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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about maternity leave?

111 replies

Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 03:41

I am probably being unreasonable not to know this, but I've been wondering.

I know that UK allows one year maternity leave, but is it possible to take only 3 months or even less? Would employers force somebody to take more? I work in banking btw and literally every woman in my office took the entire year off.

Please no judgement and no patronising comments about how I will change when I have a baby and want to take a longer leave. Just practical, honest answers!

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 22/12/2015 07:54

ts better for the baby if you take the year off. Actually its better if the primary carer looks after them for the first three years, because that helps prevent separation anxiety.
Its not unreasonable to take a year. It flies by anyway.

This is bollocks!

Happy mum = happy baby.

Mat leave can be torturous for some mums. Take what's best for your family.

writingonthewall · 22/12/2015 07:59

6 weeks off driving after CS = rubbish. Check with your insurance company but usually it's when you feel safe to do an emergency stop. I felt safe a few days after my CS but left it ten days.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/12/2015 08:04

I'm on maternity leave at the moment. I'm having 4 months then DH is taking over and having 5 months.

eurochick · 22/12/2015 08:08

I agree that the six weeks no driving after CS is rubbish. My insurance company wanted the GP to check me first (most don't require this). I felt OK to drive and moved the car on the drive to check I could use the pedals, twist to see over my shoulder and so on at 6 days post CS. I couldn't get to the GP until 11 days though and so drove again from that point once the GP had okayed it.

BondJayneBond · 22/12/2015 08:15

Yes, you only have to take 2 weeks off.

One thing to consider though if you're thinking of a short maternity leave is childcare - it might be harder to find childcare for a very young baby . Most of the nurseries round here only take babies from 3 months. Don't know about childminders / nannies.

Also, check your work maternity policy. Mine said that they assumed you would take the full year off, and if you wanted to return to work before that, you had to give at least 8 weeks notice of your return date in writing.

honeylulu · 22/12/2015 08:17

With my last baby I transferred my maternity leave to husband at 20 weeks as I'm the higher earner. The law has changed again so in theory you can do that at 2 weeks if you want. (I would say most women need at least 6-12 weeks to recover physically and establish milk supply if you're going to breastfeed.)
I know this wasn't your question but husband dealing with the baby during maternity leave was epic. He then knew exactly what hard work it was and appreciated what I'd done. Can't recommend it enough.
Taking a year off would have slaughtered my career and driven me insane. I'm baffled by the women at my workplace who take a year off with each child and then whinge that they've ended up with less opportunities.

Trickytricky · 22/12/2015 08:19

Just to add lots of nurseries (especially in cities and commuting areas) take DCs from 6 weeks. Not what I'd choose to do but just thought I'd add that.

ginnybag · 22/12/2015 08:22

OP, I went back to work at 8 weeks for exactly these reasons.

I picked a very experienced childminder, who I found posting on here actually, rather than a nursery, though.

DD is now almost six, CM and her children are extended family and I promise you there are no issues, attachment or otherwise. She's a brilliantly confident little girl, doing well in school.

In fact, fwiw, my friend who did take three years off to be with her son, because it's 'best' is having a nightmare of a time because her son is so attached to her he won't go to anyone else, Inc school. It's not so cut and dried!

HackerFucker22 · 22/12/2015 08:24

I've been "lucky" enough to take the full year both times. Of course it was amazing to be able to spend that time with the babies BUT it put us under enormous financial strain and we now have no savings left and about 5k on a credit card to pay off (used about 10k is savings but this included initial big purchases for first baby)

I'd do it again in a heartbeat although we're done with having babies and debt will be clear by next Christmas but not everyone has this option.

HackerFucker22 · 22/12/2015 08:25

I only got SMP

ginnybag · 22/12/2015 08:25

Oh, and I breastfed exclusively for 5 months and then kept it up until she self-weaned at two, so that's possible to.

Make the decisions that suit you best.

HearTheThunderRoar · 22/12/2015 08:31

DD was in creche at 3m (only part time though as DH worked shifts) because there was no paid maternity leave in NZ back in the 90s so I could not afford to stay at home longer.

She is a happy, healthy and smart teenager :)

TheMshipIsBack · 22/12/2015 08:33

Another one recommending splitting leave with the baby's dad if that's an option for you. We did it first time around roughly 7/5 months split, and it'll be about the same this time (I'm 29w with DC2). I would happily have gone back to work earlier both times, the timing was both to do with maximizing enhanced maternity pay amounts and with the nature of DH's work. DS is a cheerful little boy who has had minimal attachment issues and is happy to stay with either parent while waving bye to the other - could just be his personality, I know, but I like to think that time at home with DH helped.

Sanch1 · 22/12/2015 08:34

Haven't read the whole thread, but your employer has to assume you'll take the full 52 weeks. If you intend to return earlier then you have to give 8 weeks written notice. So if you only wanted to take 3 months you'd need to give your notice to return after 4/5 weeks.

blueturtle6 · 22/12/2015 10:54

If you are doing night feeds will take longer than 3 months to recover. I also work in banking and cant imagine dealing with the stress of job and baby. However 10-15 years ago 12 weeks was the norm.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/12/2015 10:59

Haven't read the whole thread, but your employer has to assume you'll take the full 52 weeks. If you intend to return earlier then you have to give 8 weeks written notice. So if you only wanted to take 3 months you'd need to give your notice to return after 4/5 weeks.

I may be wrong but since you have to put in writing to your employers around 25 weeks pregnant exactly how long you want to take as maternity leave, I think it's actually fine at that stage to say I'm going to return on X date, even if that's less than 52 weeks. Giving 8 weeks notice only applies if you change your mind after this official letter to your employers.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/12/2015 11:35

Of course it is, two weeks is the statutory requirement.
I took 7 months off when I worked in banking. I had enhanced maternity pay [100% for 6 months] so it was a no brainer. Had to use up large chunk of accrued leave before returning as company policy so ended up with another month off fully paid.

Took 12 weeks off with my second as had changed jobs just prior to getting pregnant so only qualified for MA which wasn't exactly going to pay the London mortgage. 2nd child was a good sleeper though - I would have been like the walking dead if I'd gone back at 12 weeks with DC 2

HR teams and your line management will assume you are taking the full 12 months off unless you say otherwise. Most will plan for you to take it [in terms of maternity cover] even if you say you will be back in 5 mins as a lot can change with a bad delivery/sick child/PND etc. so you would be foolish imo not to caveat it with a plan to update them at X date if you wish to extend your leave.

Childcare will be your [you and your partners] issue for a small baby but it is doable. Worth bearing in mind that you will need to factor in a fair bit of time to cover a sick child who can't go to nursery/childminder depending on how much family support you have.

If you are planning to go back very very quickly, I would personally plan to bottle feed.

alltouchedout · 22/12/2015 11:47

I went back to work when each of mine were 9-10 months old as that was when my mat pay ran out. I lived the time with them and couldn't bear to leave them earlier but the fact is, going back to work at the point where separation anxiety was kicking in made it so hard. I often wonder whether the babies would have fond the whole transition much easier if I'd gone back when they were a few months younger. (TBH I know they would have).

With DS1 I wouldn't have been remotely able to work until he was at least 3 months old though. That first time motherhood thing kicked my arse!

MistleToastyFingers · 22/12/2015 13:57

I'm not sure quite how enforceable this was legally but it was written into my contract that I'd have to take a minimum of 8 weeks leave, after the baby had arrived.

I worked a very physically demanding job though, which involved taking a lot of heavy deliveries, and working in a very hot environment.

I wouldn't have lasted 10 mins on shift just 2 weeks post-birth.

Original poster
Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 15:43

I work in a bank, so I guess not physically demanding job at all.

Thanks for all the answers everyone!

I'm guessing 3 months will be fine then if/when the time comes.

Another quick one- do I have to transfer the remaining 9 months to the baby's father or is that just an option too?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 15:44

Fyi, my employer grants 20 weeks fully paid leave but I really don't want to take that much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 15:49

The thing is, I'm not even pregnant yet but panicking slightly because I work in such a dynamic area where people are easily replaceable.

The law says they have to give me SOME job when I return, but I want to return to the same job that I'm doing. So the 3 months or less leave will make that possible... If they will get someone to cover me for the entire year anyway, then I'm doomed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicebucket · 22/12/2015 15:50

I can confirm, I will be bottle feeding (please don't judge!)

OP posts:
knobblyknee · 22/12/2015 15:52

Taking the amount of time that is best for your families financial situation is not the same thing as taking the amount of time that is best for you babies emotional development.

If you cant see the difference dont comment putting other peoples answer down.

wasonthelist · 22/12/2015 15:53

Nice - Shared Parental Leave (giving the balance to the father) is optional. It's a bit of a grey area too - some employers will give a partner the same payments as the Mother, some will only give Statutory pay.

It's important to distinguish the rights to take time off (leave) vs the payments - you can get a lot more leave than you can get decent pay for.