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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching someone on a web cam

126 replies

Iliketoparrty · 24/12/2015 19:50

Last night I watched a friends 9month old as she was going out. I know she wouldn't be back until late 3/4am so agreed to stay at her house over night.

Friend usually cosleeps with baby but I didn't feel comfortable with doing so, so I agreed to sleep in the same room as the baby instead. Everything went fine, the baby slept through and was easy.

This morning I was telling friend about how we got on, baby eating sleeping etc when she said "I know I watched you on the baby monitor from my phone" I was HmmConfused. She then said " I didn't know you have a tattoo". I have one on my hip.

I didn't know she had a web enabled baby monitor and would never had slept in her room had I known. I'm a wriggly sleeper and can often kick off blankets and tussle my clothes.

I said to her I thought it was odd she was watching and that she could see me as well as the baby. I would have thought the camera would focus on the baby.

She said no I like to watch whoever is looking after baby as well. She said she has a few other cameras around the house as well "just encase".

I told her I didn't like being watched and I wouldn't babysit at her house anymore.

She said IWBU as this is " what any mummy would do"

Really? AIBU?

OP posts:
TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 24/12/2015 21:14

I reckon she has broken the law here surely? Vicarinatutu would know.

Cindy34 · 24/12/2015 21:17

Not informing you there was a camera seems wrong. You need to tell someone if you have a nanny cam so surely she should have said that the baby monitor could be logged in to remotely.

Iwanttokillthem · 24/12/2015 21:23

I would be more concerned about who else was seeing the video footage while she was out.

Im sure she wasnt looking in total privacy and if it was clear enough to see a tattoo on a hip in the dark what else was there to see?

Im freaking on your (and your friends) behalf.

Windingstreamswithoutends · 24/12/2015 21:25

It's not illegal - you can film in your own house. It's just nuts

DancingDinosaur · 24/12/2015 21:30

She's clearly not a friend if she doesn't trust you. I would never do that to a friend.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 24/12/2015 21:32

Weirdoooo....

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 24/12/2015 21:33

Glad you're not babysitting again. Totally weird. Blimey you could have been walking round the bedroom naked for ages!!

Zucker · 24/12/2015 21:34

Odd as 2 left feet. Definitely tell your mutual friends.

Redglitter · 24/12/2015 21:41

I'd be telling anyone and everyone who has ever babysat for her before or is likely to in the future

OnlyAFoolsChance · 24/12/2015 22:34

I have a baby video monitor upstairs in the hallway of my house. The kids all know its there, and its only accessible by my laptop or phone and to be honest I only access it when things are kicking off.
Long and short, older DSS with ASD has a habit of picking on our younger DS and we put it in the hallway out of sheer frustration as he's not allowed in DS bedroom anymore as he would go in and bully him :(

I would NEVER have it turned on if there were others in the house, and currently because things have calmed down again with the boys its sitting unplugged in the kitchen.

I have my reasons for having and using ours, and it doesnt record, just live stream when accessed. But it works for me and my sanity.

That said, I find it unacceptable thinking of the lady in the OP, to have these dotted around, ask someone to babysit and think its is ok to not only neglect to tell them these cameras are there, and lets face it surely they're hidden if the OP never seen them? But to also then be so blunt about the fact she has watched the OP from outwith the home on the webcam, and make references to tattoos on her body. That to me is a complete invasion of privacy, and bang out of order.

Surely the right thing to do would be to say in advance, "look its not I don't trust you, I have anxiety issues surrounding baby and I like to be able to feel close enough to make sure they are ok" and leave it up to OP whether or not she feels comfortable enough to go ahead with babysitting?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/12/2015 22:36

God I was hoping this was a troll thread but you sound genuine. What a creep. Tell her to do one and warn all of your mutual friends about this. There is being a protective parent and then there is batshit crazy.

PeaceOfWildThings · 24/12/2015 22:40

I think it might be illegal to film someone without them knowing, in a bedroom, even in your own house.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2015 22:47

No clue about UK law but here it is illegal if there is a presumption of privacy. So I would expect to be in private in a bathroom, therefore shouldn't be surveilled. In my place of work it's not private so can be surveilled.

In a bedroom, even in someone else's house, I would absolutely have the presumption of privacy.

gamingmum · 24/12/2015 22:51

If it had been her husband who turned round and said he had watched you sleep and had seen a private tattoo you defo would not accept this. Neither would she so why is it acceptable for her to do this? She was very unfair to your friendship to not inform you beforehand.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 24/12/2015 22:57

God how weird.

It's one thing to have a camera but to have one and deliberately not mention it ?

I wouldn't be happy.

Sallyingforth · 24/12/2015 23:04

I very much hope that she had the security set properly on those web cameras. If they are just left with the default settings it is easy for anyone to hack into them from anywhere in the world.
There are websites that provide links to such cameras, totally unknown to the owners. You could have been spied on by any number of people.

breezydoesit · 25/12/2015 12:35

im not someone who uses the phrases "creeped out" or "uneasy" very often but that is exactly how I feel. Id be calling time on that friendship

Patapouf · 25/12/2015 13:59

Fucking hell that a beyond creepy 😕

Ginkypig · 25/12/2015 14:13

It's fucking weird. She's fucking horrible.

If it was me I'd go mental and agree completely that you should tell all people you know who could go in her house they are there.

If you had wrote this about a father rather than a mother doing this esp due to the hip tattoo comment there would have been outrage on here (there already is)

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 25/12/2015 14:16

Having cameras around the house to keep an eye on the baby is OK IMO. I can see why she'd want them due to undercover filming catching babysitters abusing children. But she should have told you first...although I suppose in a way it defeats the object if she lets sitters know they can be watched everywhere but the bathroom because anyone dodgy would just abuse the child in the bathroom wouldn't they. Clearly she has trust issues around her baby which is a shame.

ephemeralfairy · 25/12/2015 14:20

As others have said it is illegal to film someone without their knowledge. Tell her that.

Seeyounearertime · 25/12/2015 14:36

If shes so paranoid about the people babysitting that she has to have cameras installed and remotely view them then why isnshe getting people to babysit in the first place?

Mentalist

Sallyingforth · 25/12/2015 14:45

As others have said it is illegal to film someone without their knowledge

To be clear, it is only illegal in places where the subject has an expectation of privacy. That of course certainly applies in this case. It doesn't apply in public places.

PrimeDirective · 25/12/2015 14:47

That friendship would be well and truly over for me.
What a vile thing to do. A very creepy invasion of your privacy.
I am sure that would be illegal under the circumstances. The presumption of privacy is key.

RockinHippy · 25/12/2015 14:47

She is an absolute FREAK!! & it IS illegal to film people, especially in potentially compromising situations such as getting undressed for bed etc. She is clearly do nuts & entitled that she feels that she has a right,many else mention your tattoo - creepy AF

You absolutely did the right thing, and yes your other friends DO need to know !