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AIBU?

to ask what's the longest you were / are single for?

88 replies

TeaFathers · 01/12/2015 12:41

Traffic post.
Early next year, I'll have been single for a decade. I'm 43.
In this time, I've had :
3 dates
2 one night stands
That's all. There seems to be no decent men left to meet.

what's the longest you've been single for?
Is there any hope for middle aged women or should I just join the nearest nunnery?

OP posts:

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lorelei9 · 02/12/2015 19:37

I'm 40
Been single for the last three years and very happy to stay that way
Before that, I had four relationships from 19 onwards, longest one lasted two years

In total, I've been single for a much greater proportion of my adult life than coupled.

I've not really been in a relationship long enough to confront any of those "hard work" periods couples can go through, but even then I just find quality of life a lot higher as a singleton.

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wasonthelist · 02/12/2015 19:39

Really intrigued by how many fwb things and ONS there are - men wanting/suggesting these seem to be scum amongst most women I know well enough to discuss the issues. Not preaching/judging just an interesting sample.

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ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 19:46

I wouldn't say yes to that. What a 'deal'. I said to the last man who suggested that me "you'd have to realise that that would be torture for me?" It made him go right down in my estimation that he suggested that to me. We'd had three lovely dates, got on so well, were attracted to each other. The discussion of what next came up and that was the 'offer' he made. No thank you. And I'm not a pearl clutcher. I don't judge others. I just........ want to get out of 'it' what I want, not what somebody else wants. Or I'll stay single. For another decade..........

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AtSea1979 · 02/12/2015 19:50

This time, a few weeks and it's been quite liberating! Have moments where I'm tempted to go online but that's habit more than wanting too.
Been single for years in the past. Intend to be single for a few years now. Don't like ONS, not for me.

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wasonthelist · 02/12/2015 19:52

I (am a bloke who) has zero experience of fwb or ONS but ex wife and quite a few previous gfs did - however aside from them social norm seems to be against it and offended by men suggesting - maybe it's not talked about (to me) - or maybe the woman has to suggest it. Sorry for the slightthread derail and possible weirdness.

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Cookiecake · 02/12/2015 20:01

Nearly two years now. Got together with DS's dad when we were young we were together 6 years with one small break in between. I'm 24 now.

I would love to have another relationship as I miss the intimacy massively but I think it's a big ask for someone to take on my son as well and if anything I've got more picky!

I'm not really the type for ONS or FWB I think I would end up getting too emotionally involved. So for now and the foreseeable future I imagine I will be single, which isn't that bad and at least I avoid all the drama I used to have with ex.

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Fluffy24 · 02/12/2015 20:05

Didn't have proper BF till I was 24, lasted about a year, then single for 3 years. Was sure if be single forever but met DH internet dating, now 33 and married nearly 4 years.

Not many ONSs but fwb during most of my single times.

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ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:09

Well, yeh, i think it should be the woman who suggests it. I never have mind you. But if I were going to have just-sex then it would hardly be with another adult my own age whose company I'd really enjoyed and who was compatible with me. I think to suggest it to a woman that you realise you 'click' with is quite shabby. Just my opinion. If I could be bothered, I'd shag men in their 20s. I can't be bothered. The irony really. I suspect the man my age would kill for messages in his in box from women 20 years younger than him offering themselves up. I just found it ridiculous....

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Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 20:18

My mates FWB was her plumber and another had the cable bloke as a ONS when he came round to install her cable TV. The women both did suggest it, I only gives tradesmen cups of tea and if their luck is in a custard cream, that is not a eupanism btw.

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AlphaOmicronPi · 02/12/2015 20:19

I'm 34 and have been single for just over three years now. I'm not looking for a relationship so I imagine I will be single for the foreseeable future, if not forever.

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cardibach · 02/12/2015 20:27

I'm 51. Ive been single for almost 19 years with only one short, casual, relationship early on. I'd really struggle to share my space with anyone other than DD (who is a student, so not really here anyway). I worry about old age sometimes, but a relationship now is no protection against a lonely old age anyway.
I like being single.

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lineslines · 02/12/2015 20:28

Five years, in my mid-twenties. Mostly by choice - was having too much fun to settle down, and enjoying varied dates and casual experiences (more ONS than fwb). I met a lot of men who would have wanted a relationship but I wasn't keen enough on them to commit and didn't particularly want a relationship - then I met DH who scuppered my plans.

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wasonthelist · 02/12/2015 20:47

Sorry chippy - of course I concur it's a bit shit to play along as if "properly" dating and then offer something else, just when things seem to be going well.