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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

washing up - who?

42 replies

Clarella · 20/12/2015 15:18

Just that really!

How does it work in your house?

Dh often seems to act as if I'm being highly unreasonable about him sometimes helping with the DISHWASHER!

OP posts:
kslatts · 20/12/2015 15:24

Our two teenage dd's do it now that they are old enough. If they are not in it tends to be the person who didn't cook.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 20/12/2015 15:26

everybody but the cook does the dishes and all meal clearing

Original poster
Clarella · 20/12/2015 15:27

I cook.

Or get a microwave meal to cut back on the amount of washing up/ I'm knackered/ at work and picking lo up and bathing etc/ poorly.

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 20/12/2015 15:27

I do most of the cooking, so I ask DH to do the washing up. We have a dishwasher but have never used it.

I also wash up as I cook.

But DH does bathroom and vacuuming/mopping/taking out rubbish.

Original poster
Clarella · 20/12/2015 15:28

He doesn't do any of that either. Does take bin out.

OP posts:
MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 20/12/2015 15:28

Although teen ds can earn extra pocket money doing chore so he grabs the sponge and starts the dishes a lot theese days

Booking · 20/12/2015 15:28

My DP is much the same, OP, he thinks his only part in washing up is being the Fairy baby on the washing up liquid bottle Hmm

It's usually me, and if it's him, there's always a big show of "I've done the washing up for you"

Like I'm the only one who uses our kitchen accessories Hmm

soundsystem · 20/12/2015 15:29

DH mainly in our house, because I mostly cook. When he cooks, I do the dishes. If he isn't in then obviously I wash up after myself!

Spilose · 20/12/2015 15:29

I seem to do it differently to everyone else, but whoever cooks also washes up. It's means the other person can just chill for the night. We take turns. But if one of us really cba after cooking then the other will just wash up. No big deal really. But I only have a small family (one young DS) I'll be roping him in when he's older.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 20/12/2015 15:30

We do it in turns. Unless one of us is cooking a large meal/is unwell/entertaining our own friends/family. With other cleaning chores its a case of 'the bathroom needs a clean, I'll do the bath/sink/toilet if you do the floor/rubbish'. I hate cleaning floors.....

Original poster
Clarella · 20/12/2015 15:31

Fist bumps booking.

I used to work really very long hours, and did all the cooking, and he insisted we did washing up equally.

Now I work part time (though still long hours and stressful) and have extra washing up with a toddler, he seems to think he doesn't need to help.

OP posts:
Wolpertinger · 20/12/2015 15:33

I cook, meal plan and do most of the house organizing and gardening. DH does breakfast, lunch and all dishwashing and clearing up. Plus takes bins out. He will do some garden jobs if given clear instructions. Cleaning and ironing is done by cleaner except odd bits done by me.

Annoys me that DH doesn't cook but I hate washing up with a passion so I'd hate it if he cooked and I had to clear up!

Also DH does not expect to be treated like a hero for this - he just gets on with it.

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2015 15:35

I cook. He loads and unloads the dishwasher and does most of the other chores. He doesn't mind housework and I hate it.
I plan to do more once I start maternity leave. I'll hopefully be ebf so he'll do bath time and nappies when not at work.

Booking · 20/12/2015 15:35

OP Ffs this is my DP all over!

Whilst on sick leave, I was the one to do the washing up etc because he worked. And now that I work longer hours than him, we bloody share Hmm

If it wasn't for him being quite fab in most other aspects, I'd definitely LTB Grin

ExplodingCarrots · 20/12/2015 15:39

Whoever doesn't cook does the washing up. I'm SAHM and DP works 12 hour shifts but that's how we work it. He does it no bother and wipes down the kitchen too.

kaitlinktm · 20/12/2015 15:41

Booking
It's usually me, and if it's him, there's always a big show of "I've done the washing up for you

This is infuriating - you need to snip back "You haven't done it for me, you have done it because it is house work and you are part of this household.

Just like fathers who babysit their own children - grrr!

MummyPig24 · 20/12/2015 15:44

I do it except on a Sunday morning when dh does it. Very occasionally if I ask enough he will do it during the week. I hate it and it's a bond of contention between us.

Original poster
Clarella · 20/12/2015 16:01

Will borrow that one kaitlin!

I know it's a bone of contention amongst many but I genuinely want to know how you work out what's fair.

Tables have shifted recently (though we never worked it out in the first place Hmm) due to changing roles.

I just feel the kitchen is a very shared area. And an area that is a constant ongoing turn over of stuff. I clean everything else, cook, and do the laundry and shopping.

I don't think it's helping that his work has been crazy recently but he seems to find the time to watch a lot of TV every night (I don't watch any now).

OP posts:
Jeffjefftyjeff · 20/12/2015 16:17

Dp almost always does it, and cooks. I do most of tidying, cleaning beyond kitchen, washing, any sort of paperwork or planning. I work longer hours. feels quite equal overall.

FairyFluffbum · 20/12/2015 16:21

If I cook, he does the dishes.

If he cooks......he does the dishes Grin

I have a very domestic and houseproud dh. I can clean but not to his high standards so he will do it. If I do it, he will smile and appreciate it and he won't redo it lest he gets a wack round the head but he does do a major house clean every weekend to make up for it

Enjolrass · 20/12/2015 16:27

Dh cooks, I do dishes.

He tends to use a lot of pots so if there is a large amount of pots he sometimes helps.

He once used every pan found a stir fry. He forgets he is no longer in a working kitchen and people aren't paid to wash up as he goes.

Works for us.

During the day as we both work from home one of usually does whatever pots there are while the kettles boiling.

CatMilkMan · 20/12/2015 16:27

I cook and clean the kitchen, I have a system and I enjoy it.
If DP does it everything ends up in the wrong place so I just do it all over again.

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 20/12/2015 16:34

Division of labour, is the biggest (in fact only) cause of arguments in our household. DH has lazed about watching football all day (fine, no problem afaic) I cleaned the three bathrooms and hoovered, I wanted it done, I did it. All still fine. But now I'm relaxing with a glass of wine and he's huffing and puffing and sighing because I'm not helping him make dinner ffs! It's not the work itself, it's the fucking hypocrisy that really pisses me off

GeneralLeia · 20/12/2015 16:55

I cook so DH does the dishes.

Many moons ago he decided he didn't think this fair and only wanted to do the dishes half the time (but still doing zero cooking), so he started leaving it all for me.

He was told that no dishes = no dinner for him. He thought I was bluffing.

He went hungry for only a few days before giving in. Xmas Grin

He does do a lot of other housework so he's not generally a selfish twat.

I wash up as I go along so it's not like he was left with piles of stuff anyway.

Original poster
Clarella · 20/12/2015 17:03

I think the hypocrisy is that he will dictate a system for managing it but doesn't contribute!

I think we don't have enough routine - things are unpredictable a lot of the time. At least, with him, work socialising etc. he does a lot of both.

OP posts: