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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching someone on a web cam

126 replies

Iliketoparrty · 24/12/2015 19:50

Last night I watched a friends 9month old as she was going out. I know she wouldn't be back until late 3/4am so agreed to stay at her house over night.

Friend usually cosleeps with baby but I didn't feel comfortable with doing so, so I agreed to sleep in the same room as the baby instead. Everything went fine, the baby slept through and was easy.

This morning I was telling friend about how we got on, baby eating sleeping etc when she said "I know I watched you on the baby monitor from my phone" I was HmmConfused. She then said " I didn't know you have a tattoo". I have one on my hip.

I didn't know she had a web enabled baby monitor and would never had slept in her room had I known. I'm a wriggly sleeper and can often kick off blankets and tussle my clothes.

I said to her I thought it was odd she was watching and that she could see me as well as the baby. I would have thought the camera would focus on the baby.

She said no I like to watch whoever is looking after baby as well. She said she has a few other cameras around the house as well "just encase".

I told her I didn't like being watched and I wouldn't babysit at her house anymore.

She said IWBU as this is " what any mummy would do"

Really? AIBU?

OP posts:
hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:04

Wtaf? This is ridiculous Shock could you imagine if you'd been inspecting your private areas or applying haemorrhoid ointment or something?

Dump
Dump
Dump........

Euripidesralph · 25/12/2015 15:10

Wtaf? I admit to being overprotective as a mum and I think she is being beyond creepy and unreasonable

Back away slowly she's a freak

kessythirteen · 25/12/2015 15:44

I would be furious. And I think it's illegal.

SquinkiesRule · 25/12/2015 16:27

She's a freak, she should tell you if she was watching baby, then you wouldn't be put in any uncomfortable position. I've not be watching her child again. It's like she's waiting for something to happen so she can have a go at you or something.

knobblyknee · 25/12/2015 16:43

No! Thats way beyond weird, its intrusive and I'm not sure its legal. Does she record any of it?

WHY would any sane person put an 'iffy' person in the same room with their vulnerable precious?

I would complain to the police and them them fucking explain it to her. If there was nothing untowards going on she wouldnt have told you and laughed about it. Angry

RaspberryOverloadingOnTurkey · 25/12/2015 17:06

The camera thing is weird, the not telling you is unforgivable.

Have to agree with this, would be friendship over as far as I'm concerned.

I'm concerned that she may be recording stuff, and as it can be remotely accessed, what about hacking?

OP, I think you're right to be telling your friends, they have a right to know as well.

midnightsunshine · 25/12/2015 19:14

She should have warned you about the camera! I'd be mortified if someone had been watching me undress and sleep etc.

We have a baby-monitor camera but it's very obvious and makes a noise when it swivels. It's angled towards the cot, I can remotely swivel it round to view the room (it's linked to my phone so provides a continuous video feed when switched on) but I wouldn't dream of using it to spy on a friend! If I wanted to leave it on so I could check on the baby I'd warn friend it was on and give her a camera-free room to sleep in!

MiaowTheCat · 25/12/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Damselindestress · 26/12/2015 00:43

Totally out of order for her to have a hidden camera in the room you were sleeping in! If I was sleeping there I would probably have brought pjs to change into so I would be more comfortable and could've inadvertently got changed in front of the camera. That's a complete betrayal of trust from your friend. And then she comments on private stuff she has seen about your body based on spying on you while you sleep! Creepy as fuck! She clearly doesn't care about anyone else's boundaries. I wouldn't watch her child again even at your house because I wouldn't feel like doing her favours such as free childcare and would worry that her paranoia would cause further problems. She needs to understand there are consequences to her behaviour, including losing friends who she treats disrespectfully.

UnGoogleable · 26/12/2015 00:54

Creepy as fuck.

Also, how often did you and other friends babysit for this woman with a 9 month old baby? If she's that concerned about her child, perhaps she should go out less.... Hmm

Original poster
Iliketoparrty · 27/12/2015 14:34

Hi sorry for not updating. I meet up the my other friends who also babysat for her to tell them about the cameras.

Most were unhappy with them and her as I was and won't be babysitting in the future. Only one wasn't bothered and couldn't understand what the problem was.

I haven't spoken to my friend but DH tried to drop off the baby's Christmas present but she wouldn't take it. Its a shame how this has turned out but I can't see myself being as close a friend in the future.Xmas Sad

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/12/2015 15:28

...I can't see myself being as close a friend in the future...

I couldn't see myself being any sort of friend in the future. Apart from anything else, with such a complete non-understanding of personal boundaries, who knows what else she has been up to? (I can think of a long list of things which I wouldn't want to do in private or in public with her around - too many to allow a friendship to survive even if she was otherwise the most wonderful company.)

Her poor child - and Goodness help the pre/primary school providers and other parents when the child becomes of school age.

I reckon I'd report her to the Surveillance Camera Commissioner. It might not get anywhere but at least it could be a shot across her bows to alert her to the fact that her behaviour was/is not acceptable even if it were not strictly speaking illegal.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 16:04

Completely bonkers and possibly illegal ?

I don't think shops are allowed to have CCTV in changing rooms. It surely can't be legal for her to photograph someone undressing or in underwear without permission?

cozietoesie · 27/12/2015 16:12

I just don't know whether it would be regarded as illegal - in domestic premises between 'friends' - that's all. I'd still report it though - if only as a shot across the bows as I said. If she isn't warned about the behaviour now, what might she be like in later years?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 16:36

I just don't know whether it would be regarded as illegal - in domestic premises between 'friends' -

I'm not sure the "between friends" carries any weight if the friend didn't know about it and agree to it.

This woman has set up a camera which allows her, her husband and anyone else they might show it to, to watch the OP getting undressed.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 16:37

I have cameras all around my house that I can remote view however I also have clear signs and verbally make certain people in my house know, I also only use paid professional childcare

LTB · 27/12/2015 16:50

Surely having a surveillance camera in a bedroom without someone's knowledge is voyeurism. I am Shock at her behaviour and the fact that she is treating you as if you are in the wrong. As the baby is 9 months old that is presumably how long she has been viewing the footage.

FixItUpChappie · 27/12/2015 17:01

creepy to think that we are possibly being filmed at all times these days Confused I am surprised one of your other friends thought it was fine.

To film you without letting you know - invasive breech of privacy IMO. What if you slept in just your unders and a t-shirt? what if you'd undressed in the bedroom? What if you'd taken a moment to look at a funny mole on your fanny?

It's just so I wrong.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/12/2015 17:03

YANBU to be annoyed and if be tempted to worry her and say she has broken the law by filming someone without their knowledge or permission.

Grapejuicerocks · 27/12/2015 17:56

I can sort of understand an employer filming a nanny in secret -in public rooms, never their bedrooms, but this is unforgivable. Surely you trust your friends or you don't, in which case you should seriously reconsider your friends.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2015 18:36

I can sort of understand an employer filming a nanny in secret -in public rooms, never their bedrooms, but this is unforgivable

I am fairly certain that if an employee is not told there is CCTV it is illegal whether or not it is in a public room.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 20:19

It is perfectly legal to film in your own home providing it is in no room where a guest would have a reasonable expectation of privacy, this would rarely apply to the childs bedroom.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 27/12/2015 20:23

The OP had agreed with the mum beforehand that she would sleep in the childs bedroom. Wasn't a last minute decision. So yes, she should have been able to expect privacy.

Secretly filming someone in a bedroom where they will be sleeping and therefore a good chance of undressing is very wrong and quite possibly illegal?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 20:31

No reasonable expectation of privacy in a bedroom you are sharing

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 27/12/2015 21:10

Even when the person you're sharing with is a baby?