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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are school out of order or am IBU?

116 replies

ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 19:14

School are having a non uniform day tomorrow to raise funds for children in the borough in poverty to have Christmas gifts. Great cause.

However the year head has said today than any child who comes in their own clothes but doesn't bring a donation will spend the day in isolation.

So if you are too poor to afford the donation you have to come in uniform so everybody knows your too poor, give money you cannot afford so your kids aren't embarrassed (some people have multiple children in school) or spend the day in isolation because you are too poor to pay the donation to another child in poverty?

I can pay the donation personally but I am feeling rather angry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 20:08

Isolation at my kids school is a room with cubicles were they spend all day including lunch and break and aren't allowed to talk other than ask for help.

I've already had run ins with the person in question over another threat relating to the removal of a certain sen aid type from ALL children as a result of misuse by one child.

OP posts:
Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel · 15/12/2015 20:12

That's awful. I work in a school and have had students in the past turn up in uniform because they couldn't afford the £1, or their parents simply wouldn't give it to them. Never failed to break my heart so I learned to take them to one side a day or two beforehand and explain that I would sort the donation out and they were to wear what they wanted to.

We once had a strict 'Christmas' dress up too - I stocked up on tinsel and decorations and we blinged up plain t-shirts a day or two in advance for them so they didn't have to worry about not having a Christmas jumper to wear.

I'd hope the hardline is just to encourage those who can afford to pay to actually bring their donation in, and the threat won't be carried out.

Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 20:18

I hope it won't be carried out too.
They are also meant to have Christmas jumpers.
The problem is some kids mine included having heard this wouldn't dare to go in in own clothes tomorrow if I didn't have the money because they would be bothered about the isolation room.

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 20:19

And thank god for great staff like you Bing.

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 15/12/2015 20:23

I'd hope the hardline is just to encourage those who can afford to pay to actually bring their donation in, and the threat won't be carried out

Agree but even the threat is being unnecessarily cruel to poorer children who will be worrying about being punished.

SirChenjin · 15/12/2015 20:27

I would call the charity and tell them what the school is planning to do to kids whose parents are unable to afford the 'donation'. How ironic it is, given the purpose of the charity - I'm sure they would be horrified.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/12/2015 20:29

I'm with Sirchenjin.

Fairyliz · 15/12/2015 20:31

Hahahaha. Get off your high horse and speak to the school. This sounds like an ill advised joke to me. Someone in assembly saying 'don't forget your donations or you'll be in isolation'.

Its the sort of thing my old Head used to say.

PurpleGreenAvocado · 15/12/2015 20:33

That's awful. I'd be writing to the head and to the chair of governors to express my displeasure in no uncertain terms.

mummymeister · 15/12/2015 20:35

it actually doesn't matter whether the donation is 5p or £5. the principle at stake here is that this is a voluntary donation. it isn't compulsory and the school should not be discriminating. I would be absolutely livid about this and kick up the most almighty stink. in to see the head and ask to hear it from the horses mouth. I know you said that your children are very reliable in terms of heresay but you need it confirmed as a fact.

if it is then I would be writing to the governors and the LEA. the most outrageous thing I have heard of schools trying to do in a long time. You have to speak out to them all OP otherwise this because an established thing. it is grossly unfair to kids and their parents singling out the "you cant afford it" group. why am I so fecking livid??? I went to a posh grammar school and came from a single parent family when it was a rare thing. we really had no money. they did this to me. sent me to the spare uniform cupboard to change out of my ordinary clothes into some old uniform left after PE and made me stay in it all day. 40 years on and I still remember how shit I felt not just then but ever after as I could never afford what was known as mufti money.

Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 20:35

I will be speaking to the school tomorrow Fairy. FWIW my children aren't going on the house point treat trip out this week because i cannot afford I so I am not on my high horse about anything.

OP posts:
SummerNights1986 · 15/12/2015 20:39

It's not just poverty stricken families that could be affected either.

I do pretty well at remembering the important stuff but dh and I work full time, 2 kids and all the rest and i'm by no means perfect. There have been a couple of times over the years where I've forgotten to give the dc their fruit money or the 50p school have asked for for a cake sale or something.

If I genuinely forgot to give my dc the £2 that morning I would be fucking bouncing to find that they'd spent the day in isolation. I'm pretty sure they're not allowed to do that.

CasualJersey · 15/12/2015 20:39

Is this written in a letter parents?
Is this te word of a child?
Howany other threads have we seen where the advice is ASK THE SCHOOL!
No HOY in their right mind would make this statement and mean it!
I agree with Fairy it may wel have been a throw away comment.
Not funny but likely!
Call the school and check because surely they would see the irony in their actions!

Original poster
ontheedgeofnewdawn · 15/12/2015 20:43

I've said I am going to ask the school tomorrow.

OP posts:
WandaFuca · 15/12/2015 20:54

Schools are very well aware of the numbers of children receiving free school meals as that's published online, so should be very well aware that some families have very limited income.

Even if it was a throw-away remark or joke, it shouldn't have been said.

SirChenjin · 15/12/2015 21:05

If a Head thinks it's 'a joke' to make such threats then he/she is overdue for some upskilling in that area.

Ackvavit · 15/12/2015 21:11

God no you are totally right. Not terribly altruistic of school to use the event to market themselves as fundraisers and get (which they will) publicity from it but punishing their own students. Surely any amount of donation from the school is a bonus. Some kids don't come in on own clothes day because they get mocked for their clothes. The fact they can't afford the fee to be laughed at and then face a sanction is just wrong. Grrrr...at this weird world. Fingers crossed it goes ok. Xx

Dipankrispaneven · 15/12/2015 21:13

If the school confirms that this was said, I would suggest that you immediately request contact details for the Chair of Governors and let him or her know. If it's a local authority school, also contact them as a matter of urgency; if it's an academy or free school, contact whoever is in charge on their board of trustees or the company that owns them.

I must say, if my child were in this position I would be telling the school that if the choice is between wearing uniform or going into isolation I would be keeping him out of school.

Ackvavit · 15/12/2015 21:15

Also, why do they need the money tomorrow? Surely if it comes in eventually everyone gets to wear their own clothes and maybe drop 20p into a form donation pot over the next few months? We are meant to be caring about wellbeing of our young people - non uniform day is not kind. What about forms pledging to do good things over the next year?

possiblefutures · 15/12/2015 21:19

If this was our school and as you say, I was sure what my child said was accurate, I would be on the phone to / anonymously emailing Ofsted and the LA to complain tomorrow morning / right now.

Topseyt · 15/12/2015 21:24

I would clarify it with the school first to check there has been no miscommunication.

If it is indeed what has been said, I would ask what they expect families who truly cannot afford it to actually do?

Think about children who are on free school meals. There are systems in place to protect them by not setting them apart from the others. It should be the same here. If not, why not?

hedwig2001 · 15/12/2015 21:26

Op, did you get her to back down, when she wanted to ban Tangles?

Topseyt · 15/12/2015 21:32

I'd also agree with those suggesting it could have been a throwaway remark.

That is actually quite a likely scenario.

Unfunny though, and ill-judged.

QueenArseClangers · 15/12/2015 21:34

Was this the teacher that wanted all kids with fidget toys to keep them in their pocket?

Brioche201 · 15/12/2015 21:35

He is talking hot air and he knows it! No child is allowed to be excluded from an activity ion school hours because of their parents unwillingness to pay