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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that kids be left in the bath...

296 replies

Flashbangandgone · 06/12/2015 22:32

... While I go to another room upstairs from the age of 4?

OP posts:
Mrscog · 08/12/2015 19:05

I think everyone has areas with regards to DC safety where they are more unwilling to let go as others until later. For me it's not the bath, I've read through this whole thread, and whilst I will bear in mind some things I've learnt, I will still potter in and out the room here and there while my almost 4 year old baths. For me, I am unwilling to compromise on road safety, and my DC will rear face until 4. how many people who watch children in the bath until 6 rear faced them until 4? how many of you allowed them to wear snow suits or coats underneath the straps of the car seat? But for me, (based in my personal experiences these are the areas where I worry more.

Felloffmyunicorn, the vast majority of bath drownings are in the 2 and under age group. Someone published the list on another thread and there were very few 4 and 5 year olds - possibly 1 or 2. That suggests that accidents decrease massively after 3.

Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 08/12/2015 19:17

Regarding the several mentions of leaving children alone in the bath while you "pop out to get a towel". Isn't it predictable that a towel will be needed before they get in the bath?

True, but we're human... We can forget things... 5 seconds to pick up a towel for a school age child is a hardly a child protection issue.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 08/12/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Senpai · 08/12/2015 19:27

Regarding the several mentions of leaving children alone in the bath while you "pop out to get a towel". Isn't it predictable that a towel will be needed before they get in the bath?

Logically, yes. I still forget towels all the time. Not all baths are planned due to mud, poop apocalypse, or flour mishaps. Towels are easy to forget when you're focusing on the best way to contain the mess first.

I just drain the water and take her out of the tub before running to get it. She knows to stand still on the rug by this point, and the house is kept at a constant 71*F so she's not cold.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 08/12/2015 19:30

I have been thinking about how old, and I know elder niece was 11 and still wanted an adult in the bathroom with her, but saying that my younger niece is now 10 herself and although sometimes likes to leave the door wide open and have the dogs, her mum/grandma/dad/I wander in, a lot of the time we just check the tempture before she gets in and leave her, although we do listen to her sing to herself. And she does call for help washing hair. And I think she was maybe 8/9 when she started wanting to do it this way.

But the reason I thought about it was I thought maybe I've misunderstood what you mean by adjacent, and I don't know how your house is layed out, in which case although I think 4 is still too young, if your bathroom is just off the kitchen like thurlow or its an ensuite that your in with the door wide open then maybe actually 6/7. Especially in an ensuite to me that's the same room. By adjacent I was thinking you'd at least have to go through two doors and at least a short piece of hall/landing if the door the the bathroom is off the room you mean so only one door, a young six I'd still be weary but an older 6 perhaps not so much.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/12/2015 19:34

we left ds alone from age 3 but small house and talking to him and checking in on him every few mins. He had a seat thing so he couldnt stand up, and he liked to stay in the bath for hours. but mostly we just gave him showers. ds2 only has showers. i think drowing in bath is rare, somthing like only 3 deaths a year from drowning in a bath and about 24 cases of it need hospital treatment

Children in bath seats without direct supervision are less safe than those not in bath seats obviously I am assuming you mean a bath seat as in the piece of equipment that most people think about when the words bath seat are used so something the child sits in and either balances or suctions to the bath.
If they tip over they can actively prevent a small child righting themselves once under the water a 3yo can often freeze and not struggle or attempt to get out.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/12/2015 19:40

their 19 month old in the bath for 20 mins regularly I would seriously be considering calling social services or at the very least would raise a concern with the health visitor

When I was practising should this have been raised with a family I worked with it would be (and has been) something that would end up as a threshold point during a care order hearing and I would have been incredibly surprised if it didn't meet criteria.
I have even seen it fairly recently with a 3yo.
I have never seen it for a no additional needs over 6yo

Notimefortossers · 08/12/2015 19:43

So I suppose 6 is the age where it starts to become reasonable

The thing is not all children are the same. Some 4 year olds are more sensible than some 6 year olds. And as a responsible parent you know your own child and what they are and are not capable of and what you trust them with. My children would NEVER behave in the way some of you mention in the bath. I have trained them what to do and how to do it properly and I trust that they will do that. Bath bombs, slides, standing up and making waves etc does not happen. And if it did I would hear them and bollock them I'm with them for the majority of their bath, then I go into the next room to feed a baby a bottle and put him down whilst they get out, dry, dressed and brush their teeth. I've never had a single problem with them on a single night. The plug is also pulled before I leave the room. I actually feel more comfortable with them being together than alone, because I have no doubt that if something happened to one of them, the other would call me.

So in my opinion in order for any tragedy to occur in my situation, they would have to both stand up at the exact same time (which wouldn't happen, we decide who will be getting out first before I leave) accidentally collide heads very hard, knocking each other simultaneously unconscious, both fall onto their knees and face forward . . . seems highly unlikely.

Obviously water is dangerous, but so are a lot of things and there are definitely people on this thread going WAY overboard

MsJamieFraser · 08/12/2015 19:44

My baby niece (then) was left in the bath with her older sister, who turned in the hot water tap while dsis went to answer the phone, dsis went back in and baby niece was very quiet....

sis picked her daughter up and with that all her skin came away, she had been scalded and ended up needing skin grafts and lot of burns operations, next week she will be 8, and she needs a new operation as her middle 3 fingers keep webbing, and also had lots of medical problems now with mobility and skin conditions.

My two are under 10, and ds2 has also suffered a horrific burn accident... I still leave them in the bath unsupervised (however I do have a tap lock on the taps) because I cannot micro manage my children, ds1 is also at the age where he does not want me or his dad in watching him. he is also now watching showers now.

However they also know not to stand up in the bath. I am very OTT when it comes to my children's safety but baths over the age of 5, they have been left to wash themselves as ds2 gets really annoyed if I tried to help him, it was just their natural progression that we stopped supervising them in the bath.

exLtEveDallas · 08/12/2015 19:46

Fuck me. DD has been alone in the bath since she was about 2 years old. I would do the ironing in the next room whilst she was bathing and chattering away to me.

From about age 5 I would lie on the bed resting MNing whilst she washed and from about 8 she would take herself off for a bath or shower whenever she wanted.

I am astounded by some of the ages -and helicoptering on this thread

WhitePhantom · 08/12/2015 20:24

OT, sorry, but what's the thing about snow suits / coats under seat belts?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/12/2015 20:31

In car seat harnesses they can mean the harness does not fit correctly and with tinies overheating can be an issue

ElBandito · 08/12/2015 21:02

Up thread someone mentioned that stats for accidents on stairs are worse than baths. Agreed but how many times a day does the average person use stairs compared to have a bath? Doesn't mean much unless you calculate deaths per bath compared to use of stairs.

Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 08/12/2015 22:27

Up thread someone mentioned that stats for accidents on stairs are worse than baths. Agreed but how many times a day does the average person use stairs compared to have a bath? Doesn't mean much unless you calculate deaths per bath compared to use of stairs.

Agreed not directly comparable, but surely even the most over-protective of parents doesn't insist on walking with a 4 year old, let alone a 7 year old, every time they go up the stairs (or maybe they do!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 08/12/2015 22:34

erm, anyone think that the number of younger children NOT drowning is because most responsible parents dont frickin leave them alone in the bath??

Erm, no actually... From the responses on here (which i appreciate aren't a representative survey) a great many people leave school aged kids in the bath whilst they potter nearby... A combination of the fact they are 4 not 2, and an adult close at hand, is the reason why the stats are far lower. The number for 1&2s is significantly higher even those the vast majority seem to (rightfully) be constantly present at that age...

OP posts:
Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 08/12/2015 22:39

Naught thank you for your response. The responses from you and others who have said IWBU have certainly made me think, and I would be more close a hand than I may have been previously...

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 08/12/2015 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 08/12/2015 23:04

I may have come across as slight hard line and I don't know aggressive. I don't mean it to be the scary your child will drown, just the possibility that it might happen. And anything you can do to reduce that risk is surely better than taking things for granted.

Water is dangerous, it's about being aware the closer at hand you are the better. And yes accidents can happen at any age, and passed 11 or pubity it's unreasonable to watch them. but you teach them a respect water and water safety.

RamblingRedRose · 09/12/2015 04:58

My daughter is almost 2. I'd never leave her alone in the bath, not for a second. Shock

I think from 5 or 6, it's ok as long as you are keeping an ear out for them but I'm genuinely shocked that people would leave a toddler alone in the bath and I'm definitely not some kind of alarmist, helicopter parent (quite the opposite in fact).

differentnameforthis · 09/12/2015 08:29

I'm able to hear anything, and if one got into problems, the other would obviously say.

A couple of times I left my 2 dds in the bath. Age gp is 5yrs. I thought too, that dd would shout if anything happened, or help younger dd out ... until I realised that that is a HUGE weight to give a young child. If anything happened to her younger sister, she would live with the fact that she "didn't do anything" to prevent it. Way too big a burden for a kid.

I started to go in & chat with her. She is 8 now, and I am only ever in the kitchen (bathroom off kitchen) and we constantly talk.

If you can't give up 10 minutes to watch your kid in the bath, don't bath them.

How many saying they leave their child in a bath would leave their child in a swimming poll/nr a pond/lake?

Mrsw28 · 09/12/2015 09:03

I found out a few days ago that my DH had been leaving my 23 month old in the bath unattended. I was devastated, I couldn't articulately put into words how upset and betrayed I felt. He didn't see the problem with it. DH started to do the bath routine on his own every night when I was heavily pregnant with DD, now 11 weeks. I was so upset that I told him that he can't possibly love our kids as much as I do, as the thought of anything happening to them is unbearable and I felt sick at the thought of him leaving our DS alone and the potential for accidents to happen. I was so upset I couldn't sleep that night and told DH I was going to have a hard time trusting him bathing DS while I'm sat on the sofa cluster feeding DD in the evenings.

I don't think I overreacted.

differentnameforthis · 09/12/2015 09:28

Don't forget the risk of dry or secondary drowning either. If your child does go under, even for a second they could be at risk.

www.webmd.com/children/features/secondary-drowning-dry-drowning

BathtimeFunkster · 09/12/2015 09:59

Understanding that water is dangerous is important.

Ridiculous scaremongering about how a 7 year old can drown in a raindrop faster than the speed of light, is not.

It's like the MN obsession with rear facing child seats. Fair enough if you think they matter, but castigating people who think that actually they are not really worth it because "why don't you love your children enough????" Is just stupid.

It is extremely foolish to leave toddlers unattended in the bath, as in you need to be in the room, and under two paying close attention, sitting by the bath.

But the idea that my children are at greater risk in their own bath with me nearby and well within earshot than they are at swimming lessons when they are out of their depth is ridiculous.

I've spent a good part of my life working on water safety. Just a couple of weeks ago I spotted and saved a 3 year old in trouble in a pool.

Despite the doom mongering here, she hadn't breathed in enough water instantaneously to be dead by the time she was reached.

Applying some level of basic cop on is important.

Everything is a potential risk. Water is dangerous, so treat it with respect and understand what the risks are.

If baths were really as dangerous as some here are claiming, it would be irresponsible to give children baths at all and we should wash them with cloths.

KP86 · 09/12/2015 10:19

I think I need to explain - while my son is in the bathroom by himself during bath time, we are listening for him the entire time and stick our head in every couple of minutes. If he was ever quiet (which is is not!) then I would be in there like a shot. At most I am about 10m away from him at any one point - our flat just isn't that big!

I am not a neglectful parent, and resent the implication that this could lead to my son being removed from our family. He is a perfectly healthy and happy boy.

BathtimeFunkster · 09/12/2015 10:37

Your son is a small toddler. You should be right beside him when he is in the bath.

There is some ludicrous nonsense on this thread, but it is not safe to leave a child of that age in the bath unattended.

Maybe you should talk this over with your HV?