..to NOT apologise for Child Maintenance double standards?

[VaticanAssassin]

DH and i are friends with a couple, and have been for a long time. Now we've fallen out.
Both have children from former rships- he pays child maintenance to his XW for their child, she receives C.M from her XP for her DC she had with him.
On separate occasions in the past, including this year, she has openly called out her XP to friends and publicly via Facebook for being late or absent with his CM payments, saying how out of order he is to not put his children over his girlfriend and his social life, they came before she did, and his unreliability only lets them all down (i totally agree with that btw).

Anyway, we've had a bloody fallout because I couldn't keep my bloody mouth shut, and would like to know if people think I actually do need to back down or not.
They came to see us Sunday for a drink at ours, and she brought up her DH's X.
"She's not happy with us at all. Because of Christmas and everything going on, we've had to text her and say we can't pay DS's money until January".

In my defence, at first I did try to be nice, and say how hard that would hit anyone a week before Christmas- can't they at least find half of it and then the other next week? She just said "Well no, and quite a bit of the money actually went on presents for DS, so technically he'll getting the money this month anyway"

I had to ask because I'm a twat probably "So why is your Ex an unreliable bastard if he misses a month to you and your two, but John* does it to his Ex and son then that's fine? It doesn't make sense"

She didn't answer, the conversation went a bit awkward, then her DH made excuses about work in morning and they left.

My DH has received a msg yesterday night, from him saying I was "absolutely out of order" and "She's really upset DW, we thought she'd have apologised for that by now".

I haven't replied yet- I still don't think it was bad to call them out on double standards, or was I? Friends should be able to tell each other if they think you've taken total leave of your senses shouldn't they?

Or am I just too stubborn?

I'm prepared to be told if I'm wrong, or should have just shut up

I reallyfind it unreasonable to say that it is not that bad as the children will get it in kind (gifts)

Don't you think that the mum has also gifts to buy? I really don't know what is the situation with the exW, but I'm sure DS maintenance doesn't get spent in treats. When exh stops paying or us delayed, we need to decide between paying the mortgage or filling the fridge. My salary doesn't cover all the household expenses, I'm afraid.

Very good point miss mayhem

Tiger I don't think anyone on this thread has said that - if that's what you mean?

CM for DH's two kids is put on one side before everything else. I look after our finances and am a mum myself, I wouldn't put another mother in that situation for anything, even a household emergency. To slate her ex for doing the exact same thing is the worst kind of hypocrisy and it's tough shit if your 'friend' doesn't like being called out on it.

I'm firm believer that maintence should be paid on time regardless of the type of year. The payment goes towards the upkeep food electricity warm, school meals and other expensives. Go on you for calling her out on her double standards. I see nothing wrong with what you said. Shes annoyed because you spoke the truth rather than pander to her own ego.

YANBU at all.

Stealth - no the OPs friend said that, which is what Tiger was replying too.

Yes probably. It was the "don't you think" comment that made it sound like it was aimed at someone on the thread

My guess is OP hadn't heard from the friends - anger and embarrassment maybe?

She is very inconsistent or rather her husband who isn't paying his ex is. That money may be needed to heat the house in priority to Christmas presents.