AIBU to open all my presents early because I HATE surprises

[Pantone363]

Disclaimer: I already did

I hate surprises and find open presents in front of people excruciating. It's been the same since I was a kid. I do my upmost to stalk/hunt down and find any presents before Xmas day. I feel much better once I know what's in them.

DP is wise to it and now only buys with cash, uses FILs email for online orders and finds ridiculous hiding places.

I think that he knows I hate surprises so surely insisting on carrying on with this charade is more about him as the giver than me as the receiver.

AIBU?

But surely its still a surprise regardless of when you open it?

This is an odd one! Must be a deep rooted childhood fear? Dos something bad/awkward happen? Were you disappointed in front of people or made to feel embarrassed? I would suggest this isn't an 'ordinary' fear but rather unusual? Are you normally a confident, self assured person or extremely shy/awkward? I think yabu but you probably can't help it and need to try and work out why! Either that or have a good honest chat with DP. He at least should want to understand you

Yes it's still a surprise but I don't feel the weight of expectation IYSWIM. I feel like I have to act accordingly to not disappoint the giver. That's the best way I can describe it

It's not attention seeking at all, I'm actively trying to avoid attention!

Taking them upstairs just feels rude

How does taking them upstairs feel rude, but hunting round the house not feel rude?

It's about compromise. So, as op suggested, give him a list of things you would be happy with and let him pick from there.

He gets to choose something, but you have a good idea of what it is.

Or what about if he just gives you money and you go buy your own stuff?

There has to be a way to meet in the middle.

But in actively trying to avoid attention you attract far more attention, surely. If you just got on with it, faked a response (which might become habit and might therefore become genuine) then no-one would notice.

Oh I know how you feel OP, I hate opening presents in front of people. I get really anxious and sweaty at the thought of it. My dad is the same, he likes to squirrel his away upstairs and open them in private in his own time.

I think the point of giving a gift is to give pleasure to the person receiving it, so it shouldn't matter if they open it in front of you or not. My best friend feels same way so we exchange presents before Xmas and take them home to put under our trees. We text to say thanks later. On Xmas day it's just DH, me and baby so no pressure. I've told DH not to get me anything this year partly because I don't need anything and can't think of anything I want, partly because I hate opening surprises. He gets me random gifts during the year and has learnt not to wrap them or make a song and dance, he just hands them to me or leaves them for me to find.

Tell your DH how you feel. Ask him to leave your presents somewhere you can open them in private. Gifts shouldn't be a stressful experience!

I hate opening presents in front of people and doing that fake over joyous look (which I'm not good at). I think mine goes back to being promised X and opening it to find Y on the day whilst being expected to be over the moon about it.

But in actively trying to avoid attention you attract far more attention, surely

This is a really good point.

I find Christmas uncomfortable. I'm not used to getting gifts and I never know if I'm doing it right..
I do it anyway. Sometimes frustratingly slowly and holding onto each one for a while first. I do it, though, because it feels polite and if someone has gone to the trouble of buying me something, I will go to the trouble of opening it.

I hope it gets easier with time.

Gold and Chatty, that's exactly it!

I can relate to the "fake joyous" activity of family present exchanges. That's exactly how it felt in my family growing up. And still does, with them.
I have a pretty problematic family of origin though.
It's a lot easier with people I actually get on with, without the simulation of happy families.
But really I would prefer it if we all just stopped swapping presents.

Yabu. I don't like opening presents in front of others but suck it up. Hunting them down seems a bit extreme

I hate opening presents in front of people. Even if I genuinely like the present I still feel weird when I'm saying thank you, and feel like the giver thinks that I am acting that I like it, even though I do....and if I don't, I still pretend I do, but feel so awkward!

Luckily, I don't get presents from a lot of people, about 2 or 3. Dh is usually a good present buyer but he usually asks me what I want, or we go shopping together. And if I don't like I just ask him if I can swap it, he's not bothered.
It's the same the other way round, he tells me if he's not keen and will take it back/swap.

But really I would prefer it if we all just stopped swapping presents#

Agree, especially for adults - like,
it doesn't make sense to exchange gifts of about the same value. And vouchers, more logical to just keep your cash and spend it on what you want and from where. Vouchers can cost you, the worst scenario is when the voucher doesn't cover the price of anything in the store, which leaves you in the position of deciding whether to sell it, regift it, dump it, or spend your own money to make up the difference and get something- from a shop that you would otherwise have had no desire to patron...

Yes, I hate surprises like this too.

Your mistake, OP, is telling people about it - what I do is let people put them under the tree, feign a complete lack of interest, and then unpick the sellotape and have a peek when no-one is around.

I think my problem is that I'm no good at lying in a hurry so I will say "Ooh, a foot spa, like the three I already have, how nice!" if put on the spot. Whereas with pre-knowledge I can say something about how much my hard foot skin will appreciate it or something.