To not want friend to bring her new boyfriend when she comes to stay

[Sequine]

They've been together for 3months. We live a long way from each so when she comes to stay it's usually for 3-4nights.

She's in a new relationship and wants to bring him. Although there's a double-bed in guestroom, it's a small 3-bed apartment and I feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger staying. DH will be out at work on weekdays. I have a 3-month-old baby and am BF plus expressing every 4hours.

WIBU to tell her she can't bring him this time?

Definitely 'No' and she's being very unreasonable to even consider him coming too. Clearly she doesn't have a clue what it's like having a newborn baby

I am a bit the other way, if she has got quite quickly into a serious relationship then maybe you have to adjust to her being in a couple. Time gets much quicker as life goes along and if you don't meet him now when will you?

I got together with my Dp a long time after all my friends had coupled up and had spent a long time being single and quite lonely. When I got together with him we had an in depth conversation quite early on - were we on the same page re long term relationship and having kids, enough to make it worth staying together which was very different from when I was younger,

As an old friend maybe she wants two very special people to her to meet - or maybe they want to check out the realities of having a small baby

I'd agree with you FFP if OP weren't BF a 3 mo old baby. If it was a situation where OP and her DH were more available to do 'couple things', or even if OP were more available to play 'gooseberry' out and about, then I'd be more likely to say let him come. But she has a 3 month old and is BF, she's a bit more tied down than before and wants (rightly) to be able to BF or pump without having to scuttle into the bedroom.

Has she had you and your dh to stay with her as a couple? Do you socialise with just her or has it been a three since you have been with your dh? Has she been there alone at all your social occasions such as weddings, birthdays but accommodated both of you at hers? If it's the latter then I would say that she is definitely not being 'cheeky' to have expected to be able to introduce her new partner and think that lots of people on this thread could have a lot more empathy with single people. There are some really nasty responses on here.
However, your concerns about bf are perfectly valid and I'm sure have not even entered your friend's mind. A simple explanation is all it would take. Perhaps try to arrange another time to meet him. It's an exciting time for your friend. After ten years she really deserves a chance to share that excitement with you! I'm sure she has shared in your excitements over the years. That's what friendship is all about!

No way. Regardless of bf, there is no way I'd have house guests other than parents when you have a newborn. Hell no. She is being v cheeky asking. Why would he even want to stay? At 3mo, you'll be up all night anyway so it's not exactly gonna be a quiet place for him to get some sleep. Added to all that, no way would I want a stranger staying in my home, especially with a newborn.

Shouldhave, I used to visit her on my own as she's my friend rather than DH's. She hasn't had any events for us to attend. It's a 4-hour drive so we don't meet up that often. When she came here we used to do some things as a 3 (dinner when he's home from work, watching film in eve etc but also girly things, spa days, shopping etc.

Thing is I'm quite fussy about overnight guests, I like to know people well before I trust them in my home. She's only known this man a few months so I worry she doesn't really know his character yet. I'd prefer to only ever host close friends (or people I'm comfortable being in PJs around!) but it's tricky when they have new partners!

How are you going to ever get to know her bf if you live 4 hours drive away from her? Surely he's always going to be a 'stranger' until you've got over that hurdle.

What's it going to be like for your friend to come and stay now, on her own, while you and dh and your baby are a happy family, adjusting to new routines, unlikely to want to stay up late to chat with her, or to go out partying with her? Maybe the friend was anticipating all those changes and thought that bringing her bf would give her some company at busy family times. Maybe she thought that she and bf could go out sometimes and leave you to have some family time, maybe she thought she was being considerate. Maybe friend thinks that a 3 bedroom apartment is big enough for guests.

OP, x-posted and just read your previous response - so I guess you won't be having girly spa days or shopping expeditions, so what is your friend going to do while she is with you?

How on earth are going to get to know her bf well if you can't meet up? Unless you have some pretty good plans to meet up half-way on several occasions, you are really risking your friendship. ime remaining close with friends can get even more difficult as your dc get older - in the 18month to 3 year old stage it is difficult to even get to the end of a conversation uninterrupted, so not even much chance for a good gossip.

Well the friend could stay at a hotel instead of in the OPs flat. Then the OP can meet this new man without any pressure.

I'm pretty relaxed about having strangers stay, but with a newborn and when you are barmy with tiredness and spend half your time at home in PJs with massive wet stains on your chest, awake at 3 am and dropping with exhaustion at 2 pm - that's a reasonable time to say "I'd love to meet your new partner, but this is really not the right time for him to stay".

Surely your friend is coming down to meet your new baby? I think it's a bit weird she wants to introduce her new bf at such a time.

I wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding round some random bloke either. I would also politely suggest he doesn't come this time. He might be a lovely guy, but now is not an appropriate time for her to bring him.

Yes it might be hard for her to watch us 'play happy families' if she's missing him... but at same time i don't want a stranger hanging around. I imagine we'd be staying in most of the time with some trips to park/town/coffee-shops with baby, lots of chatting and catching up. Yes maybe she's worried she'll be bored and wants her boyfriend there so they can go out... but I don't want my home used as a base right now or for a romantic mini-break!

Hotel is a good idea! I'll suggest if she wants to bring him they need to get a hotel this time.

Definitely suggest a hotel for the both of them. Then they can have time together and she can come and meet the baby. As 3 days will probably be boring for her if you can't really do much. Other people's new babies aren't as exciting as I'm sure you understand. Are you unhappy op? Just from saying "play happy families".

A hotel would also be a good time for you to meet him without any pressure.

A hotel is a good idea, because what are they going to do all day? It's quite a long time to be listening to you both catch up and I suspect he would feel awkward at many things, even being asked to hold the baby.

He might be lovely and great fun- call her and ask if she's thought it through:) housework, cooking, shopping, will they help with that? up all night and busy all day with the baby. She must be a very good friend. And will they be shagging all night whilst you creep about with the baby? He might prefer a hotel really:)

Or ask her to come alone and if you are having the baby christened, say you'd like to meet him then.

Breastfeeding and expressing every 4 hours!

I wouldn't be getting up to answer the door, never mind entertains friends and friends boyfriends. How do you have time to go to the toilet even?

Tell them to get a hotel.

Why are you expressing so much alongside feeding, out of curiousity? That's some determination.

When will he not be a stranger if he never comes to visit?

But at 3 months nah, they will be sickly and might as well be at home alone