Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that kids be left in the bath...

296 replies

Flashbangandgone · 06/12/2015 22:32

... While I go to another room upstairs from the age of 4?

OP posts:
NannyR · 09/12/2015 10:53

Bathing a toddler takes 10 mins tops - are you that busy that you can't spend that time in the bathroom with him?

Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 09/12/2015 11:25

If your child does go under, even for a second they could be at risk.

Even a second?! If this is the case, baths should be banned, all swimming pools closed, and paddling above ankle depth in the sea should be forbidden... It doesn't help when people overstate the risk so grossly...

OP posts:
KP86 · 09/12/2015 11:30

To be perfectly honest, I'm sorry I even posted here. Those who have replied to me are making judgements based on two (somewhat flippant) comments without knowing or having even met me or my child - you don't know his skills and capabilities (or not), general behaviour or anything about our home and family life. I do not believe he is in any great danger and if I thought that for a second I would act.

While I appreciate that most of what you say is probably coming from a place of caring, the attitude that comes across is less than helpful.

If anything were to ever happen, I'll come back and you can all kick me until your heart is content. Until then, I was only making a comment about what happens in my house (note that I have not made any comments about anyone else's parenting CHOICES) and not inviting your opinions.

Rinoachicken · 09/12/2015 11:40

He's 23months old and being left in the bath alone. There's nothing more we need to know. There are no excuses no mitigating factors that would ever make this ok and reasonable.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/12/2015 11:40

In reply to the OP: it depends on your child and your parental judgement about risk. At 5, I leave ds in the bath while I am upstairs with him for a couple of minutes at a time. I've done this for about a year. I do it because he talks, sings, shouts and role plays constantly so I'd know immediately if anything was wrong as he'd go quiet. Parents make judgements about risk all the time. My ds is more likely to fall and injure himself severely/ fatally by hanging upside down on a climbing frame or falling downstairs, but he does these things independently of me all the time. He full well knows the power and danger of water, as do I. The risk of him drowning, at his age (not so with toddlers), while I spend a minute next door to the bathroom, as we continue to chat constantly, is minimal.

BathtimeFunkster · 09/12/2015 11:44

Leaving a 19 month old toddler alone in a bath is the same kind of "parenting choice" as putting him on your knee in the car instead of in a car seat.

What you are doing is dangerous. If you told your HV or GP you were doing it, they would be concerned for your son's safety.

Toddlers drown in baths and paddling pools regularly because their parents don't understand (or refuse to acknowledge) the risks.

He's one and a half! He's a baby.

And he is alone in enough water to drown him.

Come on, seriously.

Nobody will kick you if your son drowns, but if he drowns in the bath because you refuse to acknowledge basic and obvious dangers, then it will be your fault.

Gruntfuttock · 09/12/2015 11:55

I just can't get my head around putting a 19 month old in the bath and leaving the room! At that age, you bath them and you sit there with them while they play with bath toys and you talk to them!

Notimefortossers · 09/12/2015 12:44

Sorry KP86. Whilst I think there's been some ridiculous scaremongering on this thread with reference to older children, I have to agree that 19 months is WAY too young to be left in the bath

Snossidge · 09/12/2015 15:35

While I think pottering near by and listening/checking with children aged 3.5-4 is fine, and I'd expect a child of 7+ to be able to bath alone, I am amazed that any adult would think leaving a 1 year old alone in the bath is ok?

Seriously, being unable to do really basic things like that to keep a baby safe is absolutely something social services would have to get involved in. The risk is far too high.

Firecarrier · 09/12/2015 15:50

I have read the entire thread but thought of something which has not been mentioned.

we have just been through the assessment process to become foster cares and bathing little ones was discussed but completely from a 'respecting their privacy' angle (Totally understandable)

The course leader pointed me out as an example to the group (she knows our youngest was just 4 at the time) and said words to the effect that obviously he could wash himself and didn't need to be helped and they then went on to stress that we should just potter about sorting laundry etc in other rooms and with younger ones keep the door slightly ajar.

I'm not sure what to think now, are there any other foster carers who have been told similar?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 09/12/2015 15:54

Sorry we don't need to know anything more about your child other than the fact he's not even two! We know the capabilities of a two year old.

Snossidge · 09/12/2015 16:16

4yo seems right for starting to wash themselves. Mine did at that age. Though I still help with hair washing because he's a drama queen about getting water in his eyes. Middle one is 3.7 and still needs help to wash properly and isn't allowed to stand up in the bath to wash himself or get in and out unless an adult is there.

Senpai · 09/12/2015 16:39

Even a second?! If this is the case, baths should be banned, all swimming pools closed, and paddling above ankle depth in the sea should be forbidden... It doesn't help when people overstate the risk so grossly...

Don't be stupid. You already know we're not talking about kids sticking their face in the water to blow bubbles and pulling their head back up. Hmm

We're talking about accidents. If they slip and fall underwater, there is a very good chance they will gasp in surprise and inhale water. From there they could simply panic and freeze instead of quickly getting up. So.. yes, a second could be dangerous because even if they cough the water out, you still have to keep an eye on them to make sure they got all the water out so they don't get pneumonia or other symptoms that show they could be delayed drowning.

DD has slipped on her butt before we got a better bath mat and gone under and came up coughing pretty violently. She was fine because I was there to pull her out. I was right at the edge of the tub playing with bath toys with her, it wasn't even a full second. My arms were shooting forward as she was falling under the water. If it had been longer than a second, even the few precious seconds it takes to run from the adjacent room, I would have had to take her to the hospital to make sure all the water was out of her lungs.

Never underestimate a child's stupidity. They will find ways to get hurt, even in the bathtub.

Snossidge · 09/12/2015 16:41

I don't think I have ever managed to go to the swimming pool or the sea without one or more children slipping and falling underwater for at least a second.

greatbigwho · 09/12/2015 16:44

My daughter is 2 and I potter whilst she's in the bath. She's super noisy and my pottering is generally just sorting dirty washing on the landing, fetching PJs etc. The second she stops making any noise or the noise changes, I'm in there within 5 seconds - often less, as the floor that the bathroom is on is tiny. We have a non slip mat and as she hates the feel of it on her feet she never stands up and she can't turn the taps on. I feel comfortable with my decision.

Crazypetlady · 09/12/2015 16:58

Leaving a 19 month old in a bath is inexcusable it isn't about different parenting styles. It is awful parenting.

Senpai · 09/12/2015 16:58

KP86 He's not even two. No more information is needed.

They say not to drink and drive. You can drive home drunk. You can drive home drunk hundreds of times. It only takes one time for catastrophic consequences.

Same with wearing seat belts.

Same with wearing a helmet.

You don't take precautions because you're paranoid. You take precautions because it prevents something serious.

Senpai · 09/12/2015 16:59

I don't think I have ever managed to go to the swimming pool or the sea without one or more children slipping and falling underwater for at least a second.

If they're in the big pool they're probably older than 4 or 5 and aren't in there alone... We're talking small children, not school aged ones.

Snossidge · 09/12/2015 17:04

Yes, small children - babies/toddlers. Their heads have often gone under the water at some point. Even at 3+ at doing swimming lessons there was the odd bit of head going under by surprise and coughing and spluttering.

Senpai · 09/12/2015 17:05

Yes, small children - babies/toddlers. Their heads have often gone under the water at some point. Even at 3+ at doing swimming lessons there was the odd bit of head going under by surprise and coughing and spluttering.

And would you say that those same children would be alright being left alone with no one to keep a close eye on them?

Snossidge · 09/12/2015 17:08

If a second is long enough to be deadly, then surely they should never, ever be around water at all, no swimming, no paddling in the sea let alone a bath. Ban it all.

Senpai · 09/12/2015 17:18

If a second is long enough to be deadly, then surely they should never, ever be around water at all, no swimming, no paddling in the sea let alone a bath. Ban it all.

Yes, and let's ban alcohol too because a few people die of alcohol poisoning.

Or you could stop with the hyperbole and look at the facts. Hmm

Delayed drowning is rare, but it happens. That's why it's important to watch your child and know they inhaled water so you know what signs to watch out for. It's important to be near by, because if you're more than a second away, you're enough seconds away to make it fatal. If those children you saw slip under didn't come right back up, you'd bet that an adult would be quickly whipping them up. That's the entire point.

A parent that is a second away is likely sitting on the toilet reading a book while their child plays. Any further and you've just added time to the clock with how long they've been under.

Arguing it doesn't take a second, still doesn't justify leaving your child unattended. It doesn't take a second, it takes a few, and if you're a room away, how many seconds does it take to get to them? That's right a few.

TracyBarlow · 09/12/2015 17:24

Are there any medics here who can tell us what to do if you find your child in the bath, not breathing, after having inhaled water? I think this would be hugely useful, just in case.

I do leave mine (5 & 3) in the bath whil I'm drying the baby. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do at the moment.

Gruntfuttock · 09/12/2015 17:27

Tracy can't you dry your baby in the same room?

PurpleDaisies · 09/12/2015 17:33

tracy anyone who's not breathing needs cpr regardless of the cause. Obviously 999.