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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not go to work tomorrow or being over senstative?

112 replies

littlemissnaughty121 · 17/12/2015 17:55

I work with 99% men so swearing and banter is always going on. I was moved next to a guy today who is very full of himself, has a degree and sees himself better than everyone else. His language is awful - F this C this. Anyway, he called a lad "duck" so I took the mick & said that I'd throw something at him if he called someone else duck. Anyways, he was swearing like a trooper when one of the lads came over and asked how I put up with it so I repeated that he could swear away as long as he didn't say "duck". Well, he laughed & said "duck" so I threw a tiny piece of paper at him. Well, he lost the plot screaming at me, who did I think I was throwing something at him and to never to do it again, it was so violent - he is a large 6ft6 man to my 5ft2 slim build. I just stared in shock - the other guy walked off in shock. 5 mins later, he repeats what he said and made say that I wouldn't do it again and apologise.

I think one of the managers has had a word as everyone heard/saw it. I sat in total silence for the rest of the afternoon. I am sitting next to him tomorrow so don't want to go in.

Am I overacting?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/12/2015 17:58

I don't think you should not turn up; you'll end up in trouble with that. I would go to HR as soon as you get to work, though, and talk to them about it. I'd be really intimidated if someone was swearing like that all the time - I'm sure that'll be against company rules.

TheoriginalLEM · 17/12/2015 17:59

im curious as to your job where you are sitting next to folk on certain days.

he sounds like an arsehole so YABU if you don't go in, you need to make an official complaint and HE needs to apologise.

don't be intimidated

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/12/2015 18:00

Of course you should go in, but talk to HR. If you call up and say "Can't come in, too traumatized", they'll think you're overreacting.

catfordbetty · 17/12/2015 18:00

I don't understand your objection to the word duck. However, I don't think you are being unreasonably sensitive to dislike being screamed at by a colleague.

PotOfYoghurt · 17/12/2015 18:01

Is duck a euphemism?

MatildaTheCat · 17/12/2015 18:02

You should go in and first thing ask for a meeting with your manager and complain. Outrageous workplace behaviour.

OddSocksHighHeels · 17/12/2015 18:03

I would still go to work, he would probably love it if he found out he's scared you off and you could get in trouble with management.

I'd ask to be moved away from him though due to how aggressive he's been.

And don't let size scare you (or don't let it show) I can't stand knobheads who think I should be intimidated by their size.

TheCrimsonPleb · 17/12/2015 18:04

Go in. He should be at home feeling ashamed and worrying about coming in to work again.

Ta1kinPeace · 17/12/2015 18:05

Go in
see HR
make a formal complaint
request that he is sent for training in how to behave in he workplace

VintageDresses · 17/12/2015 18:06

I don't get the duck thing either.

Staying home would be ridiculous. If it's still bothering you, it needs dealing with which isnt going to happen if you stay home. Ask for a meeting with your line manager

SilverdaleGlen · 17/12/2015 18:06

Don't let him win! You cock your own job up because of HIS temper.

You need to go in and face the shit down. If you can't then go to your manager and ask for HIM to be moved.

BondJayneBond · 17/12/2015 18:07

I think you need to speak to your manager or HR about this.

I can understand you not wanting to go in, but that's not really a good way of dealing with the situation.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/12/2015 18:07

Well I would go in, but I would also go straight to HR to talk. You have plenty of witnesses and he massively overreacted in a threatening way.

Hopefully they can sort our seating arrangements there and then.

SilverdaleGlen · 17/12/2015 18:07

Oh and I don't get the "duck" thing either but that's not the point. Sounds like the laddy "bants" is taking over from actual work.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 17/12/2015 18:09

What the duck?!

aibu to not go to work tomorrow or being over senstative?
Ginslinger · 17/12/2015 18:10

Please explain duck

But yes go to work and speak to HR

LeaLeander · 17/12/2015 18:10

He's the one who should be frightened.

Go to HR asap. Hostile working environment, co-worker with anger management issues, personal threat from co-worker, etc. You have a lot on your side. You shouldn't have thrown anything at him because that's just foolish in a world where it could be seen as "assault in the workplace" but you still have a valid case to have him kept away from you.

It sounds like a very immature and discouraging environment.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/12/2015 18:10

The "duck" thing - I may be reading this wrong - sounds like a joke that the man suddenly decided to take seriously.

OddSocksHighHeels · 17/12/2015 18:12

Duck is a term of endearment (or whatever phrase is more suitable) in a few areas, like "darling" or "love." I guess OP was just trying to engage in "workplace banter" but her colleague reacted by being a total arsehole.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/12/2015 18:13

OddSocks said it better than I did.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/12/2015 18:15

Tbh, if someone threw something at me I'd try my very best to give them a kicking. Totally out of order.

Chapsie · 17/12/2015 18:18

Totally immature behaviour from both of you and I'm bloody glad I don't work in that environment. You will seem completely ridiculous if you don't go in as you are hardly the Angel in this - threatening to throw something at a colleague ??? 'Duck' - are you sure he wasn't shouting duck from your missiles.?

ImperialBlether · 17/12/2015 18:18

So someone throws a piece of paper at you and you'd kick them, gobby?

Fairenuff · 17/12/2015 18:18

What's the duck thing about?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/12/2015 18:20

A tiny ball of paper Gobby?

You'd give someone a kicking for throwing a tiny ball of paper? Shock

OP, I'd go to work - put in a formal complaint & tell macho degree man to duck off.