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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laughed at being told to have sex 3 times weekly for 18 weeks?

112 replies

Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 22:50

Firstly apologies for tmi

DH is having the snip next week.

Told today he must ejaculate 3 times a week for 18 weeks afterwards.

Hes not partial to polishing the purple helmet (at least that's what he says, odd I know but he just isn't)

We've been together 12 years, got an 8 month old (lying on me, teething) who sleeps in with us and is currently giving us approx 2-3 hrs sleep at a time if we're lucky, a 5 yr old who gets up at 6 am. He's out of the house for over 12 hrs a day and I'm going back to work soon.
we're both shattered and whilst we'll, erm, give it our best shot, we did laugh.

I mean that's 54 times...that might take us nearly a year in normal circumstances, and that includes birthdays, anniversaries and xmas day Grin

So AIBU to think know they have very high expectations of people who've probably got several children already, given that is the reason for most men having the snip? He wasn't coerced at all no not a bit

OP posts:
Wagglebees · 04/12/2015 00:52

He's going to have to go into a little, brightly lit room in a noisy hospital and wank into a pot at some point so he'll need the practice now. Especially if he's not used to cracking on with it himself, so to speak.

There's a difference between ejaculating three times a week and having sex three times a week. 🍆💦

Wagglebees · 04/12/2015 00:53

Grin oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't think my phone emojis would work. Blush

FattyNinjaOwl · 04/12/2015 00:58

waggle Grin and what a great name for this thread

dratsea · 04/12/2015 01:42

Love the story and "Hmm...I may have to check out this story...it was his pre op phone discussion with the nurse. "

She expected what? 54 times in under half a year! No wonder nurses get a reputation! Xmas Blush

I know this is AIBU not health but I have had patients six months post op coming back with 4th or 5th positive sample as the only ejaculates were the ones brought to the lab and it does take a few (double figures but only just double!) to clear the tubes, the little buggers are more tenacious, and wriggly, than threadworms.

dratsea · 04/12/2015 01:52

Wagglebees The ones for ttc need to be fresh and kept warm, but to check the surgeon can count as far as two, (actually I did have a patient with three) they can be produced in comfort of own ....... and dropped off on the way to work. I had a girlfriend who used to spend the first couple of hours of her working day surrounded by pots of semen.

AdeleCastro · 04/12/2015 01:54

*Op, I am disturbed by the fact that your knee jerk reaction was that you had to submit to penetrative sex whether you wanted to or not

And that you were resigned to doing so*

Oh for goodness sake 😂

MistressDeeCee · 04/12/2015 02:16

OP its a good excuse for a quiet, no cooking Christmas day Grin . Any proposed guests can just be told you're extremely busy this year

I wish my OH would knock one out sometimes, he's uptight in that way too but not when it comes to the...real thingBlush

Wagglebees · 04/12/2015 03:26

Drat ah, I see. Much more comfortable then. We've only experience of the ones needed fresh for IVF purposes so produced in the world's least sexiest rooms the hospital/clinic.

Wagglebees · 04/12/2015 03:27

Grin Fatty

ComposHatComesBack · 04/12/2015 03:37

I had the opposite experience.

The Doctor said, 'I'm very sorry Mr Hat, but you are going to have to stop masturbating'

  • Why's that Doctor?

Because it is very rude when I'm trying to take your blood pressure.

TaintForTheLikesOfWe · 04/12/2015 04:36

Brian When you say it's 2.5 times a week, that half a time would be a bit sad wouldn't it? Perhaps save the half for the next week and have a full one eh ; )
OP I reckon you are on to a niche new business with the Wanker Hamper Idea. Get it patented before LoveHoney get hold of it!

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 04/12/2015 06:22

After being up ALL NIGHT with ds cutting first tooth, I can confirm it wI'll now take us around 2 years to reach the tallywank.

Wankerhamper it is then. However I'm not sure about the branding. Need to have a different name, improve the image.

OP posts:
Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 04/12/2015 06:24

Actually I've just realised then that the nurse was over egging it with her 50 off times?! Cow! She's probably killing herself laughing. It's probably something they do for the laugh "I told one bloke it was 321 times exactly and if he lost count he'd have to start again".

OP posts:
Flashbangandgone · 04/12/2015 07:16

Am astonished you are equating ejaculation with sex... I've never known a man to have an issue with masterbating, let alone when on doctor's orders. I'm pretty sure most healthy men could masterbate 3 times weekly (less any sex they may have) with any 'help' from porn or lube etc.

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 04/12/2015 07:27

Funnily enough, when he got these particular orders he and I just assumed/first though was sex more fun, but then that's just us I guess! But yes I'm fully aware either method will do!

And not all men are the same, like human beings aren't. .Grin

OP posts:
chillycurtains · 04/12/2015 07:36

Heeheehee. Laughing at a wanking sticker chart.

Seriously though do not forget other protection as I have a friend who did not do that towards the end of the time frame after her DH's vasectomy...she now has another DD! She was not amused.

PegsPigs · 04/12/2015 07:44

I am the surprise result of not waiting long enough after a vasectomy so our girls will be in secondary school before I'm convinced DH has reached his tallywank just to make absolutely, completely sure! Grin

Sallystyle · 04/12/2015 08:03

I mentioned this on another thread and people didn't believe me Grin

When dh had his we were also told he needed to ejaculate a lot before his two tests. We had a tally chart.

I helped him out quite a bit.

AF, that was a big overreaction from you.

highlighta · 04/12/2015 08:12

When dh had his, the doctor just said 6 weeks.....

I think maybe he just assumed that 6 weeks was long enough for 50 ejaculations...Wink

Hmmm so that probably explains why whey he went back with his sample, the dr said, no mr h, another 6 weeks please.....

Grin
kungfupannda · 04/12/2015 08:12

I know someone whose husband had a vasectomy and they were given a specific number of times too. So not the OP's husband just making it up!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/12/2015 08:15

I conceived my DS on Christmas Day

Ahem

Tmi?

LurkingHusband · 04/12/2015 08:18

Clearly, there aren't that many cattle farmers on MN Grin

www.wikihow.com/Collect-Semen-from-a-Bull-for-a-Breeding-Soundness-Exam

Shock
Flashbangandgone · 04/12/2015 08:19

Re-read post... Meant 'without' not 'with' porn/lube... But then all men are different i suppose.

M48294Y · 04/12/2015 08:19

I conceived my ds on either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Whilst staying in my inlaw's miniscule 2 bedroom cottage. Glad I never have to repeat that palaver.

scaevola · 04/12/2015 08:24

Time to sterility varies so much!

I read up on it when DH was going through it.

You need a mixture of time elapsed and number of ejaculations. As there are a lot of people who either don't go back for a semen check at all, or who only ever get around to testing once, trying to find the right time that will give an accurate result is important.

Some men of course are just late to clear for no apparent reason. It was 18 months before DH got his all clear.