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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's the longest you were / are single for?

88 replies

TeaFathers · 01/12/2015 12:41

Traffic post.
Early next year, I'll have been single for a decade. I'm 43.
In this time, I've had :
3 dates
2 one night stands
That's all. There seems to be no decent men left to meet.

what's the longest you've been single for?
Is there any hope for middle aged women or should I just join the nearest nunnery?

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 01/12/2015 12:43

5 years and I'm happy to stay this way, I'm 38.

Twindroops · 01/12/2015 12:47

I haven't been single at all in my adult life. BUT. I have quite a few friends that are including one, late thirties . Never had a serious relationship until last new year. She is now married and pregnant!

Another friend was fed up of being single so made a pact with herself to throw herself into online dating, meeting up with almost everyone she met online. She met the one within weeks.

Of course there is hope. There are wonderful men out there possibly just round the corner. Good luck OP.

mumblechum1 · 01/12/2015 12:50

9 weeks in 37 years Blush

wasonthelist · 01/12/2015 12:54

53, male, had several periods of singledom and involutary celebacy, most recently for 4 years. I could say the exact same about all the decent women but I live in hope (the idea not the Derbyshire village).

hefzi · 01/12/2015 12:56

9 years. I'm 41.

No dates. refuses to be drawn on the ONS issue

I seem to have been at the stage for ages where men my age have been married - now, it seems I am only of interest to the over 60s and the under 21s: neither of which group does a lot for me.

Thankfully, I am happy to be alone and haven't been looking - originally, it was a self-imposed purdah to sort my shit out: it became a lifestyle choice!

StarOnTheTree · 01/12/2015 13:04

I'm 46 and I've been single nearly 10 years. It's working out really well Grin

wasonthelist · 01/12/2015 13:06

Oh and never had a ons - wouldn't know where to get one :)

Birdsgottafly · 01/12/2015 13:06

Three years, I've lived alone for fifteen years, though. I'm 47.

I've joined online dating, but then my Mum passed away and I haven't been seriously unwell.

I don't know if it's now bad mannered to only just reply to the messages I've received.

I would date someone in their early 60's, under the right circumstances.

But I know what you mean in regards to there being a lack of "normal/decent" men.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 01/12/2015 13:07

6 months in 13 adult years.

MrsToddsShortcut · 01/12/2015 13:09

6 years and counting. Single parent with no money, can't afford a babysitter, exH rarely has kids so no opportunity to go out/meet someone. Wherever I go, my kids go too. I don't miss relationships but I miss sex Grin. I can't see things changing any time soon sadly.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 01/12/2015 13:11

About ten years. Doesn't bother me most of the time.

MaxPepsi · 01/12/2015 13:11

All my life until I was 34.

I probably went on half a dozen dates, but they were drinks only. I never got taken for a meal, or to the cinema etc.

I had a fair number of ONS in my late teens, early 20's.

I'm 40 now and married.

DH is 45 and has probably been single for 2 months maximum!

Junosmum · 01/12/2015 13:12

3 weeks...

twirlypoo · 01/12/2015 13:15

I am 35 next month, been single 4.5 years and had 2 ONS in that time, and 1 date.

I am quite stuck in my ways now, which doesn't help. He would have to be super man to tempt me off my sofa and convince me I am better off coupled up!

GreatFuckability · 01/12/2015 13:16

Currently been single for 2 years with no inclination to change that, I'm 35. In that two years I've had 1 ONS. no dates.

Birdsgottafly · 01/12/2015 13:24

I haven't had that many ONS, but I've had a few FWB.

lushaliciousbob · 01/12/2015 13:31

Never had a seriously relationship. am nearly mid twenties. Doesn't bother me too much but do get waves of loneliness.

mrstodds I really feel for you :( I'm a nanny (and babysitter!) and if I knew someone locally who didn't get any time for themselves I would seriously babysit the odd free night. You need to have some time for for yourself :)

AlpacaPicnic · 01/12/2015 13:31

Fifteen years - because I met DH at school Wink or is that not quite what you meant?!

Seriously though, I was 15, he was 17 and we've been together ever since. So never through my adult life.

Frostycake · 01/12/2015 13:32

I am 47 and in my lifetime, I have been on a hundred first dates. The longest I've been single is 2 years.

I ended my last relationship at the beginning of January 2014 and haven't had a date since. I couldn't be happier.

Like you say, there are very few decent men left in the dating pool. A lot of those I came across, appeared to be single but were married or in relationships, only telling me this after a date or two (and in one case, disappearing after 6 months, only to be seen on Sky TV with HIS WIFE. I doubt his wife ever knew she was separated tbh). In the past I've met so many men with drinking problems and debt problems and those who just want to stay at home and not work, playing on their computers. It's very disappointing. I'd rather spend time with my friends to be honest. I am in the Midlands though and there is a dearth of talent here - they either go North or South (generally South).

I think I'd have to be exceptionally lucky now to find a kind, warm, hardworking, honest man my age who likes country walks, national trust properties, tech and travel. I've been told Alaska would suit me! Grin

Epilepsyhelp · 01/12/2015 13:48

I'd say about two years in aggregate over the last 15 years. I'm a bit of a serial monogamist. Finally found the right one though!

BornToFolk · 01/12/2015 13:48

Alpaca That really wasn't the most sensitive of posts, given the tone of OP, was it? Hmm

Anyway, I'm 38 and have been properly single for 3.5 years since splitting up with my partner of 12 years. In that time, I was seeing someone for 6 months ish (complicated, a bit undefined!) No other dates. Plenty of opportunities for one night stands (Tinder is where you find those, for whoever was asking Wink) but I know that I could not handle that emotionally so avoid.

I've done online dating on and off and keep meeting men who would be otherwise perfect if not for one key issue. Current one is that he lives 60 mile away from me! So, in my experience, they are out there, just a bit few and far between.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 01/12/2015 13:53

I've been mostly single for 7 years and have loved it Grin

wasonthelist · 01/12/2015 13:53

Something doesn't add up here. I live in in Midlands, don't have an x box or a drink problem, am gainfully employed, but still single :-)

wowis · 01/12/2015 13:59

was single for 3 years after xh left. Totally felt all the men left were passive aggressive and weird, trawled through the online dating scene and after some horrendous dates (got offered drugs, was bored with flight paths, ended up sitting in a changing room while he bought some jeans all first dates too) finally met the one. He proposed two weeks ago and I just couldn't be happier.
They are out there if you aren't happy single keep looking. best thing I ever did. Smile

BarbarianMum · 01/12/2015 14:24

Up until I met dh, my pattern was short-term relationship - 5 years of singledom - short term relationship - 5 years of singledom. Being single was definitely my normal state of being.

If you are looking for a good guy then I can share my (one and only) dating tip with you: have a good look at all the quiet men you work with, meet etc. I have several friends who met really nice partners in their late 30s/early 40s. In all cases the reason they were still single is that they were far to shy to actually ask anyone out. Concentrated on careers, kind of under the radar and got overlooked. Dh was a bit like this actually - I had to make all the early moves (inviting him out for coffee, making it clear I relly liked him).

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