Partner has left country for 10 days in week 38-39 of my pregnancy

[Gen3228]

I feel like there is no way past this for us as couple. Haven't even publicised this to friends and family as am too tired/cowardly to face them all saying What???!!! Have just made another plan to get to and from hospital and have someone with me while kind of minimising why this might be needed.
He was being supportive and there for me but in last few weeks seems to have retreated a bit. But I've got used to turning to him and relying on him for help in this pregnancy and he's suddenly not there.
He has been ringing me every day but the last 2 days we have just argued- he thinks there is no way round him needing to go away for work, I think he has made a choice to put me and the baby after his work in his priorities and left me hanging when I really need him around.
He also has not got round to getting a car seat to take us home from hospital yet. My due date is mon 14th and he comes back on sat 12th eve. He is working on Sun 13th.
It's like he doesn't get that I need his help- or he has checked out of being involved with me and the baby in some way.
Wanted to check with other mums to be that they would feel like me if this happens? Or if I should delay my reaction to this a bit until after baby comes?
I feel I need to get my head round being a single parent at the moment.
I spent the first 1/2 of this week having false contractions and stressing and really hoping the baby will wait until he comes back, now these have stopped and I actually don't mind whether he is there or not as I have decided not to rely on him any longer.

They are the ones who their partner's have to answer to/support, and to be perfectly frank, they are the ones actually doing all the fucking work when it comes to having the baby. I mean, the bar is pretty fucking low. The partners involved pretty much just have tobe there, be sober, and not act like complete twats

this sums it up perfectly

only on MN would a person daring to want their husband wife or whatever around for the birth of a child be the one in the wrong

if dp hadn't been at the birth of dd2 I'd have been in serious trouble. I was left on a bed in a room on my own laid flat so I couldn't see Wtf was going on and dp was the only person who stood between my birth being actually attended and dd delivered safely and giving birth alone in a position where I was unable to move properly and see where she was.

it's actually not a big ask fir them to be there given they go straight back to work anyway. it's their baby not an amazon delivery that can be left at a neighnours and picked up days later

Febreze, that isn't the situation here. He has chosen to make the trip, and been pressurised by his cousin to do so, because they both believe that it will pay off financially, but not because there is any risk of losing something they already have.

There is a difference between not wanting to risk a loss and going after a gain.

OP, your partner has chosen to prioritise a possible substantial gain for his business over what you want from him. This attitude is probably what will make him a successful businessman. Someone who turns down money making opportunities to prioritise their nearest and dearest may make a reasonable living and have happy relationships but probably aren't quite driven enough to be really successful and wealthy.

What you need to think about is whether you can have a happy life allied to a successful, ambitious driven man who will always prioritise the business over you and the children or whether you would be happier with a less driven, successful man who would put you and the family first. If you decide to stick with him, you will need to have a life independent of him, with friends you can rely on and probably a career so that you don't lose all sense of your own identity and independence.

You not being married should concern you. If you give up work or reduce your hours to look after the children whilst he becomes wealthy, if you split up in the future, he can give you a pitiful amount of maintenance for the children and walk away with everything else.

Plus a man is naturally the hunter gatherer, as someone upthread said. It's physics.

Is that coz men can understand things like the speed and direction their hunting arrows fly in?

Febreze, that isn't the situation here. He has chosen to make the trip, and been pressurised by his cousin to do so, because they both believe that it will pay off financially, but not because there is any risk of losing something they already have.

But you don't know if he actually has any other work. This may be something that he needs to do.

Just come on here to say thanks for these responses. MrsTerryPratchett I like the idea of airlines vetoing expectant fathers flying like mothers ... Yeah I've had moments of having a wobble too about the birth and responsibility of caring for a little baby but as she is in my body growing and coming out somehow I have had to get over this!! But now I have the privilege of being so excited about her coming.
I went out this eve and confided in one of my closest friends who was very supportive. She's offered herself as plan c if mum can't get here in time as she lives quite far and is getting on a bit. Thanks for encouraging me to get my head out of the sand and sort out some extra support.
I'm parking the where do we go from here question until after the baby comes, but yeah rightly or wrongly it is a big thing for me for my partner to be there around the time of my baby's due date.

Yes Gen, but you haven't answered the important question of whether you have arranged a ladygarden maintenance appointment.

Plus a man is naturally the hunter gatherer, as someone upthread said. It's physics.

In the immortal words of Baymax; 'Oh deeeeeear'.

Ooh cross post.
Morganly thanks for the food for thought...
Me and bump are going to bed now but I feel a lot more cheery about things
Night

I really hope your dp makes it back in time, if its important to you, then its important to him by default.

Good luck and very best wishes to you all xxx

Before starting our own business up I would have thought he was selfish but I now understand the amount of time, commitment needed to get a buisness up and running. They might of needed that extra gain to pay for other expenses to build up cash flow to secure the future of the buisness.

My Dh is ex boss made him go back in work the day after I came out if hospital after having a c-section and a blood transfusion- I was fucked. He had to go in as we needed the money.

Hopefully he will be back in time op this doesn't mean he is a bad person he might just be securing your future.

Hah! Lady garden...I've decided that as I can't see it anymore it can't be that bad!
Going to do fun things this week like eat cake and watch judge rinder and hope the midwives won't mind a kind of slightly au naturel look
And now I am going to take me, bump and untidy lady parts to bed

Getting your pubes trimmed is a practical suggestion, not a cosmetic one.

If the shit hits the fan, there is nothing worse than having your pubes shaved off with a cheap bic razor any which way by a hurrying midwife before they do the crash section. Believe me, I've been there through the nasty stubbly regrowth through the scar. I wishes I haven't scoffed at someone's suggestion then.

Ask any man what they really think about being a dad, and they will more or less say being a good provider.
If you're self employed, any time you take off is unpaid.
Men I know don't go Gaga over babies, but usually love their little kids. Baby stage doesn't do it for them in the main.

You may find everything goes very well for you. And I really hope it does.

Make plans on how you're going to feed the baby, and that includes getting a breast pump if you plan on bfeding, and some formula and bottles too just in case.
Get some expert advice lined up, physio and lactation consultant, and get a cleaner in before you have your baby. Last thing you want to come home to is a house which isn't clean. Make some dinners now for freezing, and register with grocery delivery service.

Enjoy your cake, and your rest! And good luck.

My pubes were left well alone during my crash section a few months back. I'm not sure hair removal is standard any more in those circumstances?

FWIW the midwife went at my pubes with something that looked like a hedge trimmer before my crash section. god, the itching afterwards was unpleasant. I fully accept that I may be more, ahem, hirsute than some, but in all seriousness, I will be doing a full trim and tidy before dc2 arrives, just in case.

OP - DH runs his own business abroad. he's away a lot, including for 10 days when DD was 2 weeks old and I was recovering from the EMCS. if i'd said to him I didn't want him to go away before the birth, he wouldn't have done. you have every right to feel let down. hope it all goes ok.