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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Small 4 year old

50 replies

Inneedofachat15 · 18/12/2015 23:40

Hi! I'm just wanting some reassurance?! My dd is 4 almost 5 and so small compared to her classmates,she was tiny born (I didn't know I was pregnant) and grew slowly but no medical concerns, I exbf until 1). She is now 4 at school and so much smaller than her classmates. I get so cross when people keep going on and on about how small she is. She eats enough, she prefers to eat broccoli and cauliflower over most things, she loves olives and cheese and fish and steak. She is very clever and reads at a level well above her age and has just started doing simple addition and subtraction problems. Sorry. The long story, is just background! I get so annoyed with people constantly telling me "she's so tiny, do you ever feed her?" If I didn't feed her she wouldn't be so smart and ss would be involved, why can't kids be small?

OP posts:

Griphook · 18/12/2015 23:42

Oh it's awful isn't it I have a ds 3 who is short? Noticeably so, I'm so worried about him starting school.

Original poster

Inneedofachat15 · 18/12/2015 23:47

griphook, I was so concerned about that too. I didn't get too bothered until her nativity play where she had a main speaking part (last week) and some parents made horrible comments. I buy her clothes from Spain/France and she wears the appropriate ages, if I buy clothes here for her I have to buy her 2 year olds! I think English children are massive!

OP posts:

FattySantaRobin · 18/12/2015 23:47

My DD is tracking between 9th and 25th centiles for height and weight.
DS2 (19 months younger) is 98th centile for height and weight.

I get comments all the time. Or people ask if they are twins. DD turned 2 today, DS2 will be 20 weeks tomorrow. You can tell they aren't twins! I get so annoyed.

Sometimes though I do let people think DD is a genius
"Oh, isnt she clever walking all by herself" and instead of explaining she's 2 I just smile and nod.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/12/2015 23:51

My dd2 is small too. Same age as yours. She's 14kg and 98cm. I think she's fabulous and have no concerns whatsoever about her.

wanderingwondering · 18/12/2015 23:56

I have a tiny one too. She's 6 now and the other day when she was riding her bike someone said 'wow, she's good-is she even 4 yet?!'
She is quite aware of it now too and can get upset when people comment.

SummerNights1986 · 18/12/2015 23:57

If she's 'just' small - but in proportion - you have nothing to worry about. Some kids just are. I was tiny throughout a lot of school. I was wearing age 18 month clothes when I started nursery, and age 8 clothes when I started Comp school.

I had a few blood tests and thyroid tests and scans on my bones over the years because my mum (and Drs) were a bit concerned - all normal.

When I was 14 I was about 4ft 8 - by far the shortest girl in my year. Then I hit a sudden growth spurt and have ended up a completely average 5 foot 5.

People will comment on kids and it's not unique to being small. 'Look at the size of him, he's a bruiser!' comments about ds1 were just as tiresome. As well as being unusually tall and broad for his age, he's well known for being relaxed and laid back, and sometimes a bit 'too' kind (martyr-ish at times, in the nicest way possible). Last year, someone we know called him 'the BFG', thought it was hilarious and then started calling him it regularly. Not for fucking long before I lost my shit with them.

Anyway, yanbu...people will comment and some people are rude. As long as your dd is happy and healthy (and not being outright insulting), try to ignore.

imwithspud · 19/12/2015 00:02

Dd1 is 3 and is the smallest in her class at pre-school so I totally understand. We've had the odd comment and people always act surprised when I tell them she's 3. I would be livid at any 'do you feed her' type comments. I'm not concerned, she eats well the majority of the time and both me and her dad are on the shorter side (I'm not even 5ft tall). She's just petite.

I think a lot of people just don't think before they speak.

cestlavielife · 19/12/2015 00:03

So long as she tracking her line on the chart then don't worry. Smile and wave. My dd1 was 0.2 centile (and then dropped off charts was diagnosed coeliac...still small but 153 cm at 15)

SummerNights1986 · 19/12/2015 00:03

Sometimes though I do let people think DD is a genius Oh, isnt she clever walking all by herself" and instead of explaining she's 2 I just smile and nod

That's one of the benefits of having a small child. Ds2 was small as a baby and started walking confidently at 9 months, which is pretty early anyway - but size wise he was more that of a 4 or 5 month old. People used to gawp, open mouthed when they saw him walking along...it was almost creepy, he just looked far too young to be walking. Gave dh and me a lot of amusement to see peoples reactions though.

Having a large one is the opposite and I used to get quite upset at some reactions to ds1. Ds1 at 3 could have passed for 5 or even 6 at a push, and he had a speech delay too - so at 3 his pronunciation was similar to an 18 month old. So people would 'see' this 5/6 year old strolling along that would then answer them with a stream of baby-babble and they'd give me pitying and/or sympathetic looks

musicposy · 19/12/2015 00:17

DD2 started school in age 2-3 clothes which I had to order in for her. The smallest school sweatshirt in age 3-4 was below her knees. She was tiny. I remember her going into Year 2 and she was still smaller than most of the new reception children. She hovered round the 2nd centile for much of her childhood and we constantly had the threat of "failure to thrive" thrown at us by health visitors etc. But she ate well and was actually very healthy and robust, just tiny.

The only thing that ever upset me was at a parents assembly. I remember her walking in at the back of the line and other parents laughing and pointing at her. She was 8 and looked 4 or 5. I don't think anyone meant it maliciously, just in a "look at that tiny cute girl" way, but I still felt sad.

By 10 or 11 she was really fed up with being called little and cute. She has a feisty personality which totally overcame her size - maybe because of it!

She's 16 now and she's not tall but she's going to be a reasonable sized adult. She's about 5' 3" and may yet grow a fraction, so she got there in the end.

GreatFuckability · 19/12/2015 01:22

My dd2 was tiny starting school at 3. Age 1.5/2 size clothing and even that was big. She was noticeably smaller than everyone for years. Then in the last year has had a massive growth spurt and is suddenly taller than almost all her friends at 9
DS was born tiny and is still shortish and very slim at 11.
Just let it wash over you.

citybushisland · 19/12/2015 01:33

Mine were all tiny - however the eldest 2 are now in their teens and amongst the tallest in their peer groups (no idea how the youngest will turn out yet), we had all the 'do you feed her' 'does she eat' BS, I did wonder sometimes aloud if people could actually hear the hurtful nasty things they say...

torthecatlady · 19/12/2015 02:16

Don't listen to the comments! It gets so tiring! You know that she's healthy and that you feed her so don't worry :)
My SS is 4 and wears age 1.5 - 2 in trousers, but 3-4 on top - feet size 7. He looks very small for his age!

Enjolrass · 19/12/2015 06:42

Dd (12) has always been tiny.

When she was in year 6 they did a data collecting exercise. I'm the whole of year 5 and 6 she had the smallest feet and was the shortest.

Her best friend is now 6 inches taller.

I really don't get why people saying she is small is annoying. People used to comment on dds height, but it's true and it's never bothered me or her to have it pointed out.

On the other hand ds (almost 5) is very tall. Quite slight built but tall.

People always thought he was older which came with derogatory comments. 'Isn't he a bit old for a dummy?' 'He doesn't speak very well for his age?' Etc

Honestly, the comments about dd being tiny never came with a put down. I would prefer people mentioning dd is small rather than the shit I get with ds being tall.

hazeyjane · 19/12/2015 08:51

What horrible comments did the parents at the nativity say?! If I heard someone making comments about Ds I would be apoplectic!

As you say, she is bright and healthy and well - so this is all good!

People make comments about children who are tall, who are short, who have blonde hair, who have red hair, who have...... Well people just make comments, it's usually just something to say and unless they actually mean harm, you need to shrug your shoulders and hope your dd does the same.

HypodeemicNerdle · 19/12/2015 08:55

Yeah, I've got a dinky one too, my DD is 5, youngest in her class and by far the shortest. She makes it up by being very loud and outgoing

On the plus side, she was ill this week and wanted carrying up to bed, because of her dinkyness I can still easily carry her!

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 19/12/2015 08:59

Anecdata; my big brother was so small when he started school my parents had to have a uniform made for him (slightly silly looking private prep school uniform so not available in normal shops).

He is now HUGE! About 6'2" and v athletic. Played rugby, hockey etc all through upper school and uni.

He has been very healthy all his life (apart from some sports injuries), so being teeny hasn't had any negative effects on him.

Callthemodwife · 19/12/2015 09:06

Oh wow this thread is making me feel so much better! DS is 2 and v small after several months of illness. I've been trying myself in knots worrying that he will be stunted and won't ever have a chance to grow to a decent size, LOVE hearing about all the kids who had late growth spurts, all the charts make it seem like if you're 9th centile at 2 that's it for the rest of your life.

hippoherostandinghere · 19/12/2015 09:09

What height and weight is she? And what centile? I've 2 very small kids. Can't say they've ever had nasty remarks, hey be had a lot of aw they're so cute and tiny comments but nothing nasty especially from grown ups.

Hangingbasket14 · 19/12/2015 09:14

Agree with Enjolrass, DC1 is constantly getting comments about 'having a sneaky day off school' (she's 4) as she looks like a 5 year old, makes me feel a bit sad for her. DC2 has the opposite problem as is tiny.

Bogburglar99 · 19/12/2015 09:27

I have a tiddly one too. She's been that way since birth and now at primary school is bright, bonny, energetic and rather good at gymnastics

Check her height and weight and plot them against the centile chart in the back of her red book. If she is above the 2nd centile and has more or less followed the same centile line since birth, then theres unlikely to be cause for concern. She's probably just made that way. Below the 2nd centile is when professionals start to raise an eyebrow I think.

Equally if she is happy, healthy, eats well and has plenty of energy, she's likely to be fine. Much better to have a healthy tiddler than one of the 20% of kids who are overweight by age 11. I worry far more about DS who is at the other end of the spectrum for size!

Hope that helps.

wornoutboots · 19/12/2015 09:42

my 8 month old has only just outgrown her 0-3 month clothes. 2nd centile.

One delightful grandmother at the school gates tells me at least weekly that it doens't look like she's growing at all, and am I sure she's ok, and am I feeding her? (non-bloody-stop! if she's not eating the food I give her or stealing her 3 year old brother's food then she's on the boob...)

It gets wearing to explain every time that yes, she eats well and is fine and the paediatrician has no concerns and neither her father nor I are tall and her grandmother and great grandfather were small and thin so she has it in her genes from both sides....

blahblahblah!
One of these days I'm going to lose my temper and demand she either states what she's accusing me of or {bleeeep}s off!

Jw35 · 19/12/2015 09:55

I had the opposite, a 9lb 8oz baby who was in 3-6m clothes by 4 weeks old and 12-18 by 9 months. Massive chunky legs, long hair and 8 teeth by 10 months! She's one on Tuesday and looks like a toddler. I was weirdly jealous of small babies! I didn't have one for long!

monkeysox · 19/12/2015 10:57

She sounds like me. I got free on the bus until I was 8 and was offered a child fare in my 20s

Original poster

Inneedofachat15 · 19/12/2015 11:06

Oh wow, thank you all! It's lovely to hear others have the same, I feel reassured! X

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