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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dislike seeing young children with pierced ears.

381 replies

Singsongsungagain · 21/12/2015 19:10

Inspired by a picture on FB today of a friend's young child (6 years old) sobbing her eyes out whilst getting her ears pierced.
Why the hell would any decent parent hold their child steady to allow their ears to be pierced? What is it all about??

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 23/12/2015 01:27

mistress noone needs to 'get over' anything.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 01:29

noeff I think they do...you don't

noeffingidea · 23/12/2015 01:30

notime I am reading your posts. I'm asking you to explain why you think not piercing your 2 year old's ears will lead to an 'inevitable bad experience'.

noeffingidea · 23/12/2015 01:32

mistress what, you think people aren't entitled to an opinion? Do you always tell people to 'get over it' if they don't agree with you?

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 01:50

Now did i say that?...No...I just said you need to get over it...that is MY opinion...you can take it..or leave it

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 07:51

If you have your ears done young care still needs to be taken throughout life especially childhood as rough and tumble in the playground etc can pull them thus opening a wound allowing access for bacteria.

I would imagine it exposes them to more lifetime risk.

It doesn't save them the need to look after them, in fact a ten year old would be more able in cognitive thought to do so.

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 08:00

Giving a child grapes can indeed be fatal. However you are doing so with the aim of some nutritional benefit. To not give grapes, or food since choking or nutritional benefit is not restricted to grapes would have consequences.

There are no such life threatening consequences to leaving a two year olds ears untouched. If there were, perhaps if would be necessary to force cajole or persuade a young child to undertake such a procedure?

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 08:03

It's not the aesthetics that bothers me at all.

charlestonchaplin · 23/12/2015 08:25

Many people in this country put their children at an entirely unnecessary risk of injury and illness by keeping dogs and cats. Some of these animals are also a considerable nuisance to neighbours. I guess this is considered a socially acceptable calculated risk, which just demonstrates that for some things the objections are primarily cultural. There are many societies who consider the idea of having animals living in the home quite foul.

TaliZorah · 23/12/2015 08:27

Head if you wear flat earrings it's really hard to get them pulled.

I wouldn't have minded if my mum had pierced my ears as a baby. I'd been asking since I was 3.

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 09:09

But that's just the point, you were interested in having them done. If you weren't but found they had been done that is more unfair, and unethical.

I agree with you regarding animals. People do all sorts of things to children, some are more harmful or ethical than others.

Hence the smoking debate. But to say well worse things happen is not really addressing the issue.

FindoGask · 23/12/2015 09:51

"I guess this is considered a socially acceptable calculated risk, which just demonstrates that for some things the objections are primarily cultural."

That is precisely the argument I made a few pages back, to absolutely no avail! Needless to say, I agree.

Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 10:39

My husband is Jamaican and I had a dog when I met him. He was mortally and permanently offended by the fact that my dog slept on my bed and was allowed on the sofas!

It's incredibly ignorant to say that all other cultures are wrong and you are right. Cultural traditions stem from somewhere, there is a reason behind them. There's a reason why so many non - western cultures pierce early and I highly doubt it has anything to do with aesthetics.

If you take the example of dogs and cats, where other cultures might think it is completely vile and a total risk to keep them in your house, what reason might a Western dog/cat lover give in response to the hygiene concerns? Well it's fine just because I love them? And yet people who CHOOSE to pierce early offer valid reasons as to why they've chosen to do this and they are (on this thread) widely ignored.

At least HeadoftheHive, whilst she may not agree with early piercing, is demonstrating that she has heard other people's points and responds to them and is not being offensive. I have no problem having an intelligent, adult discussion with a person like that despite the fact we may disagree. However, there are others on this thread that there really is absolutely no sense in wasting time trying to 'discuss' anything.

noeffingidea I think I have already explained that, but let me try to elaborate. In MY opinion, an extremely large percentage of women/girls do want their ears pierced at some point in their life. I'm aware that others disagree with this, but from my own personal experience (which is all any of us really have to go on when making decisions) it is EXTREMELY unusual to meet an adult female who does not have pierced ears or wear earrings. Therefore, in my opinion, it is HIGHLY unlikely that my girls will not have to go through piercing at some point in their lives. Does this explain my use of the word 'inevitable'? I use the word 'bad' because I don't think anyone can deny that ear piercing at the very least hurts a bit, and at the very worst can lead to infection, more pain and further problems. I believe I have saved my children from that experience, because since they have no memory of it, it is as though they have never experienced it at all. And I believe that their is no risk of infection when the new piercing is properly cared for, which is far more likely to occur when the piercing is being taken care of by and adult rather than a child.

All things in life carry risk and in this instance I believe I had considered them and made the decision that I felt was best for my children.

Whether you think I was right or not, you SHOULD be able to recognise that my intentions were good. And you should also be able recognise that it is not your place to make judgements on how other people raise their children. As mothers we are all just flying by the seat of our pants, trying to do the best we can for our children. And in my opinion some of the vile, nasty, judgemental comments that have been made on this thread are not only unjustified, but immoral. Maybe some people should take a long hard look in the mirror before they start questioning others

Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 10:52

I still can't get my head around the "extremely unusual"! I know lots of women who don't wear earrings- myself included.
Re cultural expectations, there are of course cultures where ear piercing is normal. This doesn't make it a good thing, or a thing to be emulated by all- it just makes it a tradition. The person I referred to in the OP is from the same cultural background as me. There are no cultural reasons for her decision.

OP posts:
Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 10:53

Notime- what are the "vile nasty" comments you're referring to on this thread?

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 11:03

As I said OP, we all have our own personal experiences. That is yours and I'm not arguing it. I am 32 and I have only met one adult woman in my life who did not have her ears pierced. And she wished she did have them done younger, but had developed a phobia of getting in done in later life.

I'm not saying that just because something is cultural it is right, I'm saying it's not yours or anyone else's place to say that is wrong.

Re: your OP as I said before I also think that to post that on fb and to hold a child down while they cry is odd (the post) and wrong (the behaviour), but that does not mean that that is the experience that all children or parents who choose to pierce early have. Many on this thread have said their children really wanted it done and didn't flinch when it was done.

I'm not going to go all back through the thread copying in every comment I thought was vile and nasty, but basically all the ones that contain the word chav, abuse/abusive, irresponsible, anything that assumes that anyone who makes this choice is a terrible parent . . . there was the particularly nasty pp who suggested that people who pierce their children's ears must also have black teeth and smoke like a chimney.

Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 11:18

Do you think that the parent I referred to in my OP was displaying traits of good parenting? I suspect not. The child wanted them done by the way- her mum wasn't forcing her. She was scared when she got there and, strangely enough, I think it hurt her.

OP posts:
Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 11:21

This is a much younger child than the one in my OP but really, can anyone justify this as good parenting? Can anyone argue this isn't irresponsible, abusive etc etc?

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 23/12/2015 11:23

I don't know many adult females who haven't got pierced ears either.

I think taking a photo of it was weird but I know nothing about her parenting so I won't judge. Because I'm not an arsehole

TaliZorah · 23/12/2015 11:24

People have already given their reasons song you're just ignoring them

Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 11:25

It's not my place to say. I don't know her or the situation. I do find the fb post a little odd. You made it sound as though her mum was forcing her by saying she was being held down.

Regardless OP, you are referring to ONE situation in which a child's ears were pierced. Every situation is different. I've given you a description of ours, which is nothing like that - so have countless others. Whether your 'friend' was right or wrong in your opinion, YABU to tar us all with the same brush and make immediate judgements of people you see in the street with a seemingly otherwise perfectly happy and well kept child with pierced ears, because you have no idea of their situation or why they made the choice they did. And it is THEIR choice to make

Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 11:29

Sigh.

Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 11:31

"because you have no idea of their situation". I'm trying to think of what dire emergency situation would require metal to be inserted into a young child's ears??!
And yes, she was holding her down. The picture looks as though the child didn't want it done, the comments in the posts after it state that she did.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 23/12/2015 13:26

from my own personal experience (which is all any of us really have to go on when making decisions) it is EXTREMELY unusual to meet an adult female who does not have pierced ears or wear earrings.

Just thinking about the women I know that I will see or speak to today (a pretty normal day), myself included: 5 women, 4 in 30s, 1 in 40s. 5 Welsh, 1 English (of that matters); all white and from professional backgrounds. 1 doesn't have ears pierced at all and wears clip earrings only occasionally. 4 have ears pierced but only 1 wears earrings very very occasionally. I'll ask them all whether they consider those piercings to be of benefit in their lives now.

Personally mine serve no purpose, I suspect they contributed to the nickel allergy that is now quite difficult to manage and I'd rather not have had them at all. I was an older child when I had them done. Had my parents done done it when I was too young to decide for myself I'd be furious.

Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 13:35

That's your experience Disappointed. As I said, I've only met one ever. And I've also had this debate many many times and have never had anyone say they know loads of women with unpierced ears before. Perhaps you are the unusual ones?

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