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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am ? i am? annoyed !!!!!!!!!!!

120 replies

creamponies · 17/12/2015 22:33

ok We as a family and a good number of cousins that are in similarly age with us all and we used to spend various of long summer holidays of hanging out.

anyone we tried to arrange catch ups and etc.

my first cousin got married last year.
And i went to her hens. in a different county and her wedding again spending several nights in a hotelx

I wanted to go and i did enjoyed myself but as i was on a fixed income there was a considerable sum to me but i scrimped.

Hens was fine.
I WAS however put out of her wedding as she the bride. Spended more time with her Friends and it was party wedding she had the celebrations with her immediately family the day before. Which was fine but personally i would had have the day and be done with. No proper seating and and everyone grabbing food from where they could take it. AND SHE didn't even say goodbye to everyone at the breakfast table as she was hungover!!!!
so we fb chatted and i found out from a mutual cousin that she will be a aunt over in January and that was about a month ago. Which is a blessing and a joyous occasion. blah blah well we had chatted on and off so i gave her a few texts but i wanted her to tell me her good news and we chatted on fb about various things.
Explained to me that she loves her marraige life and they have plenty of time to have children.

I said you would be a great mum etc and not a word from her that she be a aunt her rest of a family arent on facebook and her mum and my mum arent close. So that was that until today she text me im a aunty and i replied what? and she explained blah blah and i said whate? are you only telling me this now?
i didn't even she was pregnant her db wife? oh she said did you not know? i thought everyone knew (it wasnt any other reference anywhere or i would have picked on it) I SAID no i didnt your the only one of your family that talks to me.? they rest live around 300 miles.

Oh yea she says i didn't think like that i thought my mum might have told our mutual aunt and she will mentioned to your mum but i forget that our mums dont talk (there are sisters)
blah blah about keeping it quiet which is (understandably after a certain amount time unless your showing) ah sure it was on the cards. married,house
so i replyed after congrats to her saying if you ever get pregnant please tell me and not when the baby is born. and she was oh yea blah blah but im was so furious that i said had to go for a party. i THINK THAT WAS LOUSY TBH couldnt even say im going to be a aunt soon

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 17/12/2015 23:00

T-Rex, is that you?

mouldycheesefan · 17/12/2015 23:00

No idea why there are communication issues in the family!

reni2 · 17/12/2015 23:00

its my first cousin that was having a baby her brother but his wife

Your first cousin's brother's wife is having a baby? First cousin's brother is a first cousin, too, right? So your cousin-in-law had a baby?

Maybe you are annoyed because you feel close to them and think you should have known earlier. Some people are a bit superstitious about pregnancy and won't announce any more widely than they have to. Just send a card.

Redlocks28 · 17/12/2015 23:01

Are you 12?!

TwoSmellyDogs · 17/12/2015 23:01

Graham the baby!

MoMoTy · 17/12/2015 23:01

what? Can't make out what this post is about.

Inertia · 17/12/2015 23:02

Needascarf, I think she the bride may be Sharon.

SisterMoonshine · 17/12/2015 23:02

She assumed someone would have told you. Which they did - your mutual cousin.
Don't make it into a problem.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/12/2015 23:03

OK, I think I now understand.

YABU. Don't make other people's life events about you.

Topseyt · 17/12/2015 23:03

I don't think telling the OP that we cannot understand her is sniping.

We might be able to give a perspective if we had any idea what she is wittering about.

S0dabread · 17/12/2015 23:05

I lost my dad in the middle of 2nd round IVF, then lost second embryo, dangerous pregnancy bleeding from low placenta and hospitalised 3 x. I didn't advertise my pregnancy and upset one or two people who I didn't see too often by not telling them what was happening. Lost a friend over it. It was a great shame so see it now from both sides 3 years on. But I was protective of myself and wanted to celebrate once I knew it was all OK. Don't know if this helps you in any way but offering you it from the other side of the coin. Never meant any malice to anyone

Yambabe · 17/12/2015 23:05

Well I read the OP and assumed that maybe English wasn't her first language.

Now I'm not sure.

But I think YABU to be annoyed with your cousin for not telling you someone else's news.

BlueBananas · 17/12/2015 23:06

hesterton

I still have no fucking idea what's going on ... blah blah blah

Shutthatdoor · 17/12/2015 23:06

No idea why there are communication issues in the family!

Took the words right out of my mouth

Funinthesun15 · 17/12/2015 23:07

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2015 23:07

Creamponies - do you want to carry on being cross about this? Is it really worth the stress and upset?

I personally wouldn't get upset about either of these things - I have got enough stuff going on in my own life and I wouldn't want or need more stress/upset.

You could tell your cousin that you are upset with her, and why - but what good would that do? What would you want to achieve by doing it - and do you think telling her would actually achieve these things?

I doubt she'd 'get' why you are so upset and it could just cause a big fall out.

Are you feeling hurt because you are far away from family? If I have understood you, your family all live fairly close together, and you live a long way away - maybe this has upset you because you already feel separated from your family, and being left out of the baby news has been the trigger for these emotions, the last straw.

reni2 · 17/12/2015 23:08

I get who is having the baby. Now, they are not on fb and everyone else knew because they live in the village and you do not? Could they have forgotten to tell you? Sometimes an item of common knowledge won't get shared again because everybody assumes somebody told you it being such old news?

I have never told anybody other than my dh about my cousins' pregnancies. It is entirely possible I might have known about one of them and not told somebody I could have because they are just not high on my agenda.

Original poster

creamponies · 17/12/2015 23:09

thanks quiero you got in one
i mentioned the wedding background story to say.
that i care for my cousin and i want to celebrate her day. even though it was expensive but hey thats what credit cards are for.
i am miffed that Mary could not haven mentioned to me

i did find out a month ago by a mutual cousin who rang me to say why did i not tell her about the "NEWS" as i "TALK TO MARY" which i replied what?

mary can talk about this and that but she never mentioned to me she will be an aunt.

OP posts:

Havetohaveanewchufffingaccount · 17/12/2015 23:09

Wow... I can't work out who's been drinking here... Op or me!

Eigg · 17/12/2015 23:09

Come on people- it's not that hard to understand the OP.

cream. Regarding the wedding - I understand that you are hurt that you were only invited to the reception and not the wedding the day before, but it's really up to your cousin and her DH. Weddings are never a good time to catch up with a bride or groom - they are too busy.

Regarding the baby - again, yes it's hurtful that she didn't mention that her brother was expecting a child however it isn't really her news to tell, it's her brothers. She probably did genuinely forget that you didn't know.

I get that it is hard if you are the only one in the family that lives away from home - perhaps you need to make an effort to keep in touch with some other family members as well as your cousin and then you won't miss important news.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/12/2015 23:10

Not everything is about you, OP.

Quiero · 17/12/2015 23:11

I say Fuck Mary and move on with your life.

abbieanders · 17/12/2015 23:12

So basically, your question is whether you are being unreasonable for being f upset that a cousin, to whom you feel close, didn't tell you some family news.

On balance, you probably are. It wasn't her news to tell.

theycallmemellojello · 17/12/2015 23:13

Ok all it's not really ok to mock people for their use of language. Some people find written communication harder than others.

Op, I think that you should cut your cousin some slack. Wedding days are hectic and it's normal to feel like you don't get any time with the bride and groom. She might have felt like she had to make more of an effort with friends than family because she feels closer to you. As for announcing that she is becoming an aunt - it's usual for the new parents to announce the baby. She will have presumed that they would have told you.

ouryve · 17/12/2015 23:14

When you make life complicated it gets rather... complicated.

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