Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to wonder if this is typical London?

160 replies

teeththief · 20/12/2015 23:16

I recently went to London with my 8 year old. We were on the tubes and an employee appeared on the tube with a man who was obviously blind. The employee asked loudly if anyone was willing to give up their seat for the man. The only person who didn't look away and stood up immediately giving their seat away was my 8 year old! Is this normal behaviour in London or did we just hit a bad time?

OP posts:
Millionprammiles · 22/12/2015 08:23

Its no more typical London than the racist abuse I witnessed in the 'friendly north' is typical Yorkshire.

Don't judge a city on a handful of experiences.

VintageDresses · 22/12/2015 08:29

I'm glad I've seen this thread because I'm not sure I would have offered my seat to a blind person with a dog. I obviously would if asked, but otherwise might have assumed it was easier for them to stand by the door with the dog than negotiate themselves into a seat Blush

I will always offer if the need is obvious but am nervous of offering if I'm not sure, for fear of rudeness rejection.

hesterton · 22/12/2015 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Readysteadyknit · 22/12/2015 09:28

Awful to hear about the negative experiences of people with disabilities Sad

I am in my 50s and able bodied - I must look particularly haggard as I now regularly get offered seats on the tube (predominantly by men in their 20s or 30s). Recently when 2 frail and elderly women got on a rush hour tube, so many people stood up and helped that they had a choice of seats.

However, I do remember travelling on a hot rush hour tube when obviously pregnant. The train was stuck in a tunnel and it was so hot and crowded that I fainted but remained wedged upright in the crush. The people standing next to me were concerned and helped but I still didn't get offered a seat Sad

OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 10:24

A lot of people come in to London from the home counties/burbs: commuters on weekdays and the bridge-and-tunnel crowd people coming in for a night out at weekends. Plus foreign tourists, as someone has highlighted.

Personally I think these are the people who are most likely to be rude or oblivious, much more so than actual London-livers.

Crazypetlady · 22/12/2015 12:09

There are rude people everywhere. I am astounded at the fat/asian comments, I would call myself fat and would happily give up my seat.

CastaDiva · 22/12/2015 12:12

*A lot of people come in to London from the home counties/burbs: commuters on weekdays and the bridge-and-tunnel crowd people coming in for a night out at weekends. Plus foreign tourists, as someone has highlighted.

Personally I think these are the people who are most likely to be rude or oblivious, much more so than actual London-livers.*

That's true - in all my years living in London and using the tube daily, by far the most flagrant infringements of the usual tube rules (primarily letting people off first before you get on) were on Saturday mornings at Kings Cross (where, I am assuming, non-Londoners had presumably just come in for the day by train and were transferring to the tube.)

cleaty · 22/12/2015 12:16

A friend of mine was physically attacked by a man on the tube when she was carrying her baby. No idea why he suddenly attacked her. Nobody helped her.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/12/2015 12:29

I was yelled at the other day by a man of retired age because I was sitting in a priority seat and hadn't heard him (on phone and had headphones on). When I looked at j
He actually swore at me saying "why can't you bloody well get up for an older person my wife?"
The man was in a group but there were no crutches or sticks just retired looking people? But certainly sprightly and not infirm.

I was so shocked at his attitude and also was sitting as I have a support bandage on my foot due to breaking a small bone in that foot about a
month ago.

I actually told him as he was so rude to me I'd stay seated but I also asked him why he didn't ask a
young man sitting in a priority seat facing me if he could move too?

cleaty · 22/12/2015 12:40

He was very out of order.
But I would always get up for older people if I can stand.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/12/2015 14:07

cleaty if he'd asked nicely I'd have got up. I was engrossed in phone due to a friends mum suddenly dying.

Lizsmum · 22/12/2015 15:14

I almost always am offered a seat. I have grey hair and I'm fat - maybe that's seen as a disability? - and I'm always very grateful. So no, I don't think it's typical of London at all. Maybe on a crowded tain no on noticed the white stick at first?

What annoys me hugely is when I give up my seat to an adult who clearly needs it more than I do only to have that adult allow their child to take the seat ... what happened to children sitting/leaning on adults' laps?

IMO children shouldn't be sitting down when any adult is standing.

Dungandbother · 22/12/2015 17:47

Sorry to any fat mums. It's just my observation that fat (and I'd say at least dress size 20 fat) never gave up their seat. Plump is different.

Mums give up seats and then ask when you're due, tell you their horrors of commuting when pregnant. Solidarity type conversations.

Re Asian men.... He was young the one who got up?
I thought I'd said old Asian men. Apologies.

Young men always get up. Still close enough to their mums who'd give them a clip round the ear probably!

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 22/12/2015 18:22

Well surely morbidly obese women are much more likely than average a) to be pg without you noticing or b) have screwed up ankles or knees or c) be morbidly obese precisely because they have health issues that mean they can't exercise, or give you their seat. It's too obvious even to be worth remarking on.

cleaty · 22/12/2015 18:29

I am fat, I always stand up.

Creiddylad · 22/12/2015 18:58

I travel on the tube daily. I do not think your experience was typical.

I always give up my seat to pregnant, disabled, elderly or those with young children. The badges for pregnant women are great, I do not have to try and work out if someone is PG or not, if they want a seat they wear the badge.

I must say though that I would not have automatically offered my seat to someone with a guide dog, I would have if asked and I will now.

Coming out of Shepherds Bush, on the way to Westfield, I heard a LT employee talking about meeting a VIP from the tube. I wondered why a VIP was arriving by tube. It was a few days before I realised what is meant.

Lizsmum · 22/12/2015 19:03

I am fat, I always stand up

Ah, but do you have grey silver hair? It's a crucial difference!

KathyBeale · 22/12/2015 20:21

Despite being fat and a mum, and someone who would give up my seat for a pregnant woman, I can assure everyone that I would never, ever engage that pregnant woman in conversation about due dates or anything else. Shudder.

FlatOnTheHill · 22/12/2015 22:07

I dont think its London. Could happen anywhere.

DancingDinosaur · 23/12/2015 00:42

So actually quite humiliating and upsetting and I'm saddened that so many MNers are dismissive of this frequent experience. I feel anxious every day on my commute because I anticipate the issue as I experience it quite frequently.

This is true sadly. When my husband came home and told me he'd sat on someones lap by accident, it was funny, and we did laugh because it was a funny story to tell after the event. The three guide dogs he had all were a bit rubbish and would dive under a seat for a discarded chocolate wrapper, but not indicate where there was an empty seat (or low sign posts but thats another story.) Dh had a great sense of humor and was always able to stand back and see the funny side. But, although he never said it, I think when he was actually going through the experience of sitting on someones lap he felt pretty humiliated. When he was with me it was true he didn't need to sit down as his legs were fine. But on his own he did really need to tuck himself safely away on a seat with the dog out of the aisle. It was the last straw for him though really, he applied for access to work and got taxi's into work instead. Which was a shame as he lost a little bit of his independence that day.

VashtaNerada · 23/12/2015 05:45

I can imagine how embarassing that must have been for him Dancing, let's hope they just didn't speak English rather than actively ignoring him.
Dung - it's easy to make those generalisations. In both my pregnancies it was young men who were less likely to stand, particularly of Eastern European origin but the chances are that's just coincidence so I don't go around saying it too loudly. Women (fat or not!) were the nicest.
And I'm not sure I agree about children Liz, it depends on their age. I've certainly found travelling with little ones extremely tough when they're falling all over the place and getting overheated. I let them take the seat rather than me if offered because I commute every day and am used to it but it's much harder for them. For fit, healthy older children I totally agree though.

maybebabybee · 23/12/2015 06:13

It's a mixed bag really (I've lived here all my life). I am 29 weeks pregnant with a badge and fairly large bump. Generally someone stands up for me but I have also had perfectly healthy looking adults push past me to grab a seat. It's generally women who stand up for me too.

Half the time I know its because people haven't seen me. I do think those in priority seats in particular ought to look up from their phones once in a while and see if anyone has got on who might need a seat!

maybebabybee · 23/12/2015 06:13

Oh and tourists never, ever stand up, in my experience.

PitPatKitKat · 23/12/2015 06:57

Any big place is just going to exhibit extremes more often though, good and bad.

That experience is the downside.

On the other hand, I was on the tube to work one day not long after my mum died. My face must has betrayed by grief and I had tears in my eyes. The guy standing next to me was very dapper- lovely tailored coat, proper hat. And his manners were of an old time gent too- he noticed I was upset as we were pulling into the station I was getting off at. He caught my eye, doffed his hat and nodded, gestured for me to get off first and put out his arm to stop anyone jostling me to push past. The most amazing act of sensitivity, gentleness and kindness from a stranger. I don't know how I would have had the strength to get through that day if it hadn't been for that. I saw him on the tube a few other times after that and we always smiled and nodded (and he doffed his hat).

OnlyLovers · 23/12/2015 11:17

PitPat, what a lovely story.

I also love the Britishness of the fact that so much was conveyed with no speaking. Smile