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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to open all my presents early because I HATE surprises

40 replies

Pantone363 · 14/12/2015 14:03

Disclaimer: I already did Blush

I hate surprises and find open presents in front of people excruciating. It's been the same since I was a kid. I do my upmost to stalk/hunt down and find any presents before Xmas day. I feel much better once I know what's in them.

DP is wise to it and now only buys with cash, uses FILs email for online orders and finds ridiculous hiding places.

I think that he knows I hate surprises so surely insisting on carrying on with this charade is more about him as the giver than me as the receiver.

AIBU?

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 14/12/2015 14:08

YANBU. You are just you.

Have you talked to him? Do you like Christmas presents in general, or would you rather not get any?
Would a shopping tour where you get to choose things be more to your liking? Or is others choosing for you okay as long as you get to know what it is beforehand?

If your husband loves you as you are, the two of you should be able to work something out that makes both of you happy.

MojitoMollie · 14/12/2015 14:10

but christmas is as much about the giver as the receiver

Personally, i think its a bit childish and all-about-me-me-me to insist on not having a surprise (but that is REALLY harsh on you, sorry) and seeing what is there early

I think you have to give DH etc a christmas list and that way you wont get too many surprises

VestalVirgin · 14/12/2015 14:10

Whoops, DP not DH. Sorry.

What about he putting the presents under the tree on the Christmas Eve and you getting to open them the next morning while he's still asleep? Would that work for you?

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 14/12/2015 14:12

Most gift giving is about the giver, which would be fine, as long as they acknowledged it and made it clear that they don't actually care about your wants and desires, just their own selfish needs.

It's even worse of course as many of the selfish needs also include you being amazingly happy with your gift, so this time of year is so much spent watching crap acting.

Anyway YANBU for hunting them down, and neither is your DP for all the hiding - unless you've specifically asked him not to do it.

VestalVirgin · 14/12/2015 14:13

but christmas is as much about the giver as the receiver

Giving someone who hates surprises a surprise isn't really fun. Unless you're a sadist and enjoy other people's discomfort.

You want to watch someone open their presents to see the joyful surprise on their faces.
If there's only terror and discomfort, that is no fun for the giver. At least it shouldn't.

MojitoMollie · 14/12/2015 14:16

do you know why you get so upset about surprises? sometimes if you can work out the cause of a fear, it helps you work past it?

annandale · 14/12/2015 14:18

Since your dp clearly loves giving surprise gifts, I wonder if there is a middle way, rather than you having to turn detective.

It sounds as if you would have difficulty trusting him to stick to one of a choice of three options, but that could work if he really understands your feelings.

Otherwise, perhaps he could send you an email telling you what he's got you before Christmas? That way you get to open the email when you like but he gets to see you open the present. Would that be better?

MrsHathaway · 14/12/2015 14:24

He loves giving surprises.

You hate receiving surprises.

It would seem to me that next time (birthday, next Christmas) you should be allowed to provide a very specific list, from which he can choose, so there's still an element of surprise: "which is it?" without the enormous "what has he thought of?" which you might not like.

And meanwhile he can buy whatever the fuck surprises he likes for his mum/dad/colleague/friends.

Original poster
Pantone363 · 14/12/2015 14:24

I've always hated it since I was a kid. My DM says I refused to open my presents at my 5th birthday party Blush

My worst nightmare is those family Xmas where everyone sits around staring at the person opening their presents one by one.

Yes he knows and I do give him a list. TBH it's turned into a bit of a game now, the more he hides them the more I hunt them down. Don't get me wrong I'm not shaking, terrified of opening presents id just rather take them all upstairs and open them on my own!

OP posts:
princessconsuelabannahammock · 14/12/2015 14:25

I hate surprises and usually find out before xmas what i am getting. My husband is very trusting and i am very sneaky!
My husband knows i hate surprises and still tries although it irritates me, i wouldnt do something to him that i knew he didnt like.

Part of the reason is i have high expectations and my imagination is usually better than the actual surprise (god i sound like a bitch, not really though).

Our family provide a list and i love that, it means no useless tat (not making myself sound any better am i?)

Last year i sent my hubby a link to a stunning necklace and well within budget, he couldnt just get me the one i wanted but used that idea as a jumping off point - sigh. I do wear it to keep him happy but still hanker for the one i actually wanted (maybe i am just a bitch!)

I know already what two of my three presents are and know the location of the 3rd, just havent looked yet but probably will. I am good at faking surprise.

VestalVirgin · 14/12/2015 14:30

Don't get me wrong I'm not shaking, terrified of opening presents id just rather take them all upstairs and open them on my own!

So ... any reason why you can't do that?
After all, you could just go downstairs and say "Thank you" and celebrate Christmas afterwards, could you?

Unless you enjoy the game ...

I don't like that sort of game - it reminds me of the person who wrote her husband got her brother in law to buy her a Justin Bieber CD, even though she wanted something else and is not interested in Bieber. People suggested that she give him a crappy present back, and some might enjoy that sort of thing ... but I would consider it too stressful.

I'd rather people are a bit considerate. The home should not be a war zone.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 14/12/2015 14:31

princessconsuelabannahammock you're not a bitch for wearing the necklace, you're just a fool, for accepting and for faking surprise. It's your Husband, just tell them truth!

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 14/12/2015 14:34

Just ask everyone not to buy you anything, or hand it back unopened if they do, they will soon stop buying.

MorrisZapp · 14/12/2015 14:37

Can we hear more about this hatred of surprises? I'm intrigued.

Also confused. I don't see how a present is more of a surprise if you found it in the wardrobe in November than if you opened it by the tree on Christmas day. Either way, you didn't know what it was.

hownottofuckup · 14/12/2015 14:40

Have you ever tried to get to the bottom of what you're problem is? I think that's what i'd focus on because it does sound silly. And oddly attention seeking despite that apparently being the very thing you're presumably trying to avoid.

hownottofuckup · 14/12/2015 14:42

Haha Morris makes a good point too

ghnocci · 14/12/2015 14:45

How bloody childish. If DH hunted down his presents because he didn't want to open them in front of me I'd do him a favour and not buy for him again.

Notso · 14/12/2015 14:48

I don't understand why it's not a surprise when you find it but is a surprise when you get it on Christmas Day.

Enjolrass · 14/12/2015 14:49

Why can't you open them on your own on Christmas morning?

WitchWay · 14/12/2015 14:49

I don't particularly like surprises either. DH tends to buy suggestions of mine so I half know what is coming in advance. I'm also remarkably good at guessing what is in parcels Xmas Grin

HeartShapedBox · 14/12/2015 14:52

I'm assuming because op finds them before they're wrapped?

HeartShapedBox · 14/12/2015 14:54

Unless you mean why isn't it stressful finding the surprise? In which case it's probably because she doesn't have an audience.

ghnocci · 14/12/2015 14:54

In that case maybe Her DH should just hand them over unwrapped. So as not to startle her with the surprise?

MojitoMollie · 14/12/2015 14:54

if everyone opens presents at the same time would that help?

princessconsuelabannahammock · 14/12/2015 14:56

Fred - the he gets such delight in giving me presents and he thinks he has done a great job, telling him i didnt like it would be like kicking a puppy.

One yr my husband bought me a beautiful swarovski (sp) crystal necklace, it was £100 - very expensive for us. It was lovely but looked to my common eye like something sparkly you would pick up in Next for a xmas party.

I am a sahm and live in jeans, where was i going to wear it, tescos? I took it back and bought a lovely set of everyday jewellery - skagen, much more me and i feel fab wearing it. I bought earrings, bracelet and necklace - i usually wear one of these everyday. My hubby was offended, so now i just suck it and try and guide him better. We have a loving and happy marriage and communicate well, he just doesnt get it.

This year he has bought me a nail varnish set, i paint my toe nails in one of two colours maybe in the summer and for parties. I have bitten nails and am not really a groomed type person (god i sound like a catch!). I will be suitably grateful on the big day however!

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