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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laughed at being told to have sex 3 times weekly for 18 weeks?

112 replies

Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 22:50

Firstly apologies for tmi

DH is having the snip next week.

Told today he must ejaculate 3 times a week for 18 weeks afterwards.

Hes not partial to polishing the purple helmet (at least that's what he says, odd I know but he just isn't)

We've been together 12 years, got an 8 month old (lying on me, teething) who sleeps in with us and is currently giving us approx 2-3 hrs sleep at a time if we're lucky, a 5 yr old who gets up at 6 am. He's out of the house for over 12 hrs a day and I'm going back to work soon.
we're both shattered and whilst we'll, erm, give it our best shot, we did laugh.

I mean that's 54 times...that might take us nearly a year in normal circumstances, and that includes birthdays, anniversaries and xmas day Grin

So AIBU to think know they have very high expectations of people who've probably got several children already, given that is the reason for most men having the snip? He wasn't coerced at all no not a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:08

Actually just thinking of a brilliant hamper type present I could put together for him....

He's irish and most definitely would have been taught that sex and masturbation are a sin. His parents only had sex once. Fact.

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 03/12/2015 23:08

I suppose he could just think of it as physio after an op....

NameChange30 · 03/12/2015 23:12

"He's irish and most definitely would have been taught that sex and masturbation are a sin."

Sad

Some Catholics have a lot to answer for! Angry

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:13

You've all made me shudder with laughter whilst trying not to wake ds...I will just tell him to man up and get on with it. Im prepared to help out for a third of his tallywank quota...

Now, apart from tissues, porn and lube what else could go in a wanker hamper dreams of this taking off for next xmas

OP posts:
LunchpackOfNotreDame · 03/12/2015 23:13

Yanbu 3 times a year would be a result in this house!

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:14

Nope just his parents anotheremma in fact i reckon they were overjoyed to get twins, meant they didn't have to do it twice...

OP posts:
skankingpiglet · 03/12/2015 23:16

Vouchers for 'Alone time'?

IdaClair · 03/12/2015 23:17

I have been with Dh 14 Years, 2DC, we have not slept through the night in over 3 years, but none of that has anything to do with our sex life.

We do go through phases of less but three times a week would not be a problem even in a dry spell. I would have been horrified at the idea of three times a week ten years ago though so I suppose relationship length or age must have something to do with it.

I am always surprised by how little sex people say they have on threads like this. I do wonder why.

FattyNinjaOwl · 03/12/2015 23:23

Grin wanker hamper.
My DP will need one of them for after his snip.
The 3 times a week shouldnt be a problem, but then we both have high sex drives. We manage that now when we are both knackered, I'm unwell and looking after 3 DC, two of which are under 2, so I think we will be OK.

Headmelt · 03/12/2015 23:25

Some ideas for his hamper;
A few personal pictures of you Wink
A bottle of bubble bath
A recording of you talking dirty to him
Sensation lube

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:26

ida I do know what you mean but I think everyone has different sex drives and levels of what they are comfortable with, we are pretty much in tune with each other but yes there have been times when it's beenot out if synch for one or the other. For me, breastfeeding, contraception, stress, work, exhaustion all affect how sexy I feel so at times like that I'd be happier with a glass of wine and sleep...
That's not to say we won't give it a go!

I am really looking forward to not having to take hormonal contraception or use condoms though, neither help out..umm....frequency

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 23:27

Op, I am disturbed by the fact that your knee jerk reaction was that you had to submit to penetrative sex whether you wanted to or not

And that you were resigned to doing so

NameChange30 · 03/12/2015 23:28

I'm a bit Hmm at the not-so-humble brags on this thread. If you have sex at least 3 times a week, good for you, but no need to rub it in (no pun intended!) Wink

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:29

Shopping for the wankerhamper starts tomorrow! (Note to self..not xmas present to be opened in front of great aunt maude)

fattyninja you're just showing off now..Smile

OP posts:
landrover · 03/12/2015 23:29

Ida, you are a bloody saint! Smile

Senpai · 03/12/2015 23:32

Well, he does need to flush his tube and make sure there's no blood clotting that could cause blockage and infection.

But... he can play a little pocket pool. Wink

ouryve · 03/12/2015 23:34

DH never got such advice.

Thank goodness!

Original poster
Youcantscaremeihavechildren · 03/12/2015 23:35

AF..seriously? Lighten up chicken, there would have been no submitting going on!

I'm not some downtrodden wifey being made to lie in the dark with my husband having his wedded rights above me...I'm just bemused at the amount of sex/wanking the NHS seems to think is reasonable and I'm making light of our slightly less than amazing sex life post child number two. (We'll, frequency really, The sex itself is absolutely fine Smile)

OP posts:
ouryve · 03/12/2015 23:38

I am always surprised by how little sex people say they have on threads like this. I do wonder why.

Because we cant be arsed. Seriously.

DadWasHere · 03/12/2015 23:39

I am always surprised by how little sex people say they have on threads like this.

Well, quantity is not a problem is both partners are happy with whatever quantity they have. On the other hand if I said 'I go down on my wife on her birthday.' the question becomes what’s broken the other 360+ days of the year, and what happened to change something that should be seen as shared into something now seen as a gift.

skankingpiglet · 03/12/2015 23:50

Ida I've been with my DH for nearly 10 years, but you never know, in another 4 years we might be dtd three times a week too, just like you! In reality at the moment a non-sleeping partly co-sleeping toddler, pregnancy, long working hours, and sheer exhaustion get in the way. IME it's something that waxes and wanes in a relationship. I know a number of couples in RL who keep similar tallies to us, but only one who claim anywhere near your figure.

IGotAPea · 03/12/2015 23:54

Dh had the snip a few weeks ago, he was told to use condoms until he'd had his sample (which he sorted himself) tested to make sure successful, but he mentioned nothing about having sex three times a week to me.

He probably knew I'd tell him he has zero chance of that happening so just sorted himself out. :)

itsbetterthanabox · 04/12/2015 00:01

They aren't asking anyone to have sex. They are saying ejaculate. So he can do that himself. It's medically advised so he can do it whether he says he doesn't enjoy it or not. Most people don't like taking medication either but they do it!

MargotLovedTom · 04/12/2015 00:31

DH was told nothing like that whe he had his snip (and I was there for the first appointment and the procedure itself). If I remember rightly he had to supply one sample a month to be tested, for three months, then if the third sample was clear it was deemed a success. No ejaculation thrice weekly hooha. This was 7 years ago so it may have changed mind.

BrianCoxReborn · 04/12/2015 00:49

My OH is waiting for his appointment to come through.

We read up on it and the.NHS website does say it can take more than 20 ejaculations to clear the remaining sperm from the tubes. They estimate "up to 8 weeks"

Which would be about 2.5 times a week crap at maths

OH and I don't live together, with us both having full-time care of our respective children and him working 12 hour days, weekends alone are rare and sex is (sadly) even rarer. When we do get a chance it's an all nighter though and I'm walking like John Wayne and grinning like the Cheshire Cat the day after.

So even it would take us forever were we to follow the advice your DP has been given Shock

I've told OH to crack at least one off a week. It's only fair. He seemed quite keen on the idea, apparently it's not often you get told to masturbate Grin