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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my brother ought to ask if he can bring his canine clingon to stay with us over Christmas?

30 replies

EasyToEatTiger · 16/12/2015 09:57

I live in a multi-dog, multi-poultry household which at the best of times can be fairly chaotic. I know this dog from previous experience, comes into the house and pees and poos as a welcoming gesture. I also don't know how the dog behaves around poultry. They have been before and there was a dead chicken when they left. I don't know if this was because of the dog, but we have not found dead chickens in the garden as a result of our lot, but it is entirely possible.
My experience of other people saying it's ok to bring our dogs into their homes when there are lots of other dogs present is not good, and although we do look after friends animals from time to time, I know there will be a lot more pee and poo to clear up in the house, and frankly it can become a bit tiresome.

I am not a happy bunny and my brother does not think like most people, so having a sensible conversation is not possible.

OP posts:

goodnightdarthvader1 · 16/12/2015 09:58

So what do you want us to say? You won't have a conversation with him. Maybe stand at the front door with a shotgun?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 16/12/2015 10:00

Shouldn't your brother be cleaning up his own dogs wee and poo?

DoreenLethal · 16/12/2015 10:01

I can wave my magic wand if you like.

Or just tell him that he can't bring the dog.

centurylooser · 16/12/2015 10:03

No way in holy hell would anyone bring an unhousetrained dog into my house (unless it was a puppy)

Original poster

EasyToEatTiger · 16/12/2015 10:14

???? I won't have a conversation with him????. He could make boiling a kettle as complicated and confusing that it could ever be, starting with, which hand should I use and how does it work?

For decades he has teetered on the edge of a nervous breakdown, diagnosed himself off the internet and decided be defined by his symptoms. The dog for him is like a comfort blanket.

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 16/12/2015 10:31

Are you just here to moan or do you want actual advice?

If the latter, then don't make it a conversation; just tell him 'You cannot bring the dog.' End of. Repeat if necessary. If he persists, tell him if he brings the dog you will not let either of them in the house.

Mordirig · 16/12/2015 10:32

Stop babying him, he's a grown up fgs, if he can't clean up after his own dog tell him not to come!
You are not responsible for him and how he decides to act, he is, and using MH issues as some sort of way to have his cake and eat it is not on.
Being depressed doesn't stop you from cleaning up dog shite, being a lazy and entitled arse does.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 16/12/2015 10:35

???? I won't have a conversation with him????

???????????????????????????????
That's what you said!
????????????????????????????
?????
?????
?????

If it's a vent, fine, but you're dressing this up as an AIBU. You won't even try to talk to him, so what advice are you actually hoping for?

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 16/12/2015 10:40

OP didn't say she won't have a conversation with him, she said she cant have a sensible conversation with him as he isn't like other people.

Big difference.

Either tell him no or read him the riot act that he's responsibile for putting the dog out frequently, that he needs to accompany it outside to make sure it doesn't get the chickens and he needs to clean up accidents. And yes, he should have asked.

eternalopt · 16/12/2015 10:41

For decades he has teetered on the edge of a nervous breakdown... The dog for him is like a comfort blanket.
**
And you want him to leave the dog at home? Nice!!

How long will he be with you? What do you expect him to do with the dog whilst he is with you? Just tell him to clean up after it and maybe be a bit more sympathetic?

TracyBarlow · 16/12/2015 10:42

Well don't have a conversation with him then. When the dog arrives just stand in the doorway, food your arms and don't let it past, yes?

DoreenLethal · 16/12/2015 10:55

Why not ask 'what are you doing to do about Fido whilst you are here?'

WeThreeMythicalKings · 16/12/2015 10:55

Just say no. If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to come.

fidel1ne · 16/12/2015 11:13

OP didn't say she wouldn't have a conversation with him, she said sensible conversation was impossible.

I think that makes it more important to just say a clear 'No, he won't mix well with other animals' and repeat OP.

CaptainKit · 16/12/2015 11:52

From the sounds of things you would be well within your rights to say to him that the dog cannot come round. However he would then be well within his rights to say he wouldn't come. (Which actually sounds like it could be the best result all round in this case.)

In the past I have had anxiety issues, and have found situations a lot easier when I had my dog with me. But that doesn't negate the fact that an unhousetrained dog should not be left to mess inside someone else's house; should be taken outside often, and always supervised, especially if there are prey animals in the garden.

Ultimately you have to step up - it's your house, and your chickens, so it's your responsibility to make your brother talk to you, or at least to make him listen to you. If that means laying down an ultimatum that he can't come unless he makes the effort to keep his dog's behaviour acceptable, then that might be what you have to do.

FWIW I think 'canine clingon' is a very nasty thing to say, especially when you go on to say your brother's 'on the edge of a nervous breakdown'. You don't sound very sympathetic, and your brother sounds quite thoughtless.

BabyGanoush · 16/12/2015 12:00

Say you are happy to have him and the dog, delighted even.

Also ask him to clean up after his won dog (provide him with wipes, plastic bags etc. upon his arrival, just in case of an accident)

Then drink lots of prosecco and adopt a "fuck it" approach to Christmas and just let it all go to pot, in a nice way

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/12/2015 12:14

Just tell him he can't bring the dog unless he cleans up after it. Christmas or not, I wouldn't have anyone bringing an untrained dog into my home and then expecting me to clear up after it!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 16/12/2015 12:20

I wouldn't let any dog into my house who wasn't house trained full stop. With the possible exception of an elderly or unwell dog who was liable to getting caught short.

But yes, to answer your question, of course he should ask not just presume it's OK to bring him! How long is your brother due to stay with you?

rollonthesummer · 16/12/2015 12:20

Have you invited him? If so-ehen you invited him, did you ask, 'will you be bringing the dog?' It not-why not? If you haven't, ring and ask him now. If he says yes, tell him you'd rather he didn't. This situation can be solved with a conversation.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/12/2015 12:23

Don't ask, just make statements that he needs to comply with.

Dear Bro

I understand that you are planning to bring Fido with you to ours at Christmas. I've discussed this with DH and we are ok with it, however you need to ensure that he is managed appropriately otherwise I am sorry but we will have to confine him to a crate/barn/utility room or ask you to leave if that's not acceptable. We can't have any more dead poultry.

Just to make you aware, we plan to confine the poultry to the chicken run / field A while you and Fido are here but Fido will still need to be watched to ensure that he doesn't chase them or gain access to the field. I need you to ensure that you promptly clean up any dog mess made by Fido as I know he can get excited and incontinent as a result. Please bring some antiseptic wet wipes with you.

Fido will need to sleep in a crate while he is here. Please let me know if you need me to provide one.

Looking forward to seeing you, blah, blah

juneau · 16/12/2015 12:36

Tell him he's welcome, but his dog is not. End of story. It sounds like you have quite enough to cope with, without his dog. Just tell him. You don't need to 'have a conversation about it'. Even better, delegate someone else to tell him

UsedtobeFeckless · 16/12/2015 12:49

Unhelpful pedantic nerd alert ... Um, sorry - I think it's Klingon, actually ( Flees ... )

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/12/2015 14:27

Maybe the dog looks like this, hence the reference

To think my brother ought to ask if he can bring his canine clingon to stay with us over Christmas?

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 16/12/2015 14:37

My dog has clingons sometimes. It's because she's got long fur round her bumhole!

GingirlBells · 16/12/2015 14:50

WhoTheFuckIsSimon

Op, I think you have some good advice here. You either have to tell him the dog can't come or lay down strict ground rules.
Fwiw, we have a newish dog and DH is staying home with her whilst I take the DC to see my family. You have to accept as a dog owner that not everyone is as in love with your smelly mutt as you are. plus ours is still a bit iffy with her toilet training

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