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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask what's the longest you were / are single for?

88 replies

TeaFathers · 01/12/2015 12:41

Traffic post.
Early next year, I'll have been single for a decade. I'm 43.
In this time, I've had :
3 dates
2 one night stands
That's all. There seems to be no decent men left to meet.

what's the longest you've been single for?
Is there any hope for middle aged women or should I just join the nearest nunnery?

OP posts:

dangerrabbit · 01/12/2015 22:15

All my life until I was 26.

Cinnamoncookie · 01/12/2015 22:20

18 years, I'm 40.

Preciousxbane · 01/12/2015 22:23

I was single for one year from 29 to 30

I do have two friends who have coupled up in their forties both married within last few years. One marriage is wonderful.

One marriage is on the rocks very badly, she is being abused as far as I'm concerned and have told her, she is minimising it all. He will get half her assets he brought nothing to the table, she is quite wealthy and thinks it will be all ok, I'm really worried about her.

CremeEggThief · 01/12/2015 22:27

Single and celibate for 3 and a half years. I'm 37 and was with XH from 19 to 34. I don't want a relationship, but I wish I had FWB.

OfficeGirl1969 · 01/12/2015 22:28

Not been single at all since I was seventeen........
There are occasional days where I wonder what it would be like to be "just me".....just mildly curious as to how it would feel......
Only very infrequently though!

imnottoofussed · 01/12/2015 22:42

Never been in a relationship but had a few ons in my younger years and have a 14yo DD to show for that too scared to consider meeting anyone now I wouldn't know what to do

19lottie82 · 01/12/2015 22:45

Was pretty much single until I met DH when I was 28 (now 33). Had a long term FWB (which prob clouded my judgement a fair bit IYKWIM) and a few flings, but DH is my first serious relationship .

miaowroar · 01/12/2015 22:49

Single for nearly 13 years (I am 60).

Celibate for a few years before that - maybe 15?

I don't see it changing. I am not unhappy most of the time but sometimes I get lonely, but I just feel I have now missed the boat.

Ex (together 29 years) remarried within weeks of our decree absolute and is still married to the same person. So it must be me.

Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/12/2015 22:54

Lived alone all my adult life, 15 years. 37 now, always been in a relationship up until last year. So I've been single for over a year now, no dates, no ONS. Not even a whiff of a decent man! did think about converting!

Actually I love my life, I travel when I please, got my horses and chickens, great mates......I dont actually need a guy, they just get in my way

Katarzyna79 · 01/12/2015 22:58

never dated single until I got married so up to 26 yrs old I bet you're shocked lool

Katarzyna79 · 01/12/2015 23:02

miaroar you just passed my record dammit! lol I don't think you've missed the boat I;ve read about people senior to you finding love again, usually when they're not expecting it. I wish you the best.

hopefullyhorses so expensive i'd love one you are lucky!!! it's true relationships are hard work, especially men it was easier having friends.

AlpacaPicnic · 02/12/2015 09:15

You're right borntofolk I didn't read the op properly. I apologise for being clumsy.
I read it too quickly and thought it was just one of those chatty posts.
Apologies to tea feathers.

ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 09:19

Left my children's father at 36. Have had two very short almost-relationships since then. So basically 8 years. I am trying to meet somebody at the moment but it isn't easy.

Branleuse · 02/12/2015 09:20

i think about 3 months

Pranmasghost · 02/12/2015 09:20

Since the age of 16 I have had only 3 serious relationships. I am now 71. I married all three. I was effectively single for 18 months between dh2's death and getting together with dh3. Dh2 was already a friend when dh1 had an affair and we moved seamlessly into a relationship.

Branleuse · 02/12/2015 09:20

not very good at being single

TattyDevine · 02/12/2015 15:43

Not single, still married 15 years now and a serial relationship/dater before that, but just to wade in to agree about the quiet bloke thing.

I wasn't actually looking for a relationship when I met DH, but he was one of those "quiet career blokes".

He was dragged out to the pub one night after work, I knew of him from the organisation I was working with at the time and had never "noticed" him.

But he was standing shyly at the bar with the colleague giving me the glad eye because he'd had a few drinks and it was obvious to me that he so would if he could.

I started to think about him a bit after that and there seemed to be chemistry when we bumped into each other around the building. And he started hand delivering all his memos and letters for my boss to me!

He never seemed to come to the pub so I hadn't seen him since out and about. There was a leaving do one night, a few months after I had originally noticed him and I said to a colleague "make sure xxx is there tonight". He said "who's asking" and I said "never you mind, just make sure he's there!".

He was there

Colleague was a total gob shite who obviously told him who wanted him there which I was kind of banking on I guess, so DH had the balls to come up to me and start chatting when he arrived at the bar. He asked me out for the following night and we went to Chinatown and snogged in the tube station for ages.

I went back to my flatmates and said "I'm going to marry him!".

And I did

Readysteadyknit · 02/12/2015 16:33

That's a lovely story Tatty

thelouise · 02/12/2015 16:57

A relative had a few boyfriends in her later teens/early twenties but (for reasons I do not know) never dated/met anyone after that. Thirty odd years later, she got chatting to a man whilst waiting in a queue. Within months, they were married and living together. They are blissfully happy. :)

pasturesgreen · 02/12/2015 17:17

I'm thirty and I've never been in a long term relationship.

At first I was looking but I've become quite stuck in my ways and now I think I can say I'm genuinely happy this way.

This thread is giving me hope, though!

exexpat · 02/12/2015 17:25

I was single for 8 years, from 38 (when DH died) to 46 (got together with DP). No dating/OLD or anything in that time, I wasn't looking for anyone, we just met in real life.

winterinmadeira · 02/12/2015 17:32

10 years although I do have a fwb type thing going on/off. I'm 45 and happy to stay single. I have a few dates and had couple of offers but nothing to take too seriously!

ModreB · 02/12/2015 18:08

I have not been single since being 16yo. I am now 48.

DH is a saint.

ChillieJeanie · 02/12/2015 18:22

17 years. I'm 38 and my last relationship lasted about a month when I was at uni. It doesn't bother me in the slightest though.

Melawen · 02/12/2015 19:34

Hmmm - 41 (female) and terminally single!!! A few first dates but nothing stuck. And now I can't imagine figuring out how to share my space with anyone other that my DD(3) who was donor conceived as I gave up looking!!

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