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AIBU?

to ask what's the longest you were / are single for?

88 replies

TeaFathers · 01/12/2015 12:41

Traffic post.
Early next year, I'll have been single for a decade. I'm 43.
In this time, I've had :
3 dates
2 one night stands
That's all. There seems to be no decent men left to meet.

what's the longest you've been single for?
Is there any hope for middle aged women or should I just join the nearest nunnery?

OP posts:

Report

tormentil · 01/12/2015 14:26

I was alone for 5 years after the death of my partner - but there were men in the background of the FWB type. In a relationship for 7 years and now single again - coming up for three years. I'm 50 and have pretty much decided to settle in a single for the long haul.

I too want a 'decent man' - wonder how we define this? My definition includes being courteous, considerate light hearted and minimal baggage.

DrDreReturns · 01/12/2015 14:30

I've been single for about a week since I was 20. I'm now 39. That's with two different partners.
If I was single I'm pretty sure I'd be really lonely.

Pandora97 · 01/12/2015 14:44

I was single for 5 and a half years between the ages of 20 and 26. Probably quite unusual for my age group but I was very focused on work - couple that with chronic low self-esteem and extreme shyness made it very hard to meet anyone who's boyfriend material. For part of that being single was an active choice as well. I got several offers of sex and a few dates but that was it.

I'm 28 now and have been single the majority of my adult life. Think from the age of 18 I've been in a relationship for the equivalent of 2 years or slightly less. I'm always a bit baffled by people who say they've only been single for 2 weeks in 20 years of adult life but I'm sure they're equally as baffled by me. I'm so used to being single that I find it hard to think of my life any other way.

wasonthelist · 01/12/2015 14:55

Wowis some quality dates there!

FrogFairy · 01/12/2015 15:06

Single for the last 12 years.
Celibate for the last 15 years.
No dates in that time. I have no desire to marry or live with anyone. While I sometimes feel lonely I now think that I don't even want to meet anyone. Too fucked up and have read too many awful stories on here. Not everyone gets to live happily ever after in the traditional Fairy tale way.

Foslady · 01/12/2015 15:10

47 and 6 years and counting. Have what ha become a sort of fwb but seeing as he lives an ocean away not exactly practical! Have spent my life in love with said guy but not in a place to dump him and get on with my life yet despite being lonely (I'm crap at relationships). Married twice in that time and both was a disaster - too young the 1st time for him to realise it wasn't just about having a place of your own and 2nd one ended up abusive (not that he'd say that......)

LuciaInFurs · 01/12/2015 15:11

This probably doesn't count as I met my husband at 19 and he was my first everything but I would say I was single for one year. Isn't 18 round about the age that most people start dating? My mother is 51 in December and has been single since my father left in 2002. She hasn't dated or slept with anyone (very, very Christian).

SummerNights1986 · 01/12/2015 15:15

Dh and I got together when I was 17 (and 9 months). Prior to him i'd had one boyfriend for a few months when I was 16-17.

So I was single for around 7 months, now aged 29.

pullofthemoon · 01/12/2015 15:22

35 years

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 01/12/2015 15:26

I'm 33 and been single nearly 4 years. Ex ran and came back,ran and came back so I've lived on my own with ds since I was 17.

No dates.
Certainly no one night stands!!!

Readysteadyknit · 01/12/2015 15:39

About 10 years - a few dates but no one I wanted to have sex with and anyway I'd decided not to have a serious relationship til DC were older. I've quite enjoyed not having to compromise but it would've been nice to have an adult to share the ups and downs of life at times. I can't see me meeting anyone now.

bibliomania · 01/12/2015 15:40

Being single feels like my default state. After a brief and disastrous marriage, most recently I've been single 6.5 years (I'm 41).

dogwalker75 · 01/12/2015 16:07

Almost two years and I'm not in a rush to find anybody! There are certain aspects of relationships I miss, but not very often.

I have nobody screaming and shouting at me or threatening me and it's bliss after being with DS's dad. Not sure I want to take the risk of ending up in a relationship like that again.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 01/12/2015 16:50

41-yr old man here, single since May 2010. Five dates, no ONS. Getting incredibly lonely because I am one of those decent guys so many women on MN seem to refuse to believe exist.

Polgara25 · 01/12/2015 16:52

THIS!

"If you are looking for a good guy then I can share my (one and only) dating tip with you: have a good look at all the quiet men you work with, meet etc. I have several friends who met really nice partners in their late 30s/early 40s. In all cases the reason they were still single is that they were far to shy to actually ask anyone out. Concentrated on careers, kind of under the radar and got overlooked. Dh was a bit like this actually - I had to make all the early moves (inviting him out for coffee, making it clear I relly liked him)."

The above written by BarbarianMum. This is true. Worked for me.

Watchatalltimes · 01/12/2015 17:22

11 years next year. I'm 32. I've given up as there's no decent men out there. .

BeckerLleytonNever · 01/12/2015 17:26

20 years . (Im in my late 40's)

and itll stay that way forever, Im not attractive or have the best personality.

plus Im disabled.

potent mix there!

Wheretheresawill1 · 01/12/2015 17:26

Forever it seems. I've stopped thinking about it and accepted my lot in life but it makes me sad that my 30s have been mainly celibate with just 3 short lived relationships - 1 with a man who clung on non committed for 3 years. Another who couldn't decide if he had a girlfriend already and I'm ashamed to say a tomboy who definitely did but he was hottest thing I've pulled and much younger

waitingforsomething · 01/12/2015 17:35

4 years between finishing uni and meeting soon to be dh. I loved it- did my own thing, lived in loads of places, worked out what I wanted to do

Headofthehive55 · 01/12/2015 17:44

12 months, first year at uni. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince....I think I went through the whole pond!

abbsismyhero · 01/12/2015 17:45

6 years then i met my stbexh ive been a single parent of three for over 12 months i don't get it i wash ive my own teeth clean clothing i eat with my mouth closed im fairly decent dammit! i am not horrible looking there are people out there on jk who look a mess and they have sex why cant i? is it because im 40? ive three kids? no idea but the only guy who seemed remotely interested in me and flirting with me has cooled off ive literally no one interested in me at all

im in the midlands too

CainInThePunting · 01/12/2015 17:59

I'm 40 and have been single since 2007.
I've had one ONS but he is a man I've known for a few years and still talk to.
I've dated two men for a couple of months each but not slept with them.
I'm currently chatting to a nice man from POF.
We shall see. I'm in no hurry.

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TeaFathers · 01/12/2015 21:57

well, as a bit of cheer - i can add that i know 4 women (all in late 30s and 40s) who have recently coupled up, all having been single for years and years.
there may be hope.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 01/12/2015 22:02

Don't assume that just because someone is in a relationship they are necessarily happy ............... remember 'the grass is always greener' and all that .

atticusclaw2 · 01/12/2015 22:05

Two years at university twenty odd years ago. It was a good time to be single....

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