Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that this is a nice thing to do and not creepy/stalkerish?

123 replies

Reastie · 05/12/2015 06:37

At work a colleague has had a really rubbish year this year going through cancer (and coming out the other end) but said colleague since treatment has also been suffering with pains associated with this and depression (which she says is a common side effect at this point of the treatment). She's very open about this and talks often about it and how she's struggling through the depression.

So I decided to cheer her up I'd become a secret Santa (despite the fact there is no secret Santa at work) and sent her a card (anonymously) with a little poem about how I know it's been a difficult year but to look out for little treats and have arranged for a few little things like a roll of Christmas wrapping paper (to help with her Christmas wrapping), chocolate coins, a cracker, a Christmas tree decoration etc on her desk for her.

In my head this is a great idea but I'm now getting truly paranoid that it'll look a bit stalkerish and creepy, which really wasn't the intention. So am I being thoughtful or creepy? please say thoughtful, I'm genuinely worried

OP posts:
Itscliffmas · 07/12/2015 13:18

springy can I please be your secret Santa?? ((Serious)) I saw you car thread and that you're having a pants time and I think you deserve a bit of Christmas cheer.

op I think what you're doing is truly lovely and thoughtful. don't overthink it and let the negs on this thread question your kind gesture. I honestly think that some of the replies on this thread are sad, genuinely sad! The world needs more people like you Thanks

Stirling84 · 07/12/2015 13:35

Why not do Elf on the shelf? He could do random things right through Christmas for whole office - but drop more gifts on her desk than elsewhere?

springydaffs · 08/12/2015 00:01

Oooh yes please cliff!! THANK YOU. Just your offer is lovely in itself Flowers

Any and all gorgeousness and kindness gratefully received, no matter the size. The smallest act of kindness goes a long way [take note op], not seen on any level as creepy or weird. Some of us [your colleague] are gagging for the good stuff and have earned the right to admit it.

I hope you're encouraged op. Straight from the horses mouth, as it were. Wish there were more like you and there really aren't many, most are mean and pinchy xx

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 08/12/2015 07:06

I know Reastie and can say that no one would ever find her weird etc, she doesn't come across like that at all. That's why I don't think the recipient will find it odd.

I think it's a lovely thing to do and would love it if someone did something like that for me.

I once did something one valentine's day for the people in the community where I live that was anonymous and remember having similar doubts but I did it and it was a success, it just made people smile for a bit which is, I think, Reastie's intention.

RoastieToastieReastie · 08/12/2015 17:56

Thank you all, I have an update. After a nail biting day yesterday where I didn't hear from colleague and wasn't at work to see her (had prearranged another colleague to leave bits for her) she sent me the most grateful email today and was genuinely cheered up and touched by the idea and really thrilled. Phew, thank goodness for that, so we are all systems a go go to continue leaving the various bits for her and she has been so appreciative :)

Thank you for yr nice words Cunkofphilomena.

Itscliffmas · 08/12/2015 20:16

Yay!! That's the spirit (of Cliffmas)

I look forwards to working with the Cliffmas elves on this one, they have some fabulous gorgeousness in mind. I will PM you soon to arrange.
I hope you are feeling 'okay' today. xx

Reastie that's fabulous! I hope you both enjoy not so secret Santa week.

Maybe the doubters will be inspired to go carry out their own random act of kindness now.

(May have a little warm Christmas glow now.. Nothing to do with the mulled wine honest)

Domino777 · 08/12/2015 20:18

Can you just do it as one hamper and sign a card with your initial

RoastieToastieReastie · 08/12/2015 21:05

Absolutely cliff, glad my thread has brought some Christmas cheer for others too.

springydaffs · 08/12/2015 21:26
Xmas Smile
bumbleymummy · 09/12/2015 08:16

Yay! :)

Brioche201 · 09/12/2015 09:12

It is creepy and condescending

PurpleHairAndPearls · 09/12/2015 10:24

Well luckily the recipient doesn't think so Brioche.
**
Op I am one of the people who said I personally wouldn't be comfortable with it but I'm really glad it went down well.

Being kind is a minefield isn't it! I'm always aware of that wonderful expression about no good deed going unpunished Grin

Good result though.

Brioche201 · 09/12/2015 12:34

Well luckily the recipient doesn't think so Brioche.

or has some manners?

RoastieToastieReastie · 09/12/2015 13:12

I had a good chat with her today, she said it has really helped her get through the week and was so appreciative about it. Hooray for festive cheer and not being creepy and weird

Brioche201 · 09/12/2015 16:15

Well in that case you did the right thing!

kawliga · 10/12/2015 05:19

the most grateful email today and was genuinely cheered up and touched by the idea and really thrilled

Wow, that sounds weirdly over-the-top levels of gratitude for what is, at the end of the day, a bit of wrapping paper left on her desk.

She sounds weird if she really wrote that and not just you interpreting her polite email as 'really thrilled'. You sound weird too, OP. So it's all good, two weird people have found each other and made each other happy this Christmas. You're both happy, that's great, but this thread was really weird. I hope nobody reads this thread and thinks this is an ok way to behave in the office, making your colleagues uncomfortable with weird behaviour. We are all captive at work with nowhere to escape!

wannabestressfree · 10/12/2015 05:37

Overuse of the word 'weird'.... Hmm
I am sure she gets it and its fine. I for one think its nice and clearly appreciated so don't worry.....

ImogenTubbs · 10/12/2015 06:29

OP, you sound really sweet. Not sure why so many people have reacted so strangely to this. As someone said up thread, it's not like you're breaking into her house to leave something on her pillow. Glad she responded well (as she should). Merry Christmas.

kali110 · 10/12/2015 06:34

Glad it went down do well op!
Sorry you had some not so pleasant responses on here Hmm
Glad she liked her candle and plant!

Littleelffriend · 10/12/2015 07:44

I think it's lovely, in the spirit of Christmas

Senpai · 10/12/2015 08:08

Oh good! Glad she liked it!

You obviously know her well enough to know that she would in the first place.

I can't believe the level of hand wringing on here over some small Christmas trinkets. People need to unclench a little.

happyjustobeme · 15/12/2015 17:50

Yay! Just seeing your update, OP, and I'm really pleased athat your kindness and thoughtfulness went down so well. And also feeling very relieved, as it was one of those who encouraged it! Nice to know that we are not weird after all.

Itscliffmas · 19/12/2015 20:01

Springy (if you happen to see this) I have sent you a PM

New posts on this thread. Refresh page