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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want friend to bring her new boyfriend when she comes to stay

41 replies

Sequine · 30/11/2015 14:18

They've been together for 3months. We live a long way from each so when she comes to stay it's usually for 3-4nights.

She's in a new relationship and wants to bring him. Although there's a double-bed in guestroom, it's a small 3-bed apartment and I feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger staying. DH will be out at work on weekdays. I have a 3-month-old baby and am BF plus expressing every 4hours.

WIBU to tell her she can't bring him this time?

OP posts:
KeepOnMoving1 · 30/11/2015 14:19

I don't think yabu, it does change the dynamic a bit especially as you haven't met him before. Maybe just say you were looking forward to catching up with her and also with the new baby things are a bit hectic right now?

CultureSucksDownWords · 30/11/2015 14:20

No YANBU. I'm a little surprised she's asked, given how new the relationship is.

TwoSmellyDogs · 30/11/2015 14:22

Definitely YANBU - if I were you I'd want to have met and interacted with him in other settings before he stayed in my home - and even then this is not really a suitable time with you having such a young baby.

Idefix · 30/11/2015 14:22

Your house your rules?

Have you met him op? I would just not invite him, make it very explicit to friend you are expecting only her company.

She may of course say no, do they currently live together? I presume she would ask to bring him if she was not sure.

Idefix · 30/11/2015 14:24

Sorry I just re read and see she has asked. I would just say no and reasons why and arrange to get to know him better.

JustAWeeProblem · 30/11/2015 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberryandaflake · 30/11/2015 14:27

Definitely not unreasonable . I guess she doesn't have babies yet and doesn't realise what hard work they are. Just explain that it's not a good time but in the future then yes.
If she's a good friend she'll understand.

LaLoose · 30/11/2015 14:37

YANBU. There's a tiny baby in your flat. I have six year olds and I wouldn't have a man I didn't know stay the night in the same house as them.

Also, what if you don't like him?

She shouldn't have asked. Surely she can be without him for a short while?

ovenchips · 30/11/2015 14:37

YANBU. If it was me and I would answer something like I'm looking forward to getting to know X but as I'm still getting to grips with new baby and am knee deep in breastfeeding and expressing, I'd prefer not having him stay on this visit.

Of course, she's probably at the stage of dying to show off new boyfriend and feels a weekend away from him is just too long, so don't be too surprised/ disappointed if she then doesn't want to stay herself. Wink

It's a bit tricky at mo as you are both embarking on new but different stages and you can feel a bit ditsanced from each other. Time will probably rectify that.

AskingForAPal · 30/11/2015 14:45

YANBU and I think she was a bit bonkers to ask TBH unless you've been talking a lot about how much you want to meet him?

Maybe they're one of those "can't be apart" couples

Viviennemary · 30/11/2015 14:45

YANBU. She is quite cheeky to ask IMHO. I'd hate a male stranger staying in my house. It's just not on. Tell her no.

BaronessSamedi · 30/11/2015 14:53

YANBU.
tell her no.
bet she'll back out though.
cheeky mare. she just wants a cheapie weekend away with him.
or else, she's so insecure that she needs to bring him with her in order to keep an eye on him.

zeetea · 30/11/2015 14:56

Lol askingforapal I loathe those couples! 'We are ONE PERSON now!' Yurgh!

YANBU at all, I also think it's a bit odd she asked in the first place particularly as you have a new baby about! I say put it all on the little one lol - you're uncomfortable having someone you don't know around whilst in the middle of breastfeeding/getting into a routine/you're tired and aren't ready to be around people you don't know yet, and that tbh you were looking forward to catching up with her. She should understand.
The new mother card trumps new boyfriends! Wink

MerryMarigold · 30/11/2015 14:56

I think YANBU considering the breastfeeding and just not being able to be fully relaxed in your own home (with a stranger to you there). You must be shattered. Just say you're really sorry and you really do want to meet him, but you are so tired and won't feel fully relaxed around him, mention the feeding etc. If she's a good friend, she should understand.

specialsubject · 30/11/2015 15:06

no. And I expect once he finds out that there is a baby in the house with the attendant disturbance, he won't be that keen either!

is it really the time for guests of any kind?

whois · 30/11/2015 15:09

I'm looking forward to getting to know X but as I'm still getting to grips with new baby and am knee deep in breastfeeding and expressing, I'd prefer not having him stay on this visit.

This.

No harm in asking if she is excited for you to meet him. But no harm saying no either.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/11/2015 15:31

I'd definitely say 'no' to him staying in my home since you're still 'settling in' with the baby. I'm assuming you and she will be staying in and catching up most of the time since you're BF and expressing? Not much fun for him and a bit 'uncomfortable' too. And I wouldn't care to be used as a hotel for the two of them if their idea is that they'll be going out together during the day leaving you at home. That kind of defeats the purpose if the visit is for you two friends to spend time together.

ovenchips · 30/11/2015 17:13

PS I promise I'm not on commision (given the number of times I harp on about it on Mumsnet) but I really recommend one of the famed Faber & Mazlish tomes, specifically 'How To Talk So Teens Will Listen, And Listen So Teens Will Talk'. I've got it on my Kindle app and it's an easy read.

I know your 'teen' is upper end age-wise, but given the circumstances (still living at home, still acting like stroppy teenager, testing boundaries etc) I think it would still be highly relevant. It really could give you a new approach that will change things in your family.

ovenchips · 30/11/2015 17:14

SorryBlush wrong thread.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/11/2015 17:17

Definitely not being unreasonable.

Original poster
Sequine · 30/11/2015 17:57

Thanks for replies... I'm going to tell her not to bring him. Haven't met him, she lives a 4hour drive away, they don't live together.

I think she's excited about having a boyfriend, she's been single for 10years so guess she wants to show him off... but I don't want a stranger staying in my house especially when I'm bf! When she asked she mentioned DH and I often have couples to stay, but it's different as we've been friends with them for years and I feel comfortable around them!

OP posts:
mintoil · 30/11/2015 18:03

YANBU, but to appease her maybe suggest that you can meet him next time you are in their area, she is visiting. That way she will know it isn't that you are being a smug married or suggesting her new boyfriend isn't going to be around for eva and eva Grin

BaronessSamedi · 30/11/2015 18:14

that'll be it, then. if she's been single a whole decade, she must be thrilled with herself that she's met someone.
still would be a 'no' from me.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 30/11/2015 18:17

God no. Say no.

She's being very cheeky and a bit mad to ask, IMO.

Bet she cancels.

ecuse · 30/11/2015 18:31

I would play on the bf angle if you feel awkward about saying no -'oh I'd love to meet him of course but I'll be sitting round with my baps out most of the time so I think it would be a bit uncomfortable this time, sorry'