22:55

Yes the situations cannot be compared at all. You have multiple agency/unknown paid carers. OP was a good friend of the family and doing a favour. She potentially could have got changed in front of the camera and as a result she was vulnerable to being inappropriately recorded.

LyndaNotLinda · 27/12/2015 23:02

I never understand why people raise totally different situations on threads like these. I have friends who have installed cameras in their parents' home as they're very vulnerable. That's entirely irrelevant to the thread though.

OP YANBU - your friend sounds completely paranoid. I'd be absolutely furious if I were you too.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 27/12/2015 23:09

If it wasn't voyerism the mother should have pre warned her friend. Rather than not tell her and creepily spy on her sleeping. Who knows who else she was showing her phone screen to?

Oldraver · 27/12/2015 23:26

Just how many people are willing to babysit sometimes overnight for this woman ?

Chopz · 28/12/2015 00:05

Babysitting over night is a huge ask in the first place

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2015 00:17

Carers, being filmed in a client's bedroom, while warned is a completely different situation.

The issue is secret filming in a bedroom. FFS I'd be livid.

MistressDeeCee · 28/12/2015 03:46

She's a bloody weirdo. The "I didn't know you had a tattoo on your hip" comment is outrageous. What does watching your body have to do with babysitting? I would never set foot in her house nor watch her child again, not even away from the house. You don't even know whether someone else was looking at that 'phone with her. Or how long she was watching you. She's a creep and if you've any sense you'll bail out on this friendship

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