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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching someone on a web cam

126 replies

Iliketoparrty · 24/12/2015 19:50

Last night I watched a friends 9month old as she was going out. I know she wouldn't be back until late 3/4am so agreed to stay at her house over night.

Friend usually cosleeps with baby but I didn't feel comfortable with doing so, so I agreed to sleep in the same room as the baby instead. Everything went fine, the baby slept through and was easy.

This morning I was telling friend about how we got on, baby eating sleeping etc when she said "I know I watched you on the baby monitor from my phone" I was HmmConfused. She then said " I didn't know you have a tattoo". I have one on my hip.

I didn't know she had a web enabled baby monitor and would never had slept in her room had I known. I'm a wriggly sleeper and can often kick off blankets and tussle my clothes.

I said to her I thought it was odd she was watching and that she could see me as well as the baby. I would have thought the camera would focus on the baby.

She said no I like to watch whoever is looking after baby as well. She said she has a few other cameras around the house as well "just encase".

I told her I didn't like being watched and I wouldn't babysit at her house anymore.

She said IWBU as this is " what any mummy would do"

Really? AIBU?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 24/12/2015 20:16

Wow! If she'd told you she had cameras, and you agreed, that would be one thing. But to watch you then tell you...not on.

If she doesn't trust you, she shouldn't leave the baby with you.

No way would I babysit again.

LynetteScavo · 24/12/2015 20:18

Actually I wouldn't mind someone having cameras, but I'd like to know. It would be the not knowing that would really annoy me.

Scarydinosaurs · 24/12/2015 20:21

I most definitely would not babysit again- doing it is one thing, but watching you on CCTV without telling you is completely out of order.

LeaLeander · 24/12/2015 20:23

I would not babysit for her again under any circumstances and I'd warn others of what they are in for, too, if you know anyone she might approach.

Aside from the massive invasion of privacy with the cameras, she sounds psycho. Can you imagine if the child accidentally got a splinter or a scratch or bit its tongue or fell out of its feeding chair at your place? I wouldn't want the liability of being blamed for any real or perceived harm to the child.

NewToNoContact · 24/12/2015 20:24

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SouthWesterlyWinds · 24/12/2015 20:27

She watched you without your knowledge on baby monitors? No fucking way is that acceptable. Please say you got changed in the bathroom. She's not just gone over the line, she fucking pole vaulted over it. I would refuse to babysit for her next week. Tough shit if it leaves her in the lurch but she seriously invaded your privacy especially if she hasn't locked down the web feed.

Lostmyxmasspirit · 24/12/2015 20:28

If she wanted to keep a close eye on the baby then telling you so you could sleep in another room would be the way to do it. Watching you sleep is fucking weird and your friend has way overstepped the mark!!

Crabbitface · 24/12/2015 20:30

I wonder what good the cameras do if the babysitter doesn't know about them. It's not like if she saw a baby sitter hurting her child she would be able to prevent it, only prove that it happened. Surely telling a sitter that she has anxiety about leaving her baby and has therefore set up some cameras would act as a deterrent and ACTUALLY protect her child. This is so weird. I actually wouldn't mind cameras if I knew they were.

Straycatblue · 24/12/2015 20:30

There is too much weirdness.

Not telling you initially there are webcams all over her house
Watching you on the webcams
Talking about your tattoo on your hip that she didnt know about till you undressed and she watched you undressing and sleeping.

I would try and find out if she has a camera in the bathroom as well and also does she record ie have the ability to keep and replay the footage she has recorded.

Your friend is weird for doing this and for not recognising that it is abnormal behaviour. I am also not sure when she stands legally especially since she has filmed you undressing without your consent.

Crabbitface · 24/12/2015 20:31

...there!

OddSocksHighHeels · 24/12/2015 20:31

The casual mention of the tattoo was particularly weird. Like the comment was to be completely expected and wouldn't freak the fuck out of anybody normal.

DeltaZeta · 24/12/2015 20:31

It's an utterly bizarre thing to do. I could just about get on board with a webcam if she'd told you in advance. But to watch you without your knowledge? A massive invasion of your privacy and creepy to boot. I wouldn't babysit for her ever again.

LaLyra · 24/12/2015 20:34

I'd be livid. Does she record her web cam footage or just stream it? How secure is the footage, can anyone else access the stream?

Having a cam to watch your baby is one thing, actively watching your friend undress on it, then commenting on their appearance like the tattoo is creepy.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 24/12/2015 20:39

Camera for baby - fine. Watching friend sleep on it - f*cking batshit. Telling said friend - another level

Tealtowel · 24/12/2015 20:40

I have one of these cameras. I wouldnt dream of not telling people about them if they would be 'on the camera' as such.
That is creepy. Especially to watch you while you were sleeping. Her child was with you in yhe same room she didnt even have any need to check the monitor as you were there.

NewToNoContact · 24/12/2015 20:41

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WaitingForSnow · 24/12/2015 20:41

How odd

TartanBirdFeeder · 24/12/2015 20:42

She's being totally unreasonable. It'd mean the end of our friendship if I was you.

IguanaTail · 24/12/2015 20:46

Definitely don't babysit again. She's broken your trust by filming you and watching you in bed.

Original poster
Iliketoparrty · 24/12/2015 20:56

I have discussed it with DH and I'm not babysitting next week or ever again

I have called friend, well ex friend it tell her and to find out more about the cameras. There is one in the main bedroom (where I slept) one in the living room, one in the kitchen and one in the back garden. Thankfully I changed on the bathroom after the baby splashed me with water during her bath.

The camera feeds are live but only record/transmit when she turns them on remotely. She had them installed when the baby was born.

I didn't do anything I am worried about her seeing and am hurt that she didn't tell me and clearly doesn't trust me with the baby.

I did ask who else knows about them as a few other friends have babysat at her house as well. She didn't seem to get the fact people would object.

Unfortunately we had a bit of an argument as I won't have her child next week and have said I am telling our friends (who have babysat) about the cameras. This apparently has nothing to do with me and should say nothing.

OP posts:
IguanaTail · 24/12/2015 21:02

Bloody good for you. And absolutely right to tell others.

If she had told you in the first place there wouldn't be so much of an issue as you could have made an informed choice. I hadn't even considered changing etc. How humiliating to be on a live feed. I don't think it's legal to do that. It's certainly morally reprehensible. She can be as paranoid as she likes until it involves others.

IguanaTail · 24/12/2015 21:03

She is going to have to find other people to babysit.

Lostmyxmasspirit · 24/12/2015 21:06

If I were your friend and were asked to babysit this child I would certainly like to be fully informed. Silly bitch is either mental or damned cheeky and thinks she's entitled to do as she pleases

goodnightdarthvader1 · 24/12/2015 21:09

You did absolutely the right thing.

The tattoo comment was also mega creepy. It's actually a big step up from saying "I watched you on camera to make sure my baby was ok" to "I stared in depth at your half naked body like a fucking creepy weirdo then mentioned it to you like it was no big deal". Absolute psycho.

IguanaTail · 24/12/2015 21:11

She's like Eddy off Friends