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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's attitude

109 replies

HappyGirlNow · 21/12/2015 22:46

I was on the train coming home from a work night out.

Last 3 times (over last couple of weeks) I have had to get the train home there have been no taxis in the rank and if I've tried to book one its at least 20 minutes wait. I've eventually got one after standing for 15-20 minutes in the cold. It's Scotland so not freezing but colder than the rest of the UK.

So I called my husband on the way home tonight and asked him to pick me up. Train station is 5 minutes from our home. He said no and for me to just get a taxi as he'd have to put our dogs away to come and get me. He seemed to think it was funny saying no to me (as if I'd find it a joke too). He knows the rank hasn't been populated last times I've tried to get a taxi and I've had problems.

I did manage to get a taxi after 10 minutes tonight (unusually quick). But AIBU to feel hurt that he wouldn't inconvenience himself for 10 minutes to just come and get me?! It doesn't really make me feel warm towards him!

OP posts:
Inertia · 21/12/2015 23:36

I think he sounds pretty mean to be honest. If you had children who couldn't be left alone it'd be different, but dogs can be left.

Have you pointed out to him how much you have helped him today?

BeYourOwnBoss · 21/12/2015 23:37

I would be very upset. It is extremely insensitive. Do him a favour and say so, he obviously doesn't realise how it comes across.

Bonkers1 · 21/12/2015 23:37

OK but still if you knew the dire taxi situation then ask DH in advance, especially in light of the Forth Road situation.

I do think he's mean, I'm just wondering why he's dug his heals in? Did you ask him?

LaurieFairyCake · 21/12/2015 23:39

Yes I think he absolutely should have picked you up

There is no way we'd leave each other anywhere 5 minutes away or waste money on taxis

My dh picked me up an hour away so I could have 2 glasses of wine

Justaboy · 21/12/2015 23:41

If it were me?, yep i'd come and collect you:)

It's not too much to ask, you of course would do it for him Y/N?.

Lynnm63 · 21/12/2015 23:42

I think your DH is a selfish twit. I read your post to my DH sitting next to me. He said if it was us he wouldn't want me catching a cab from the station he would collect me. I've done the same for him.
My DH said you should take this as a wake up call and the only taxi you should be catching is the one away from your DH.

44PumpLane · 21/12/2015 23:45

OP that really does sound mean! I was out on Saturday night and my husband was due to pick me up at 9pm approx 30 min drive from home but public transport available or taxis affordable so he didn't HAVE to come for me.
I was having a nice time so he said he'd come for me later.... Back and forth with him a couple times and in the end he came to get me at 2am!

Not a problem for him at all. He would rather I had a nice time and was safe getting home.

I would be disappointed in his actions!

Topseyt · 21/12/2015 23:46

I wouldn't have got sleeping children out of bed late at night to collect DH and would not have expected him to do it for me.

Neither of us is big on going out, but on the odd occasion we do then our agreement is that it is fine to go, but you need to be able to get yourself back. It is applied to both of us and stems from the days of small children. We have never changed it and don't feel the need to.

I would have no problem with a 10 minute wait for a cab. I do, however, have problems driving at night because my night vision isn't great. Something DH increasingly finds too.

Epilepsyhelp · 21/12/2015 23:52

Where did the sleeping kids bit come from, OP doesn't have any!

I would definitely not let my DH stand in the cold for 20 minutes because he'd be cold and that's not nice for him. He'd do the same for me without a seconds thought. Your DH is mean.

IrishDad79 · 21/12/2015 23:52

Maybe he wanted to save money on petrol.

clam · 22/12/2015 00:00

Come on people. The correct response to this is, "yep, your bloke is being a twat. We sympathise."

Instead, this being MN at the moment, we get, "why have you been out 4 times recently, you should have walked home, why were you tarted up in heels, 5 minutes in a car equates to only an "insert your own invented short period of time" walk, you're entitled, book your own taxi, why should your husband do something nice for you, and there's no reason why a fit healthy woman shouldn't walk around alone late at night."

I despair of this place sometimes.

clam · 22/12/2015 00:01

Oh, and now we have "saving petrol."

AdjustableWench · 22/12/2015 00:01

I've done this for my DH many times, and he has done it for me. It wouldn't occur to me to refuse a request like this.

Bogeyface · 22/12/2015 00:08

YANBU

"save money on petrol"? Really?! :o

Bogeyface · 22/12/2015 00:09

Cos taxis are sooooo much cheaper than a taxi!

Bogeyface · 22/12/2015 00:09

bugger, taxis are soooo much cheaper than driving your own car

Shutthatdoor · 22/12/2015 00:11

Come on people. The correct response to this is, "yep, your bloke is being a twat. We sympathise

Why!? People don't have to agree you know!

IrishDad79 · 22/12/2015 00:12

Irony bypass night on mn apparently!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/12/2015 00:19

In the absence of sleeping dc and alcohol I can't see a reason not to pick you up.

JoelyB · 22/12/2015 00:26

No yanbu. All of the above 'book a cab first' or 'walk' might be just fine if he were your housemate, or your lodger, but he's your husband ffs.

It's the little things like that which are the difference between liking someone and loving them, imho.

Lazy git. Tell him to pay a book keeper while you walk the dogs.

Tartyflette · 22/12/2015 00:37

We live about 4-5 miles from the station so DH and I always collect each other from there , and elsewhere, after nights out with the girls/boys etc, it evens out in the end and taxis are going to be £10-15 a time! I would be hugely upset if he refused (and he'd certainly regret it next time he wanted a lift. ) Yanbu at all, he's an arse. And stop doing the books for him!

OrangeFluff · 22/12/2015 00:46

Grin at the posters insisting that a 5 minute drive can't possibly take 40 minutes to walk! My drive to work only takes about 8 minutes, but it would take me well over an hour to walk it.

YANBU op, I would've come and got you!

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/12/2015 01:22

Well, the transport problems caused by Forth Road Bridge are pretty well known even down here in The Midlands, and I would imagine many people have ad-hoc hurriedly-arranged lifts etc. just to try to cope with it all. Which makes your husband's behaviour all the worse to me. Your normal commute has been thrown in the air, a little consideration from him would make a difference.

And as for "He seemed to think it was funny saying no to me (as if I'd find it a joke too)." - he wouldn't be finding it funny once I got home.

Just to compare - I live a six minute brisk walk from our train station, but this is an almost entirely pedestrian route involving an underpass, a secluded enclosed pathway and crossing a park. By road it's closer to 10 minutes because of one-ways and busy junctions. Despite it being quicker to walk, last time I used the train my husband asked when I'd be getting back and VOLUNTEERED to come pick me up. And there wasn't even wind or rain that day.

emotionsecho · 22/12/2015 01:42

YANBU, my dh would have been there waiting for me it wouldn't have entered his head that I would be getting a taxi.

Topseyt · 22/12/2015 02:06

Epilepsy, I didn't say OP did have sleeping children.

I was responding to a couple of other posts on the thread if you read it.