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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are school out of order or am IBU?

116 replies

ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 19:14

School are having a non uniform day tomorrow to raise funds for children in the borough in poverty to have Christmas gifts. Great cause.

However the year head has said today than any child who comes in their own clothes but doesn't bring a donation will spend the day in isolation.

So if you are too poor to afford the donation you have to come in uniform so everybody knows your too poor, give money you cannot afford so your kids aren't embarrassed (some people have multiple children in school) or spend the day in isolation because you are too poor to pay the donation to another child in poverty?

I can pay the donation personally but I am feeling rather angry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 19:17

*you're

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 15/12/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pringlesandwine · 15/12/2015 19:19

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

cariadlet · 15/12/2015 19:22

That's terrible. When we have charity non-uniform days I have a pot for children to put their donations in. I wouldn't dream of checking who has or hasn't donated.

SevenSeconds · 15/12/2015 19:23

Is there a set level of donation? Or can you bring in anything, even 5p or similar?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/12/2015 19:24

The school is bang out of line. They're not actually allowed to penalise children for their parents hard ship. Which is what they're planning on doing. How much is the donation. Even if its 20p, That could still be the difference to wether or not a loaf of bread is put on the table. The school could find a lot of children are absent tomorrow, as tgey know tgey haven't got the donation and they don't want their child singled out as a result. Which incidentally exclusion is also against ofsted policies.

These teachers HT really don't live in the real world.

DeltaZeta · 15/12/2015 19:24

No that's terrible. I would send a strongly worded letter to the Head.

Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 19:25

No its a set donation. Not a massive amount. Only a couple of quid but still...

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 15/12/2015 19:25

Bloody hell - are they allowed to do that?? Shock

HairySubject · 15/12/2015 19:25

That's totally unreasonable of the school. What if people can't afford it. Surely that goes against all of their inclusion policies.

Osolea · 15/12/2015 19:26

This teacher is very much in the wrong.

I'm strongly against any type of charity fundraising that targets school children and effectively blackmails families into participating, however worthy the cause, but this seems so extreme that it would be worth double checking the facts.

Is this a secondary school? Could there have been a misunderstanding somewhere along the line? I'd check, and if what you say is accurate, then follow the complaints procedure.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/12/2015 19:26

Me, too Delta

Sirzy · 15/12/2015 19:26

There was uproar when a school locally said the same for children in need. When the media picked it up they soon back tracked! They were insisting on a £2 donation per child too!

aprilanne · 15/12/2015 19:26

you are not being un .our local primary used to do this all the time bring money for this and that .the one that got me most was you had to bring something for xmas party say cake /biscuit .if you did,nt the child could,nt have anything of the party table .i complained that this was discrimination against some poor kids they said no thats how it was end of story ..while it was no bother to me to buy cake i was so angry i reported them to my local authority and sent the school a copy of said letter .well after a while i gets a letter promising this will not happen again .you are right to be angry

mcdog · 15/12/2015 19:29

That is bloody shocking :(

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/12/2015 19:37

Only a couple of quid. There's no only when it comes to a families finances. Yes it might not be a lot but it most certainly ain't a little either especially for those families on the bones of their arses

OhYeahMama · 15/12/2015 19:38

Raising money for children in poverty while shaming those at the school in poverty? Angry Shock

Verbena37 · 15/12/2015 19:39

That is totally excluding some families and isn't allowed.
A donation is voluntary and yes, they could and have said the kids can't come in their own clothes without paying but actually, that's then excluding the child.

Narp · 15/12/2015 19:40

Nooooo. That's poor behaviour

WickedWax · 15/12/2015 19:41

Pretty sure the school aren't allowed to do this.

Iggi999 · 15/12/2015 19:41

Idle threat?
"Here Miss, what happens if I come in in my own clothes and don't give a donation?"
"Well then you'll spend the day in isolation young Boris", etc.

BertrandRussell · 15/12/2015 19:41

Absolutely unacceptable. Complain. Loudly.

hefzi · 15/12/2015 19:42

Surely that's not allowed Shock? A couple of quid can be a huge deal, and imagine if families have more than one child at the school? This is a really exclusionary practice - YANBU at all!

Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 19:43

I know Iliveinalighthouse.
We have been that family in the past and are not far from it now.
I have asked the kids to tell me word for word and made it clear that I will be reporting to school and they are insisting that I what was said.

OP posts:
GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 15/12/2015 19:43

I'm sure they aren't allowed to do this. It totally undermines what they are raising money for. I would complain to governors tbh. Total disgrace.

Ours do about 4 donation Events a year but they just have a pot on the door. They raise an average of £1ish per kid but I know some put pennies in and some more. It all evens out.