Small 4 year old

[Inneedofachat15]

Hi! I'm just wanting some reassurance?! My dd is 4 almost 5 and so small compared to her classmates,she was tiny born (I didn't know I was pregnant) and grew slowly but no medical concerns, I exbf until 1). She is now 4 at school and so much smaller than her classmates. I get so cross when people keep going on and on about how small she is. She eats enough, she prefers to eat broccoli and cauliflower over most things, she loves olives and cheese and fish and steak. She is very clever and reads at a level well above her age and has just started doing simple addition and subtraction problems. Sorry. The long story, is just background! I get so annoyed with people constantly telling me "she's so tiny, do you ever feed her?" If I didn't feed her she wouldn't be so smart and ss would be involved, why can't kids be small?

I would let people know that she doesn't like it. I'm afraid I'm sometimes guilty of commenting on children's height (I'm short myself maybe I have s complex!) but if I realise from child or parent that child is self conscious about being particularly short or particularly tall, I wouldn't comment on it again. Obviously not gonna help with the random school mums though

It was at his navity play that it really became apparent as well. He hates being called little and I have had an argument with his preschool over it. I'm very defensive and if anyone comments I now say something passive aggressive back.
I also started measuring him once a month to check he's growing.

One delightful grandmother at the school gates tells me at least weekly that it doens't look like she's growing at all, and am I sure she's ok,
Pretend you miss heard her and every so sweetly say 'yes you do seem to be Shrinking it can happen with age'

My ds is 3, 5 early next year, is sleeping right next to me in gis 12-18 month pyjamas! He was 8.2lb at birth but is just a long skinny boy...eats a wide range of food, freakishly strong and by no means behind despite being smaller than other kids his age...it's just him. I think people.comment on things because they don't know what to say...and end up saying something stupid!

That should be...4 early next year not 5!

It can work in her favour as she gets older, mine is often mistaken for a child 1-2 years younger than she is. When they do quite well, but not astonishingly so, they get loads of praise for just how good they are, so the little ones often get an extra confidence boost. People forget what age they are, even sports coaches and music teachers.

Growing up I saw my (very tall) sister getting the "a big girl like you should know better" put down whilst her smaller but same age friends got away with things.

Ive the opposite issue. My ds is big. He is 91st centile atm but has been over the 100th. Even my nan was cross he couldnt hold a pencil properly last week as she forgot he was only three. He is taller than children in my dd's year 1 class. The doc asked me this week if my 3 and 5 yr olds are twins. People expect so much lore
From him just because he is tall.

Did you actually exclusively breast feed until he was one? Imo thats far too late!!! I cant imagine a child not eating food at 6 months and thats considered late to introduce food by some people. I really dont see how witholding food until one is healthy.

I can only think of positives with being small when young (as long as not undernourished).
Others think you're some kind of genius, parents can still carry you, get in cheaper for stuff, etc etc

Small is beautiful.

I find people tend to overdramatize, my son age 5 was in a wheelchair for a couple of weeks for a badly broken leg and people all treated me like he had some terminal illness or something.

You could consider checking out that she is eating enough calories - add up the calories in a few days meals and check against the recommended. If that's fine then you have that information behind you and so you don't need to be upset by any unhelpful comments about how you feed her etc.

My dgd is tall for her age and I can't help thinking that is more of a handicap. People do tend to judge children by their height and the tall ones always look like older children who are a bit dumb.

If anyone has said 'do you feed her' that is clearly a ridiculous comment. In general people just make conversation and sometimes in desperation its about the physical appearance of children. Everyone's dc have something about them to comment on.

The most noticeable thing about my dds which is sometimes commented on is that they look nothing like each other at all. And its quite a feat of genetics that dh and I have managed to have 2 daughters with such entirely different physical features. As long as you are sure she's just small don't take it to heart. If you are worried at all take her to the doctors.

Asking you if you feed her is very rude IMO.
I was very small as a child and frequently mistaken for a few years younger. I had various tests but they didn't find anything wrong with me. My bone age was about 2.5 years behind my chronological age. Eventually I made it to 5 foot 1.

My children are about average, thanks to DH being a foot taller than me!

My children and I were all tiny at school but caught up. My daughters are adult now and size 8. I'm the same. I know how you feel because I would often hear comments but I learned a form of words to shut them up. When they were young I'd say "yes she is small but she still has feelings" and when they were older I taught them to say "well thank you I don't have to work at it I'm naturally slim". Honestly I know exactly how you feel, it's so rude to make personal remarks. She is healthy but you don't want others to crush her confidence.

I wonder about this, my daughter is somewhere between the 9th and 25th centile at 6 months and can't really imagine what she will be like as a toddler or even at a year old in terms of size or weight.

She's only just now fitting in to 3-6 months clothes.

DS1 has been small (but seems to be catching up). He started off long, lean and heavy, but then stalled. He's always had a hearty appetite and eaten a good variety (although was affected by food allergies, but that made us a bit more creative to keep his diet varied). Being small, lean and young looking has helped with his speech delay as people haven't expected more of him than he was ready to give. DS2 is chunkier and the age gap between them seems smaller than it is. Ds2 is very competent, but still looks young for his abilities which confuses people.

I was always small and young looking. Even now, people are always suprised by my job as they don't expect me to do it at my size. Accidentally getting a child bus fare at 29 was a random bonus.

The only real difficulty was waiting for so long to grow into things like theme park rides. I've rarely clothes swapped with friends either.

At 3 or 4 people will still comment quite a bit, once they are in the middle of primary everybody forgets how old they are.

That is when the positive side really will show, a good reader who is 7 will look spectacularly clever if thought of as 5. A good reader at 7 who looks 9 won't look so great. If people see a group of kids equally good at roller skating/ football/ swimming the one who looks youngest will be complimented.

I feel for the big, older looking ones, years of primary age being told "you should do better at your age/ he's a bit slow, isn't he" versus "aren't you clever/ look at her skating" can change self-image I think.

Both my DC are tall and skinny so I get the 'do you feed them' too. No matter how much they eat they just get taller but no fatter. I'm short and fat so I don't know how I managed to produce such slender children. DS at 19 is 6'1" and still only weighs about 9 and a half stone and 3 year old DD is 3'4" tall but still only weighs 27lbs, I'll be over the moon when she hits the 2 stone mark! Her paediatrician is quite happy with her though, she's just naturally slim (I must have some skinny genes but they obviously lie dormant in me!)

Depending on her birth weight and gestation, she may be automatically eligible for growth hormone therapy, now that she is 4

DD has always been a dinky dot. She was 7lb 10oz at birth but looked much smaller - the surgeon at the birth (CS) actually asked that she be weighed again as she didn't believe she could be over 7lb in size, she thought she could only be around 6lb based on her size. DS1, her older brother, had been huge in comparison (over 9lb born) and I was expecting her to be big too so I'd only brought size 0-3 month sleepsuits to hospital. They were massive on her! The arms and legs on them were empty because her entire self fit into just the body part of the suit. I had to send DH out for first size things.

From then on she grew, but slooooooooowly. By six weeks old she was on 2nd centile and has hovered between there and the 9th centile ever since. She stayed in first size until she was around three months, then she went into 0-3, at a year old she was wearing 6-9 months.

Now she's 4yo, she weighs 29lb, wears size 2-3 school uniform (it is an absolute bugger trying to find small uniform sizes in the right colours!), and has size 7E feet. She's looking a little bit full around the face at the minute so I'm hoping she's about to have a growth spurt. DS2, 22mo, is catching up to her. He's 25lbs so it probably won't be long until he overtakes her.

I get comments now and again. At Halloween we took her around near my parents' house and one of their neighbours shouted me back to say that "the baby" had taken a pack of Love Hearts and would she be able to manage them? I also get people tell me what a good talker she is or how good she is at x, y, or z "for her age". People presume she's younger than she is. There's a carvery near us that feeds children aged two and under for free if they're with paying adults, they get a little dish for you to take to the carvery. Everytime we're there, they bring her a dish and every time she gets offended because "I is NOT a baby!" and I think to myself, "hush child, you're about to get a free lunch..."

Last year the HV got us to keep a food diary to check that she was getting enough calories and agreed that she was, they concluded she's just small made. She doesn't eat huge portions, some days it seems like she lives on fresh air, so I use full fat milk, butter, cheese, avocado, etc to boost her calorie intake a bit.

I think ultimately, someone has to be the smallest, so it may as well be her.

Another teeny DD here too! Unsurprising, given the 'Very Short Genes' she has got from my grandmother's side of the family! But I do sympathise, OP, that seeing her next to her peers in preschool makes her seem worryingly tiny. She's still on the centile chart for her age though - someone somewhere has to represent the lower centiles!

Growth hormone therapy can have terrible side effects, it is a huge decision, nobody would give it to a 4yo who just appears a bit small. Headaches, fluid retention, joint problems and a potential link with leukaemia. Really not something for a kid who is in size 2-3 clothes aged 4. It only works in children who have a lack of growth hormone (by no means all small ones).

I don't think they will give growth hormone just because they are small. DD2 is below the 0.4th centile. Smaller than most that says their children are small here. She had her first visit to the paediatrician at 1. They basically say if they find nothing wrong with her, then hormone will not help. And that she's just naturally small. Even tracking under all the lines on the chart is still growing! They are concerned more about dropping off.

She passed her first examination on milestones. Had 3 months if weighings. Her case will be reviewed again next month. If they aren't happy, it will be blood tests and dietician.

She is 15mo and wearing 6-9mo clothes.

Yes, ds has always been under the centile lines for height. He is 5.6 and monitored every 3-6 months, he has just started to drop centiles with weight (which are much higher than his height) so there are more concerns now, but there has been no mention of growth hormone.

DD is a titch. She wears almost the right age of clothes now at 9 but only because her legs and arms have grown so long - I have to take literally everything in. If it was just a question of width she would still happily be in age 3 or 4. When she started school she was still wearing age 2-3 and looked so tiny compared to the others despite being older in the year. Now she is about average height but there are plenty of kids a couple of years younger who are taller than her. She is perfectly healthy, btw, rarely ill, full of energy, doing well at school etc. She is just a titch. Some children are!

My DD is an absolute shrimp. She is 8 months old but still in 3-6 clothes and has been crawling for a few weeks, stands against furniture and can climb up a full set of stairs (😫) everyone is constantly commenting about how tiny she is to be doing all this and it can be Frustrating.

They are kids though, some grow slower than others and some randomly shoot up. Some are tall children and short adults, some vice versa. As long as she is in proportion and not regressing, relax!