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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to wonder if this is typical London?

160 replies

teeththief · 20/12/2015 23:16

I recently went to London with my 8 year old. We were on the tubes and an employee appeared on the tube with a man who was obviously blind. The employee asked loudly if anyone was willing to give up their seat for the man. The only person who didn't look away and stood up immediately giving their seat away was my 8 year old! Is this normal behaviour in London or did we just hit a bad time?

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 21/12/2015 12:31

The employee should have asked the people in the priority seats first. Those seats are meant for those less able to stand. If those seats were legitimately occupied, then he should have asked others to get up.

Dungandbother · 21/12/2015 16:12

Commuters are in a diff mind zone to tourists.

My pregnant commuting experience is on overground. When you get on the train, the door well is full of people. You can't get to the seats. Bit like a tube.

On my trains as you approach the seats, three lots facing away from you extend into the carriage. People cannot see new passengers getting on.

So I asked. Every time. Twice pregnant that's a lot of days of asking: Please may I have a seat as I am pregnant.

Now. I may sound a right moaner.
But fat women never get up
Asian men never get up
Older men (50's plus) in Suits with papers never get up

Young men suits or workwear always get up
Other mums always get up.

Dungandbother · 21/12/2015 16:16

And the reason I drew this conclusion is the daily ask of 12 people immediately in front of me of which you would expect whoever is closest to get up.

Usually the closest would be those in the top list. One of the bottom list would be several seats away.

Now me, in that situation if I hadn't quite realised quick enough, and I was the closest, I would get up then and there and tell the first offerer to sit again.

In theory 12 people should offer!

But commuters are engrossed and half asleep.

Do as you would be done by and well done OP DD

Fatfreefaff · 21/12/2015 16:28

Dungandbother - how do you know the women who stand up for you are mothers and how do you know the 'fat women' who don't stand up are not mothers or have no health problems?

I developed arthritis when I was 21 and was on the receiving end of lots of nasty remarks through not being able to stand up for the more entitled.
Btw I never once asked for a seat when I was pregnant - my journey was typically 15 mins.

potap123 · 21/12/2015 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 21/12/2015 23:15

Sadly, I wouldn't doubt for a moment that you have trouble getting a seat with a less obvious disability potap (I mean that although it's obvious that you're disabled, a lot of people wouldn't immediately make the leap to "needs a seat" - people are generally pretty thoughtless where they have no personal experience).

But what I think must be unusual is that a TfL staff member actually announced "this person needs a seat" and still hardly anyone responded.

Charley50 · 21/12/2015 23:23

I'm a Londoner and I think we are, in general, lovely. I get the tube to work and offer my seat to elderly people, pregnant people, injured or blind people and people looking overwhelmed with small children or babies. Most people do. Sometimes though I can't tell if someone is pregnant or just overweight, in which case I don't give up my seat..don't want to offend. Or if someone is on the cusp of being elderly I don't want to make them feel more old, so again I might not offer my seat. Anyway Londoners are lovely so yabu!

hibbleddible · 21/12/2015 23:25

potap I'm sorry to hear you have such a hard time on the way to work, living in London I certainly believe it can happen.

How often are you offered a seat without asking? You say more often than not, so that sounds reasonably positive.

expatinscotland · 21/12/2015 23:35

I got offered a seat several times last week in London.

ButtonMoon88 · 21/12/2015 23:49

When I was 8months pregnant last winter I was struggling with shopping bags and trying to get off the tube so a group of young men (I would guess they were 16/17) carried my bags and helped me leave the busy station safely Smile

There are very rude and very helpful people everywhere, stop picking on my home city!

potap123 · 21/12/2015 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hibbleddible · 22/12/2015 00:21

It's interesting to hear your perspective potap

I assume that some people may not see your need for a seat as obviously as someone with a stick for example. It's clear that you do need a seat, so it is good to post hear to make people aware.

Could you try a badge maybe to take away the awkwardness of asking for seats? I'm thinking similar to what pregnant women have, so that people are aware that you need a seat.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 22/12/2015 00:30

My experience is that people are in general mostly helpful and courteous to each-other. Not always, but mostly. There are some real arses everywhere, London included. What I really like about London is the friendliness, how people are keen to strike up conversations, while on the bus, or waiting for the bus, or in any other queue for that matter. The friendly people working the check outs of grocery stores, etc.

I miss Rina in Waitrose East Sheen.

Try chat to somebody at the bus in Norway, or in the check out, and people think you have lost your marbles!

hibbleddible · 22/12/2015 00:36

Talking to strangers in London gold ? Shock

I mostly see people trying to avoid eye contact.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 22/12/2015 00:49

South west London. Maybe it is " the burbs"

Lweji · 22/12/2015 01:02

I once met a really friendly girl on a London bus stop. She even offered some of what she was smoking. Grin

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 22/12/2015 01:10

It wasn't me! I don't smoke! Xmas Grin

alleypalley · 22/12/2015 02:09

I'm a Londoner and also don't think it's typical, and get fed up of the stereotype of grumpy rude Londoners, but let's not carried away, it can be very hit and miss and there are plenty wankers as well as nice friendly chatty people.

One example, my dh left his kindle on the tube once, it was in a cover with a flap in it that had a couple of bits of paper in. His address was in there and a few days later he had it posted back to him with just a note saying 'from a fellow commuter'. Equally though a friend of mine when heavily pregnant was getting on the tube and heading towards 2 empty seats when a woman pushed past her, sat down and then flung her bag on the other seat and said she was saving it for her husband.

So I think there are plenty of bad stories, but on the whole they are far outweighed by examples of friendly helpful people.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/12/2015 02:21

I believe I have been on the tube only about 20 times since becoming visibly mobility impaired. Not once was I offered a seat. Honestly, negotiating the tube is one of the things that puts me off going to London more often.

VashtaNerada · 22/12/2015 03:32

potap that's so shocking, would you mind telling us which line? Or is it all of them? If someone actually asked for a seat I'd be up like a shot! (And I'm a 'fat woman' Dung Angry).
I had a mixed experience when pg but asking definitely helped, only once was my request ignored but I moved down the carriage and someone else gave me a seat.

GoldPlatedBacon · 22/12/2015 04:00

I'm so bored of these ' everyone in London is mean because they live in London' threads. Perhaps I should start a thread of 'is it typical of Winchester residents to not offer a seat on the bus to an obviously heavily pregnant woman?' because that was a great day for me......

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 22/12/2015 07:00

I agree - it's stupid. There are selfish arses on public transport everywhere

potap123 · 22/12/2015 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VintageDresses · 22/12/2015 08:07

I think it's perfectly possible that commuters wouldnt notice the blind person unless asked directly but I really can't imagine anyone refusing. Are you sure it wasn't simply that 8yo was so quick off the mark there was no need for anyone else to offer? Nice stealth boast BTW Grin

I recently got off a train in London to see an elderly lady standing at the bottom of the steps with a small suitcase. Every single person who passed her offered help - which she didn't need because she'd arranged to be met.

KathyBeale · 22/12/2015 08:13

Dung, I am fat and a mother. Where do I fit in your list?

I confess to sometimes deliberately getting on a train in a different carriage from someone pregnant/on crutches/limping etc if I'm very tired on the way home so I don't have to give up my seat. But I would never ignore someone if I saw them. And I am staggered that people will ignore a guide dog nudging them - can you train your dog to wee on their feet?!

My train to work is very busy - I get on at the second stop and don't get a seat. There is a blind woman I sometimes see who gets on further down the line. She stands because by the time she gets on, the aisles are full and there's barely any space to squeeze in by the doors. No one sitting in a seat would see her and even if someone did happen to notice her, and get up, there would be nowhere for that person to stand, and no way of her getting to that seat anyway.

Commuting in London is a miserable, horrible, stressful (and expensive!) business and people just want to get from A to B as fast as possible. I sometimes don't even register my journey because I've been reading/working/sleeping/thinking. I can't excuse people ignoring direct requests or dogs nudging their legs, but I can excuse people who genuinely don't see.