To watch twinkly pale types loafing about in the woods?

[TalcAndTurnips]

I'm watching Twilight - New Moon

AIBU?

Shit the bed - them thar's big wolves

Stay indoors, Bellend. Listen to your father.

The first and last films are actually very good, the first especially. But New Moon and Eclipse are pretty dire. But you enjoy away!

I don't know what on earth is going on.

Nudey chaps in shorts keep turning into feck-off big wolefs. When they turn back into boys, their shorts are still there. What happens to the khaki cotton canvas during the transformation process?

Bellend fancies the youngest shirtless one who looks like an alpaca. But she can't give in to her lust over his quads and delts and his eight-pack (he has more than the standard six) because she really loves the sparkly one who looks half asleep. He's hanging around somewhere in the ether telling her to do stuff.

Now she has jumped off a cliff and wolf-boy has rescued her. I think she's going to cave in and do a bit of 'dogging'.

Please, keep on giving us live commentary, that's just beautiful!

Ofa - I'll try but I missed a bit when I went downstairs for a tortilla wrap.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. Lots of people in red cloaks. It might be Hogwarts, but a bit more Catholic.

BONGGG. Ooh look! It's the twinkly chap. He's taken off his shirt - unwise move as he looks as if he needs another hour or so at gas mark 4. Bell end is trying to stop him from doing something

Haven't seen you for ages T&T. I think Bell End needs to do her homework and think about University, And stop hanging about with pasty chaps.

Now I want to know more about both what he wants to do, and about the tortilla wrap. Tell us more!

Snogging appears to be against the law and they are trying to arrest Bellend.

Now there's a blond girl with what looks like a nasty bout of conjunctivitis.

Adverts. I need volumised hair with Filloxane. Bolloxane, more like.

Were you Auntie Tantrums in a previous life, Talc? You have a very familiar posting style!

Hello bearleft! I have been a very bad MNer lately. Too busy.

The tortilla wrap was just the wrap bit - not very exciting at all.

Ed wood and Bellend are now appearing in front of an entire bunch of pink eyed extras from Rivendell. Is that Elrond?

Thats Michael Sheen. Elrond is Hugo Weaving.

No Tam - I have only ever been me.

Why are they beating up Ed?

Elrond is in Alice Spring, cannot be him.

Elrond is in Alice Spring, cannot be him.

I couldn't even finish the first film it was so shite. I was even drunk when watching it and have a high tolerance for this sort of tripe - but no.

Everyone in it is just so fuckkng annoying.

What happened to those tourists? They were all screaming.

Zombie! Bloody marvellous to see you!

As a Zombie, where do you stand on the whole vampire/werewolf rivalry?

Well, T&T is taking one for the team and reviewing the movie so we do not have to watch it.

There's a fight brewing in the clearing. Wolfy muscle boy is squaring up to Ed because Bellend wants to vampire up. She's resisting wolfy's steroid charms, no matter how much he flexes his queltoids.

FIGGGHHHHT!

Ah no. Just a scuffle.

Bellends mad, it would be wolfie for me every time. He is literally as fit as a butchers dog. But I have to go to bed now, night night.

bloody hell, even your inspired commentary can't rescue this series from being the biggest pile of tripe ever produced.

To think that I enjoyed the books for a whole minute before coming to my senses and seeing them for the creepy creep fest they were, the shame.

As a Zombie, where do you stand on the whole vampire/werewolf rivalry?

Zombie thinks both are merely Wannabe Zombies.

It's over. There are more films to come, according to voiceover.

I can barely contain my throbbing excitement.

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