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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Done to death but.... Fear of motorways...

131 replies

TheMightyMing · 29/11/2015 15:14

I have been driving since 1995 and have never had a accident other than a couple of people crashing into me at low speed. I used to drive anywhere without even thinking. However about 7 years ago I had a minor incident where I broke down on a motorway and ever since have developed a stupid fear of motorway driving and haven't been on one since.
I don't have to use motorways for work which is just as well as the ones by me are always packed- but it's becoming a real pain. My sons school and best friends live 15 minutes away by motorway but the best part of an hour by normal road.
My husband is a policeman and advanced driver and he has offered to come with me but I think it might make me worse. I am not a nervy person otherwise so I don't know why I am so scared.

Any ideas on what I can do?

OP posts:
Frankel1 · 29/11/2015 20:44

This happened to me a few years ago. For no apparent reason my heart started racing and I thought I'd pass out. It was one of the most unpleasant experiences I've ever had. I got off the motorway at the next exit and drove home on country roads. As soon as I got off the motorway the panic disappeared.

Then, I had to pick up my DS and his friend which involved a 40 mile drive on the M4 so I made up a story about the motorway being shut and we had a slow journey home through towns and along lanes.

If my DH is with me I know if a panic attack starts then he can take over.
Just knowing that means I'm absolutely fine with him in the passenger seat.
He takes beta blockers for a heart condition so I take one of those on the rare occasions I have to drive on the motorway alone. The other thing I do is drive in the slow lane so I know I can pull over easily if I have to.

I wonder what causes this quite common problem which seems to only affect people on motorways.

pointythings · 29/11/2015 20:46

I really would second getting some lessons. I am a confident driver under any circumstances, but I really struggled for a while after being rear-ended in busy traffic on a dual carriageway. Car was written off, I had proper whiplash and my first commute back to work was really hard to do, so I sympathise. I didn't need lessons, but I would have had them if things hadn't cleared by themselves. You deserve to have support, driving should not just be a chore.

Topseyt · 29/11/2015 20:59

Violet, I really know what you mean about modern street lights. Is it something to do with energy saving light bulbs perhaps?

One of my other problems is the glare from oncoming car headlights, especially if there is a long stream of them. Modern ones are just soooo bright that they dazzle on dip.

I wonder how much longer I will be able to continue driving at night, just being realistic.

One way or another, I am becoming more and more of a local driver as I am getting older.

RiverTam · 29/11/2015 21:00

If cars were undertaking you on the A road then you were in the wrong lane. All lanes apart from the outside ('slow') lane are for overtaking.

I think some advanced lessons are needed. Even if you want to 'pootle' along in the slow lane you need to be able to drive at at least 60 comfortably and to be able to change lanes (for example to overtake HGVs or at a junction to allow cars on to the motorway).
Motorway driving is not just about driving at just under 70, it's about responding to the road conditions.

Good luck!

GloriaSmellens · 29/11/2015 21:01

Oh my God I had no idea this was a thing, I thought it was just me being a wuss! I identify with everything that has been written here.

I used to drive on motorways all the time, no problem, long journeys on my own etc. And then one day I had a big panic attack on the m3, in a bit where there was no junction for miles, and ever since then I have been completely shit. I sometimes have panic attacks now, even just driving on my local dual carriageway. I have to open the window, grip the steering wheel and ride it out, but its just horrible, especially if I have the kids with me. I haven't driven alone on a motorway for ages now. My local motorway is now one of those smart motorways, so I can't even tell myself that if the absolute worst comes.to the worst I can pull over onto the hard shoulder and get us all out of the car, not that I would ever really be able.to do that anyway as it would just be too dangerous, its.completely irrational.

My DH can't really understand it , he drives miles on motorways every day and, he keeps telling me that motorways are the safest bits of road, but it makes no difference. I hate being like this and am seriously considering some sort of CBT to help me as I hate being so pathetic, so its actually quite nice to know that I am not alone.

Bounced · 29/11/2015 21:03

Has anyone had any sort of successful treatment and can recommend a method / person / company? Googling driving anxiety brings up websites that set off all my 'scam' alarm bells but I wish driving wasn't an issue for me, it's a pain and so limiting.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/11/2015 21:07

I love motorway driving I feel so much more in control and able to plan my journey than on other roads. I have broke down on the motorway and it didn't put me off as I ensured I had breakdown cover and kit in case of emergency- warning triangle, first aid kit, phone charger, blankets etc.
Going on short non essential journeys really helps take the pressure off, I used to force myself to go a junction or two and it really helps boost confidence.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 29/11/2015 21:23

Some driving instructors specialise in motorway anxiety - might be worth trying to find one of them?

ForCh1na · 29/11/2015 21:25

Another one feeling so very grateful for this thread. Thank you for making me feel less like a freak.

BBCEssex your post was especially interesting as I'm exactly the same with situations where I feel trapped or can't get out. That is exactly my problem. If there is any more advice you can offer, I'm all ears.

I drive every day on small roads and am absolutely fine and do it without thinking about it but when it gets to a dual carriageway or motorway - anything I can't get off if I want to - I panic. It's incredibly frightening to have a panic attack whilst driving at speed. :(

My biggest worry about this is that our nearest A&E is not near, it's 40 minutes away and it's all on huge dual carriageway with massive roundabouts. Very, very scary. I feel very worried that one of my children might get sick or injured and I have to drive them there whilst having a panic attack. I don't like the feeling that there is a barrier here - I think I need to do this route a few times but I just don't know how to start.

ForCh1na · 29/11/2015 21:26

I'm another one who struggles to see at night, by the way, I wonder if there is a connection? I feel quite dazzled and dazed by oncoming traffic.

talkinnpeace · 29/11/2015 21:31

I prefer motorways
99.9% of the time there are

  • no pedestrians
  • nobody coming at you from the other direction
  • nobody crossing the road
  • no bikes
and all the oncoming traffic appears in the rear view mirror first
TheWatchersCouncil · 29/11/2015 21:40

If you can do dual carriageways, you can do motorways. Hardest thing is getting on them, and that can be much easier than getting on a dual carriageway.

Seriously, book some motorway lessons.

hiccupgirl · 29/11/2015 21:54

bbcessex I hadn't thought about it being caused by not being able to escape but that makes perfect sense. I had being thinking down the route of feeling out of control but it wasn't quite sitting right.

I struggle on any road where I feel I can't stop when I'm having a panicky day. And it's normally long, wide stretches of road where you end up with a car up your boot even though you're doing the speed limit - I can do 60 fine though I'd struggle to do 70 now I think. It's bizarre because I have no problem with heavy traffic or tricky junctions and I could drive on a motorway if I knew it would all be 40 through roadworks with lots of traffic. i really hate the motorways that don't have a hard shoulder anymore.

bbcessex · 29/11/2015 22:16

For all of you struggling, you have my sympathies. I know exactly how limiting it is. I used to sit as a passenger on the motorway, watching other women (in particular) driving along, often with their kids in the car, and be full of envy.

Don't give up. In my own situation, the fear of motorways turned out to be nothing at all to do with a fear of motorways. Therapy for me was the answer, and opened the door on other things that I hadn't really realised were holding me back.

I'm off to a different location at work this week; I have a 200 mile drive early in the morning and I will enjoy the solitude :-) :-) of having the radio to myself and no-one wanting me to do anything or referee a squabble :-).

ForCH1na.. I will PM you the name of the therapist I saw as part of 'Driving Solutions'. It seems that Driving Solutions are no longer operating, but I've googled the therapist and she has a practices in London and still lists 'driving phobias' as something she specialises in.

bbcessex · 29/11/2015 22:22

hiccupgirl You are a good driver; probably a great driver. You've just got yourself wound up in a situation that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I imagine it's easily sorted with the right help.

stairway · 29/11/2015 23:31

Oh dear... Yes yanbu.
I have many driving issues.. Motorways are one of them though parallel parking in front of bunch of men is my biggest fear.
I've managed to drive 5 times on them now but never alone.
I have some issues with 5 th gear too. This is because 3 rd gear is a bit dodgy on my car and it wouldn't always go in which lead to some scary situations in my first year of driving. I'm worried about selecting the wrong gear or the gear not engaging properly.
First time on the motorway I had to stay in fourth gear the whole way!

Original poster
TheMightyMing · 29/11/2015 23:39

Talkinpeace the limit on the A34 was 50 so I wasn't much below , I wouldn't dream of driving at that speed on a road where you could do 70. I rarely get to go above 30 on the roads I drive on that's why I am not used to driving much faster.

The thing is I think I am a good driver on normal roads, very aware, keep safe distances etc. I just need to transfer that to a motorway situation. Lessons it is I think.

Crazy to the think that I have driven to Ipswich and Coventry from Manchester in the past without turning a hair, how's it got to this :(

OP posts:
Macsmurray · 29/11/2015 23:39

Maybe if you can't handle everyday driving situation smoke motorways orris savours you shouldn't be driving!

Macsmurray · 29/11/2015 23:42

I'll retype that due to autocorrect.

Maybe if you can't handle everyday driving situations like roundabouts and motorways, you shouldn't be driving.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 29/11/2015 23:54

Bbcessex please could you PM me the therapist details too? I have the same issue and can get to London easily (on the train!) and would love to make an apt with someone who is tried and tested :)

Original poster
TheMightyMing · 29/11/2015 23:58

Macs that not very helpful. I never said I couldn't handle roundabouts , I am perfectly fine on them , I don't think anyone could drive in this country if they couldn't navigate a roundabout. I haven't had an accident ( other than two people going up my rear one when I was parked in a car park) in 20 years of driving so I don't think I need to give up driving. It's just motorways I have an issue with, hence my post.

OP posts:
Macsmurray · 30/11/2015 00:02

What scares you about motorways? They're actually very easy to drive on, in spite of the fact that the speed is higher , everyone is going on the same direction.

PurpleDaisies · 30/11/2015 00:04

Have you actually read any of the thread macs? Hmm

Original poster
TheMightyMing · 30/11/2015 00:06

The speed. Getting hemmed in between big trucks. Getting hit by a big car ( mine is small). Not being able to get off at the junction. The whole thing really. People drive so aggressively these days, plus half of them think the 70 mph is optional ( from my experience when I am with my husband on the motorway) .

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 30/11/2015 00:08

I'm the exact same never been s confident driver, I drive round town everyday now fine even do a mile it so of dual carriageway every few days but if I go anywhere new I panic. Haven't been on a motorway in years.

Make a mistake in town you'll get a bump on a motorway you could be dead.

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