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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is weird right?

133 replies

TheTravellingLemon · 17/12/2015 15:30

I found out this week that my ex has just had a little girl and given her my name. Is this weird? It's weird right?

We split up a good 10 years ago and have since each gone on to get married and have our own families but it's still weird isn't it? We were together for 7 years and we were very serious with an awfully messy breakup.

To be clear, before I get flamed for some unforeseen reason, I don't care, it's just odd. Isn't it? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Yseulte · 17/12/2015 16:57

I think it's weird.

I went out with someone a long time ago (longer than 10 years) and I changed a rescue animal's name because it was the same as his. (It's quite a common name).

I'm not pining for him, I ended it, but that name is forever associated with him and that time of my life.

Alicewasinwonderland · 17/12/2015 16:59

that is really weird. Unless the name was also the name of my dad/brother/grandad or someone really close, I would not have considered an ex's name.

I don't think I would be very happy if I discovered that my daughter had the same name than my husband's ex! (unless, once again, it was a family member)

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 17/12/2015 17:01

I don't think its weird only because I couldn't have named my ds anything if I discounted names of all my exs Grin

Timri · 17/12/2015 17:12

To be honest, if she definitely knows about you, I'd assume that she chose the name and it was her mums/nans name or something. That's the only reason I could see it happening, if she had a personal connection to the name. Otherwise, yes, Very weird!!

SisterMoonshine · 17/12/2015 17:12

He might not have especially mentioned you or played her old wedding videos. I don't know how old ish you all are, but he could maybe have a few exes. And your name really not be the big deal you think. I know 7 years might seem a seriously long time, but it depends on your age and how long ago, and what's happened in the meantime.

patterkiller · 17/12/2015 17:24

Two women who bullied me at school both named their children the same name as me and also a school friend who I desperately fancied and never told him named his first born my name. And it isn't a very popular name. Who knows why the bullies did it I could never name my child the same name as a person I despised.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 17/12/2015 17:36

I would probably assume that the mother chose the name - but yes, I think it's weird. I wouldn't have done it.

In fact, I really liked the name, lets say 'Marcus' - but my first serious love was Mark, and DH knows this, so I wouldn't have suggested it.

My DH vetoed one of my favourite boys names, because it was the name of the husband of a very close work colleague, and he thought that would be a bit weird.

mrsmegavator · 17/12/2015 17:44

I once had a boyfriend with the same name as my DS2. Common name and one both DH and I love, so not weird at all, imo...

southlondonbaby · 17/12/2015 17:50

When I was in high school my best friend (15) was manipulated into having sex multiple times by the married teacher. Horrible. Then, about five years later we returned to our old area to find out his new daughter had her (relatively uncommon) name!! Now that is weird.

Pidapie · 17/12/2015 17:57

I would find it weird. I wouldn't name my child the same as an ex, not even a long time ago ex.

SoWhite · 17/12/2015 18:00

I would probably assume that the mother chose the name - but yes, I think it's weird. I wouldn't have done it.

Sure fire way to get your other half to stop banging on about a name you don't like:

'Oh yes darling, good choice. In fact, I used to shag someone with that name, right before you. Great sex!'

squoosh · 17/12/2015 18:01

Yes. It's weird.

HackerFucker22 · 17/12/2015 18:30

Depends. If you are an Eva / Eve / Evie / Ava then not too weird. If your name is a real one of a kind then yes a lot weirder.

laurierf · 17/12/2015 18:30

I can completely understand why you feel weird about it - I would too - but it's not weird and, rather, is a sign he's just living a different life from the one you had together; one that is all about his DW and DC.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 17/12/2015 18:35

My favourite girls name was Meg (not really) and it was my name of choice if any of my 3 DSs had been girls.

My now ExH left me for an OW (bitch) whose name, you've guessed it, is Meg. Funnily enough it's no longer my favourite name and I'm so, so glad I had 3 DSs!

theimpossibledream · 17/12/2015 18:38

If we'd had a boy he would have had my ex bf's name.

It's a family name for both my family and DH's and we both happen to like it.

Nothing whatsoever to do with ex-bf, we would have been using it in spite of him not because of him.

CHJR · 17/12/2015 19:22

We have friends who named their DS after their cat. Well, they said they liked the name and had named the cat long before they started trying for kids.

My in-laws named their dog, acquired 6 months after my child, after the said child. TBF they did call and ask if it would upset me. Thought it was a bit weird but kind of flattering too...?

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/12/2015 19:42

Steve Irwin's daughter Bindi was named after his dog who was shot in an accident.

Hygge · 17/12/2015 19:55

Bit weird. But it has been ten years and you say you have a name in popular usage so perhaps not too strange.

I had a reasonable and not-messy break-up before I met DH, and really like my ex's name, but I wouldn't have used it unless it was really, really meaningful to us for other reasons, such as a family name.

I wouldn't have been keen to use the name of DH's ex, unless it was again a very meaningful name for other reasons.

As a PP said, if that was the case we might have used it in spite of an ex sharing the name, rather than because of it. Of course it would have had to really suit our baby as well.

I do know someone who's daughter's middle name is the same as her father's ex girlfriend, but it's also a family name, its a popular name, it suits her first name and surname, and they said they forgot all about the ex until a few weeks after they'd named their daughter anyway.

You should dig a bit though, just for us to make sure. It may be that his new partner has never heard your name. If you had a messy break-up then they might avoid talking about you. Nobody watches wedding videos, and your photo probably isn't up on the wall. It's a very tiny possibility that she doesn't know it's your name at all.

BackInTheRealWorld · 17/12/2015 19:58

I think you are reading faaaaar too much into it. I think he has probably moved so far on in his life the the fact one of his exes from years ago had that name matters not one jot to him.

laurierf · 17/12/2015 20:04

I've realised that my DH of some years probably doesn't know my ex's name! I was with my ex for 10 years, a sad and painful but not horrible break up - i.e. wasn't acrimonious and no cheating - but if anything related to that period of my life that involves my ex crops up (surprisingly rare actually) I refer to my ex as… "my ex"… not consciously and deliberately… just naturally.

I really don't think there's anything to dig for here - he's moved on so he's not bothered about his DD's name being the same as an ex, and his DW probably doesn't know he had an ex of that name or particularly care because it's clear his ex doesn't mean anything to him anymore.

Crabbitface · 17/12/2015 20:06

I have the same name as my Dad's ex-wife. She kept his second name so we have exactly the same name. BUT my Mum's sister also had this name and I am named after her.

ChefBell · 17/12/2015 20:09

It's weird.

SoWhite · 17/12/2015 20:28

Crabbit That is seriously weird. Didn't your mum mind?

SoWhite · 17/12/2015 20:29

Even if it was your sisters, the ex-wife-same-full-name thing would have put me off using the name.

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