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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my brother his husband stole our chocolates

113 replies

Sunflower1985 · 19/12/2015 22:18

Petty - extremely petty, but it's bugging the heck out of me.
We had my brother and his husband over for Christmas meal today. They drove a fair way to us, so we didn't mind supplying the food. They brought presents and a cheese board.
A pleasant enough day, but the ending soured it. We didn't get round to the cheese, having had very decent portions of the beef roast dinner, homemade bread and baked Camembert, chocolates and tiramisu we provided.
On the way out they took all the cheese they bought from the fridge. I made my peace.
Then my BIL went into our garage and took a handful of the the chocolates we had bought back from our holiday. They weren't out. They were tucked away in the garage ffs. He can't have been hungry - we fed them all day. If he was he could have had the cheese they took with them.
WIBU to tell my brother this is twattish behaviour and to get his husband to apologise?

OP posts:
BumWad · 20/12/2015 08:38

I'm LOLing at the tiramsu hate

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2015 08:40

Yes, the "we didn't mind supplying the food" is a bit odd- but remember the remark was made by someone whose brother thought it was OK to take back the cheeseboard he brought!

DinosaursRoar · 20/12/2015 08:41

However YABU for serving tiramisu - it's fucking rank no matter how much care and attention has gone into making it.

(I think we are still all doing salted caramel everything and now bunt tin baked cakes after Nigella's said so).

splendide · 20/12/2015 08:44

I don't really get it, this was an open bag of chocolate in the garage? Don't think I'd care if someone helped themselves. Taking back the cheese is awful though, although if I'd been hosting I'd have made sure I served it.

I love tiramisu.

diddl · 20/12/2015 08:45

Ooh, I'm getting the idea that some people don't like tiramisu.

Doesn't really matter if you weren't at Op's meal, does it?

Sounds as if BIL will be getting banned from another house too!

WildStallions · 20/12/2015 08:47

I can't believe this thread.

My first thought is to feel sorry for both brother and BIL.

Like you all said - who takes back their cheese / steals chocolates. Someone who has problems, that's who.

Her brother has to live with someone who ,at the very least, is a liability in public. But of course chances are has problems at home.

And the BIL clearly has problems of some kind.

Feeling sorry for them will bring you far more peace than feeling angry.

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/12/2015 08:54

Nowt wrong with a bit of tirimisu.

The cheese taking actually struck more of a chord with me, the chocolate thing was utterly bizarre though.

A close family relative was invited to ours on boxing day last year. She ate our food, drank our wine, we gave her a bed and breakfast for the night and then took her fecking cheese home with her the following day. She has history for this kind of thing and had apparently taken (and retrieved) the cheese from dsis's house on Christmas Day too. The incident has become widely known as 'Cheesegate.'

This type of behaviour really takes the (cheese) biscuit.

rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2015 09:00

Why would you have open chocolates in your garage???
Bleurghh Confused

NoahVale · 20/12/2015 09:08

the took the cheese back from your fridge and you made your peace

what does that mean?
did you a disagreement about them taking back the cheese.

and the chocolates, well you want to tell your brother about the bheaivour of his husband, why? what do you expect him to do about it, he is not his keeper?

Bakeoffcake · 20/12/2015 09:14

Haha Noah I was going to say the same thing wtf does "made my peace" mean?

If this did happen, your BIL is a twat.

Next time frisk him before he leaves.

Cotto · 20/12/2015 09:15

I think he probably has a problem with petty theft- he doesn't need it but cant stop himself.
10% of people will always steal, stuff they don't need usually.
My Bil is like this, he cant stop himself.

Its bizarre when a grown man steals toilet rolls whenever he goes to some ones house!

NorthernLurker · 20/12/2015 09:20

I've got all sorts of stuff including chocolate and a Christmas cake in my garage. It's integral to the house and accessed from the hall. I just use it as a very big cupboard.

firesidechat · 20/12/2015 09:35

"made my peace" just means that the op decided not to let it get to her, to let it go. It's not that difficult to understand is it?

catfordbetty · 20/12/2015 09:36

Catford - it's really not ! Someone's gone out of their way to get to yours rather than meet half way, then you supply all the food, if they live round the corner but always come to you, it's less cheeky to asks for them to bring something...

Sorry, but I find this reasoning really odd too. If people come to my home I feed them. I don't expect them to make a contribution calculated according to the distance they travelled. Offering hospitality isn't the opening of a contract whereby the recipients are obliged to give something in return; it's a gift.

MorrisZapp · 20/12/2015 09:43

I think the BIL sounds adorable! It's only chocolate. After a couple of babychams I'll take anything that isn't nailed down.

It's a long journey home without sustenance.

Nataleejah · 20/12/2015 09:51

I'd be tempted to do a prank next time he visits. You can buy such funny tasting sweets (chilli/garlick/onion flavour) and disguise them as 'proper' sweets. Then sit back and watch the reaction Grin

cashewnutty · 20/12/2015 09:57

TBh if someone brought cheese to my house (particularly if they were a close relative) i wouldn't mind if they took it away if we didn't use it. In fact i would probably encourage them to take it back. If the chocs were a in a tub and were open i also wouldn't mind anyone taking some. I have a very much 'what is mine is yours' attitude to having guests.

RamblingRedRose · 20/12/2015 10:08

I'd text your brother "Someone has stolen some of the chocolates from the garage. Was it your DH?".

I agree it's so tacky to take the cheese back. I'd be worried about what else he might have stolen.

Cotto · 20/12/2015 10:13

I would get some nice doggie treats in ! Grin

The cheese ,I would just let it go as the OP has done. Its crass but not worth getting into a scrap about.
The chocolate from the garage is just odd.
I think we need to know the context - did he just go in there ?

Snowglobe1 · 20/12/2015 10:15

You know, I can see lots of things on both sides that could be viewed as twattish. They might be at home now saying 'I can't believe they did that' re not serving their cheese. Life's top short.

Blacktealeaves · 20/12/2015 10:16

Very tacky re cheese. Also weird and goady re chocolates. What a strange bloke.

Snowglobe1 · 20/12/2015 10:16

Or even too short.

Inertia · 20/12/2015 10:23

I think the idea of sending bil and db the rest of the box of chocolates is brilliant!

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/12/2015 10:28

Oh yes cashew I have that attitude too. So if I give someone a gift (for example a bottle of wine for inviting me to a party) I wouldn't be taking it back again, even if it was unopened. That's just rude. As I said, this relative has form. Among her previous exploits are not paying her share for meals out, refusing to tip waiters, expecting lifts to airports and not offering petrol or parking money (when the driver them self has no reason to go to said airport other than dropping her off) and quibbling over giving one euro to help pay a tip for a meal that others have bought for her. Oh, and she's not skint - she's having a 6 week long haul holiday next year!

Anyway, at the risk of derailing the thread, most people would agree that you don't take a gift for someone and reclaim it and you would normally ask before helping yourself to something that clearly isn't on offer.

Cotto · 20/12/2015 10:38

Its the lack of boundaries that just going into some ones garage and taking stuff seems to imply plus the backstory about OPs DM banning him.

If you were all in the garage ( why?) and he saw the chocs and pinched one out of an open box - fine.
If he goes into the garage completely randomly and rummages through your stuff and then fills his pockets with chocolates - bizarre behaviour.