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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about maternity leave?

111 replies

Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 03:41

I am probably being unreasonable not to know this, but I've been wondering.

I know that UK allows one year maternity leave, but is it possible to take only 3 months or even less? Would employers force somebody to take more? I work in banking btw and literally every woman in my office took the entire year off.

Please no judgement and no patronising comments about how I will change when I have a baby and want to take a longer leave. Just practical, honest answers!

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/12/2015 14:16

Thurlow is very very right. You don't need to spend much time on MN particularly in Relationships to see how much of an impact it will be.

As an example, ask your partner how much of your maternity leave allowance he is going to use - that will give you a good indication of where he sees the caring responsibilities lying once any child is born.

If you have a good career that you value and want to maintain it is vital that you have children with the right person.

Both my husband and I work FT with two children under 6. We both set aside 5 days each of our annual leave allowance to deal with sick days where they can't go to school/childcare. When we had a nanny we still had to make provision for her illnesses/family emergencies too so it's not the panacea that MN often makes it out to be. It's a tall order emotionally to hand over a very small non-verbal child to an emergency agency nanny at very short notice so you tend to suck up the odd day here and there unless you can work from home and keep an eye on things.

Lightbulbon · 23/12/2015 14:16

I went back after 6 weeks.

It was a lot easier than looking after a newborn 24/7!

eurochick · 23/12/2015 18:04

I took just under 6 months. I'd intended to take 4 but I changed jobs on mat leave and 6 worked with various timings. It felt like not enough time with the baby but too long out of the office. So it was a good start for working parenthood where everything is a compromise. Ime the real issue is not how long you are off for but rather the effect of sleep deprivation plus the desire to actually see the baby after the working day once you go back. My priorities have changed (not what I and I'm absolutely knackered!

My friends have taken between 3 and 12 months. You have to do what is right for you.

Bean I think your employer is not acting legally by forcing you to take leave, but this is not my legal specialism so I might be wrong.

mmgirish · 23/12/2015 19:05

I went back to work the first time after 11 weeks and after 9 weeks the second time. It was absolutely fine. We all bonded properly etc.

hibbleddible · 23/12/2015 19:59

I understand you don't want patronising comments, please understand this is not my intention. Once you actually have a baby your feelings will change completely. It is very common. I even know a Mum who intended to go back after 3 months and is still off work with her school aged child. Keep an open mind, there is nothing wrong with taking a whole year off.

In addition, unless you get a nanny, the reality of finding childcare for a 12 week old child can be very difficult. Even in London. (Or perhaps especially in London due to the demand)

Finally, most women start maternity leave a few weeks before their baby is born. Even if you plan on working till you are in labour, this may not be possible due to health reasons. Its not uncommon to be unable to work due to pregnancy complications, and if you are on sick leave in the later stage of your pregnancy for reasons related to the pregnancy, you can be forced to go on maternity leave.

In summary, by all means you can plan to take only 12 weeks off, but be prepared for the reality being very different.

hibbleddible · 23/12/2015 20:02

Out of interest, how many of those who had very short maternity leave (12 weeks or under) would have liked to have longer if circumstances had permitted?

LibrariesgaveusP0wer · 23/12/2015 20:07

I think the OP is long gone from the thread TBH!

CastaDiva · 23/12/2015 20:45

Hibble, the only way in which my feelings changed after having a baby was a desire to get back to work as soon as possible. I hated every second of maternity leave. The OP is perfectly reasonable to explore the possibility that she will feel similarly, though, admittedly, the impact of exhaustion on work quality and the availability of good, affordable childcare are the unknowns.

90sforever · 23/12/2015 20:50

Hibble I was ready to Go back (4m) and I'm not sure what I would've done at home for longer- more of the same I suppose, coffee shops, small talk at baby classes.

RatherBeRiding · 23/12/2015 21:15

Hibble I chose to go back at 3m because I was bored stupid! I missed adult conversation and using my brain. Baby was fine btw. No bonding/separation issues. I EFF from birth so no problems there either.

Lightbulbon · 24/12/2015 01:49

Hibble I chose to go back early because I'd hated mat leave so much before. I wasn't naive.

I think the tide has turned and women are feeling pressured into taking longer mat leaves than is good for their mental health.

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