aibu to not go to work tomorrow or being over senstative?

[littlemissnaughty121]

I work with 99% men so swearing and banter is always going on. I was moved next to a guy today who is very full of himself, has a degree and sees himself better than everyone else. His language is awful - F this C this. Anyway, he called a lad "duck" so I took the mick & said that I'd throw something at him if he called someone else duck. Anyways, he was swearing like a trooper when one of the lads came over and asked how I put up with it so I repeated that he could swear away as long as he didn't say "duck". Well, he laughed & said "duck" so I threw a tiny piece of paper at him. Well, he lost the plot screaming at me, who did I think I was throwing something at him and to never to do it again, it was so violent - he is a large 6ft6 man to my 5ft2 slim build. I just stared in shock - the other guy walked off in shock. 5 mins later, he repeats what he said and made say that I wouldn't do it again and apologise.

I think one of the managers has had a word as everyone heard/saw it. I sat in total silence for the rest of the afternoon. I am sitting next to him tomorrow so don't want to go in.

Am I overacting?

Ah, Motor Trade.

You've got to be really tough to be in the motor trade and not take any shit.

Their all full of shit though so do complain because you cannot let them get away with it.

I am certain he didn't give it any headspace after work and is trying to put you in your place because your a woman. Or splitter as I've heard us referred as.

Guess who's dh is motor trade? he has had full feminism training from me dont worry

But this wasn't a jokey thing, it was an attempt to manage another person's behaviour. By throwing stuff at them.

If it's not something you've experienced, it can be really intimidating so I understand not wanting to go back in. Something similar happened to me when I was younger and I felt awful. But my position has always been that I won't work for an organization that supports that kind of behaviour-- so I handed in my notice the next day.

Now I'm getting to an age where I'm a bit harder and more likely to fight my corner. I don't tolerate people behaving in an abusive manner towards me, but I may be more inclined to see him off than quit.

he called a lad "duck" so I took the mick & said that I'd throw something at him if he called someone else duck.

Do you not have the phrase "took the mick" up in your northern area, gobby? Sounds fairly jokey to me - except this guy decided to take it seriously and react like a lunatic.

I've done management roles and had men think they can be twats as a result (customers and colleagues) - I'm 5"1, size 6 and young. If you act like you aren't scared and stand up to any shit they pull then they soon learn to stop it. And hopefully it makes them think with the next person too. Leaving the job/taking the day off won't help.

another, OP said the guy in question had been spoken to, so it seems it is being dealt with.

gobby

I disagree. It was banter and he over-reacted

It was jokey though gobby she says so in the OP. Her tone of voice, facial expressions and body language would be easy to read by anybody that was actually there as well.

What a nut, least everyone else saw this. Just go in, do your work, he owes you an apology.

OP wasn't throwing "stuff" for god's sake! Please do stop saying that!

Was it a stapler, a monitor, a computer mouse, a coffee mug? No it was a tiny ball of paper.

OP was trying to get him to shut the hell up, yes, which sounds completely and utterly reasonable in the circumstances! Maybe she should have done it your way & given him a good kicking instead!

I didn't take offence to his using the word Duck, it was just a joke - I said I preferred him swearing to using the word duck "you alright duck"! glad I don't work with you gobby - looks like throwing a tiny bit of round up piece of paper would have ended up with me covered in a few bruises.

I work on minimum wage simply to send my 2 year old to nursery as her speech Is an issue and she loves the structure - I end up with about £80pw to live on after working a 60 hour week and paying her fees.

So I want to enjoy work. Have some fun as well as working hard.

I have texted my employment agency to see if there is another placement as no where else to sit.

Odd in my twenties I had a colleague (who had a reputation for shouting at people) say to me threateningly "If X doesn't happen, then I will lose my temper."

I laughed and said "I don't care about that, I'm just trying to do my job." He was a bit speechless and was nothing but polite to me for the rest of the months we interacted.

So I want to enjoy work. Have some fun as well as working hard.

Don't we all. But this is ONE incident which the company has shown willing to resolve, and you're already running away. That seems very odd to me. Are you going to do this every time you disagree with a colleague?

OP says it was jokey. My friends and I take the piss out of each other all the time. However if I went up to someone who wasn't in on the joke or didn't appreciate my sense of humour, and said the same things, then it wouldn't be friendly bantz.

In your shoes I'd probably do the same with speaking to the agency. Yes, the right thing to do is to go in etc, but when someone intimidates you like that it's horrid. I don't think it can be classed as "disagreeing with a colleague" - when I disagreed with my colleagues none of them ever lost the plot screaming at me. Not the same at all.

gobby Thankfully not everyone is like you and the OP's colleague and can regulate themselves in face of banter they may not be appreciating.

Working in an office full of men I can see how one might awkwardly try out banter and have it rejected by a guy who clearly thinks his cock is made of gold. I might awkwardly do it myself.

It was banter, wasn't it? It all sounds quite light hearted. He says "duck", you tease and say you'll throw something at him if he does it again. Later, the story is related to someone else, he says "duck" again (deliberately), you throw a bit of paper. So far, so good, ligt hearted, amusing, a bit of fun. Then he blows his top.

He doesn't sound safe. I pity his wife/partner.

I'd go to the Manager and definitely talk to my agency.

If you're a temp you can walk away, I wouldn't, mainly because I wouldn't let the nasty bar steward get away with it. Btw gobby a massive over-reaction to a small bit of paper that didn't even hit the target, do you need anger management therapy? or maybe just to grow up

Let me put it into context:

Mr X said "hello duck" to a man and I said oh, Ive never heard a man use that phrase and joked that Id throw a piece of paper at him next time, he was swearing like a trooper when Mr K came over and said "how on earth do you put up with his potty mouth", I said it didn't bother me but if he used the word duck again, I was going to throw a piece of paper at him, he used the word duck! what did he expect me to do?!

about half an hour later, he was called out of the office, whether it was about me or not, I don't know but the manager involved is now a very good friend.

My work is very boring and monotonous that I can be a bit cheeky with the lads (the ones I know) & after listening to him drone on about me me me, I wanted some fun.

I feel sorry for him as he is very over weight and not much of a looker and doesn't seem to have any friends. I did nothing this morning but listen to him drone on and try and make him feel good about himself.

Go in. Speak to HR/Management there. Also speak to your agency. Start keeping a log of everything.

Well you both sound a bit daft. You over reacted, threw something at him and then he over reacted in return.

And now you're in tears over it.

I think you need to take a step back and see it for the silly behaviour it was, on both sides.

His behaviour was hugely out of line but you weren't in any physical danger. I just don't understand your reaction and your reluctance to give the company a chance to deal with the issue. I could understand if this was a couple of days later and no one at the company had mentioned it and he was giving you dagger looks all day.

This guy sounds seriously unhinged. I've temped in some pretty rock n roll places but he sounds mad.

Call your agency and ask for another placement - chances are they have had complaints about him before. You should not be scared at work. Bored and frustrated, but not in fear!

Not sure his physical appearance is anything to do with the story really but I understand that he isn't popular.

You need to take the issue in hand and speak to HR maturely tomorrow if you are unable to speak to him yourself.

It was banter and he reacted aggressively without any warning.

If everyone is standing around laughing and someone jokes about throwing paper before actually throwing paper it is just that - banter. Screaming and yelling about it is beyond necessary. It must have been very shocking and I can understand the op feeling very out of sorts.

Staying at home and avoiding the issue won't help however

Walking out over this and being in floods of tears is a big overreaction. You need to go in tomorrow and talk immediately to the manager about what steps they have taken to deal with this man and what they will do to ensure there is no repetition. For all you know he's been put in a final warning or has been moved elsewhere anyway.