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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike seeing young children with pierced ears.

381 replies

Singsongsungagain · 21/12/2015 19:10

Inspired by a picture on FB today of a friend's young child (6 years old) sobbing her eyes out whilst getting her ears pierced.
Why the hell would any decent parent hold their child steady to allow their ears to be pierced? What is it all about??

OP posts:
charlestonchaplin · 22/12/2015 21:58

Earrings are pretty compulsory in some cultures, in the sense that if your baby does not wear earrings they must be a boy (or you are a member of Deeper Life Bible Church). It was put to me by a couple of nursing aides at school that I must be a member of this church because they'd observed I didn't wear earrings. Actually, it was a boarding school and I'd lost one so I took the other one out till I could get replacements.

Earrings are as ugly on babies as they are on older children and women. They don't suddenly become benign or even attractive on older children or women. Everyone takes calculated risks with their children. Taking them out in cars, keeping dogs, letting them play football, rugby or ride horses. In a culture where the wearing of earrings is pretty universal, it is a reasonable decision to do it when the child is too young to interfere with the piercing and the parent is responsible for the aftercare.

noeffingidea · 22/12/2015 22:15

notime we do know your reasons, because you told us in your previous post. That was what I was commenting on.
You claimed those reasons were 'responsible parenting'. I disagree, though you could be a fantastic parent in other respects. I don't know.

IceBeing · 22/12/2015 22:28

notime oh you have a tomboy? You should have said! Obviously your parenting is devoid of stereotyping in that case...

Oh wait - that would be total shit wouldn't it.

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 22/12/2015 23:10

No time- I think the reason I didn't absorb your words was the opening sentence about how most adult women have their ears pierced! What a load of rubbish!

I think if you need to put a baby's dummy in to comfort them then they are far too young for earrings. And yes, people do notice!

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 22/12/2015 23:13

notime Just asked my three daughters. They would have been horrified by me making them have their ears pierced, at two, as a baby, any age really. None if them have any interest. The oldest is twenty.

Headofthehive55 · 22/12/2015 23:16

I have no objection if an older teen wants it doing, just think the decision should be theirs.

Notimefortossers · 22/12/2015 23:26

And still no one actually takes my comments on board . . .

noeffingidea I re-posted for singsong who said she had missed it.

Anyways, since you're all obviously quite happily bobbing along being nastily judgemental and aren't prepared to listen to the viewpoints of others . . . I'm out.

It really is terribly sad that some mothers think it's ok to tear other mothers down

Headofthehive55 · 22/12/2015 23:33

Do you have any evidence that ears do not become less infected as a baby than a teen? Id be concerned that babies have less well developed immune systems and can withstand any infection less well than an adult. (That's why kids get sick quick and go downhill quick)
So it would be better to inflict some risk, just in case a they wanted it doing as an older person?

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 22/12/2015 23:35

Notime- it's not that we're ignoring your words. We are just disagreeing with them.

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 22/12/2015 23:43

You are not acknowledging in any way shape or form that some parents might get their children's ears pierced because they are trying to save them from an inevitable bad experience. Whether you agree or not, you could accept that our motive's come from a good place and that we're not all just nasty chavs trying to beautify our daughters.

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 22/12/2015 23:47

It's because we don't see it as inevitable and we don't accept that CHOSEN pain (ie a 16 year old choosing to have her ears pierced) is worst than IMPOSED pain (ie a parent making that decision for a 2 year old who hasn't got the first clue why they are being hurt.

OP posts:
MistressoftheYoniverse · 22/12/2015 23:52

I dislike lots of things I see other parents doing, babies drinking juice in bottles, children eating chicken nuggets in their coats, bad hair cuts (IMO), badly dressed children, children with bogey covered faces and parents who have no intention of wiping....the list goes on...none of these things are damaging or abusive longterm and nor is ear piercing imo...relax your judgy pants and get over yourselves

MistressoftheYoniverse · 22/12/2015 23:54

Both my DDs had a clue...but they are super intelligent beings ...Grin

Notimefortossers · 22/12/2015 23:54

relax your judgy pants and get over yourselves

Lol. Seconded.

noeffingidea · 22/12/2015 23:58

notime what 'inevitable bad experience' would parents be saving their 2 year olds from?

noeffingidea · 23/12/2015 00:00

mistress ear piercing can be damaging long term, admittedly in a small number of cases. Or it could just be something that person wouldn't have wanted to have done to themselves.

SouthernShepherdess · 23/12/2015 00:08

In the grand scheme of things, and the way the world is at the moment, there are far far bigger things to be concerned about with regard to children than effing pierced ears!! No I don't like to see babies with pierced ears..but it doesn't have a life long effect on them now. Sooner or later many of them will want tongue piercings and god knows what else. I heard today that nearly 100,000 children in England alone are homeless. Something to be far more enraged about.

Notimefortossers · 23/12/2015 00:10

noeffingidea I thought you said you were reading my posts? It's WAY too late for me to just keep repeating myself.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 00:13

Yes the same is true for many things noeff...My DDs wanted their ears pierced, I have mine pierced (with frozen sausages and a needle!) , so do all of the female members of my family/extended family..I could have waited till they were older than 2 but they were confident about what they wanted and I took them to specialist who works with young children, I was able to care for them properly and they healed very quickly ..Guess what?.. nothing happened no earlobe detachment, no infection, no trauma, no piercing regret, no counselling ...now if they want another piercing (which DD 13 is begging for at the mo) They will have to pay and wait till they can sign a consent form themselves.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 00:15

I hear you Southern

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 00:31

Consent is quite an issue, especially informed consent. I am not sure a two year old will understand the possible consequences of the decision to have their ears pierced, which may involve infection.

We do find lack of consent generally pretty abhorrent, for example enforced contraception. Would you be equally accepting of a vaccination given without your consent to a very young child?

We need to unpick these issues and realise what is at the heart of the action, and why it's seen to be not in line with current ethical standards.

If people do not question things we will make no progress.

It is not inevitable that a child will want their ears done at all. You may believe that it saves them pain in the long run, it used to be thought that babies and children felt less pain but that has since been disproved.

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 23/12/2015 00:34

Head- I agree with all you have said.

OP posts:
MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 00:50

Well according to your logic I could not make informed consent on behalf of my daughter for vaccinations...she's being pierced with a needle containing a substance I cannot totally know for sure wont affect her in the long run, she could have serious a reaction, she could even die...funnily enough my daughter was given an inoculation at months old and this caused a dimple in her thigh that never went away and she still complains about it to this day ..the worst she gets with an ear piercing is an infection and that's if you are crappy at taking care of the area.

I agree that people do need to question and discuss but ear piercing seems like a way of encroaching on family life...not the same as forced contraception at all.

Headofthehive55 · 23/12/2015 01:00

The worst you get with ear piercing is death, and yes in the uk someone did die through infection relatively recently from infection through piercing.

Yes you can consent on behalf of your daughter, you need to read the literature surrounding the benefits and risks if vaccinations. For example you may need to understand the consequences of the illness you are trying to prevent and possible side effects of vaccination which there may be. You do not know whether the vaccination is worthwhile you can only make an informed judgement.

If your DD objected to having her ears done at five, ten, would you force her? Persuade her? Tell her it's for her own good?

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 01:18

They tend to die from high ear piercings not low and not young children (who had parents to care for them) but older children that didn't take care of the piercing.

If my DD objected I would never force her but she didn't so what?

People always wanting to put their own issues on others you don't want to pierce don't ... the death of a child through piercing is less likely than eating grapes ffs ...you don't like the aesthetics of a child in earrings get over it!

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