Done to death but.... Fear of motorways...

[TheMightyMing]

I have been driving since 1995 and have never had a accident other than a couple of people crashing into me at low speed. I used to drive anywhere without even thinking. However about 7 years ago I had a minor incident where I broke down on a motorway and ever since have developed a stupid fear of motorway driving and haven't been on one since.
I don't have to use motorways for work which is just as well as the ones by me are always packed- but it's becoming a real pain. My sons school and best friends live 15 minutes away by motorway but the best part of an hour by normal road.
My husband is a policeman and advanced driver and he has offered to come with me but I think it might make me worse. I am not a nervy person otherwise so I don't know why I am so scared.

Any ideas on what I can do?

I find it very very difficult too, op.

I go slow and steady- and arrive at my destination wringing with sweat.

After passing my driving test I didn't go on a motorway for about 3 years, despite living smack bang in the middle of several major motorways. I never had a bad experience, was just scared. Then my DH (then boyfriend) got made redundant and had to give back his company car, he was out of work for a few months. We didn't live together then so wasn't possible for him to drive my car much. Suddenly all the motorway driving he had previously done had to be done by some one else - me! After a few ridiculously long A road journeys, he managed to coax me onto one late at night when it was empty and we just drove up and down between 2 junctions for a couple of hours and worked up for, there. Now I can't imagine what I was ever scared of.

Is there a patch of motorway near you with junctions only a couple of miles apart?
Then go out early on a Sunday morning - 8:30 am
and just do that one junction.
Then come off and Go Home
THe next time you'll be happy to do it a couple of times
but each time stop before you think you've had enough : that way you'll reassure yourself each time.

Excellent advice.

Same here and it is getting worse as I get older.

Am a confident town driver and don't mind traffic jams

In fact I prefer busy motorways as it is the high speeds that frighten me

The 50mph limit imposed all around me while smart motorways are installed are actually a boon to me

I make myself drive on them though. At my destination I am wringing with sweat and stiff as a board for holding myself tense. I can manage 1-2 hours at most, then that is me done.

I have poor night vision too, so avoid after 5pm at this time of year (except for my journey home from work which is 2 junctions of very familiar travel)

I'm fine once I'm on the motorway, but it's getting on the bloody thing in the first place that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate Traveling up that slip road and having to make decisions at high speed
I have this fear that nobody will let me in. Then what do I do?

I also don't like it when I'm on the motorway and other people are joining and they look as if they will put out in front of you.

I'm fine on dual carriageways and large roundabouts

Oh, OP, where has this thread been for the last 7 years of my life! I am just the same, I have a massive fear of highways/motorways and cars and driving in general. I was in a horrendous crash 7 years ago...car flipped, twice, slid across six lanes of traffic, lucky to be alive. We were literally dragged out of the mangled car which was on its side.

I have since rarely driven and am a terrible passenger. It's a real issue for me as I live somewhere where you really have to drive to get anywhere. I had hypnotherapy but it did nothing. The only thing that works is Xanax but it's impractical for everyday use.

Am watching this with great interest.

The people I know who have a problem driving on motorways are all women.

Why is it mainly women who have this problem?

Just start doing it. If you feel anxious just acknowledge that's all it is-an unfounded worry and it won't logically affect how you're driving.

Plan some short trips with stops at services or only part of the journey on the motorway. Know what your timings are so you can count down only 20minutes until a stop (or whatever time works best). Decide you're going to stay in the inside lane and not overtake anything unless you're feeling confident enough to do it. Either have some calm music or none. I used to find having a pot of mints easily accessible on the passenger seat a good distraction if I felt nervous. Don't wear a coat or thick jumper so you don't feel hot and sweaty.

It honestly gets better the more you do it. Really good luck with it.

Maybe men aren't brave enough to admit it ?

Blimey interesting to see others with the same issues as me, the stupid thing is I know its ridiculous but that doesn't stop how I feel!

I am better on A roads but still get very stressed if there is bad traffic, I have a good friend who lives in Birmingham which is 2 hours on the motorway from me and at the moment getting there seems impossible

Op I think building up slowly so aim to go just one junction to start with and aim for when its likely to be quieter.

I have this problem too.

I passed my test in 1990 and drove on motorways straightaway with no problems. I have never been in an accident and was a very confident motorway driver until having a massive panic attack when driving at night and overtired 2 years ago. Since then every time I try certain dual carriageways near me I start panicking and I haven't driven on a motorway since then.

I find sometimes I can do short stretches a the road I really hate but I have to be in a calm place and just do it. This weekend I was very tired and not feeling well and tried driving literally 500 yards between 2 junctions and was in complete panic. So really don't make yourself on days when you can tell you are under the weather or feeling generally anxious.

I've just started counselling to try and tackle my general anxiety at the mo and I'm really hoping it helps the driving too.

Sympathies. Exactly the same thing happened to me after a near miss in the car, even though it wasn't on a motorway and I wasn't even the driver - go figure.

I did continue to use motorways though was very nervous. After about a year, it started to improve and - 3 years later - has totally gone. So hang in there, OP

Aww you lovely lot! Thanks for the hints, tips and sympathy and interesting to know it's not just me. I think I might see if I can get a lesson or two, or try the on for one junction thing. I never liked pulling out even when I used to go on motorways, so I would be happy just to pootle in the slow Lane.

I need to crack it though because it's absolutely ridiculous. I was offered a job opportunity a while back that required motorway travel and I didn't even countenance it- what made me laugh was when I told the recruiter why, he laughed and said his wife was just the same!

This might sound weird but the miles display on my car is digital rather than a dial, and that scares me as well. I was on a 50 miles an hour road (A34 - I think it's a dual carriageway?) and because I am not used to going over 30 , it was stressing me out driving in the 40s and because there was traffic coming on from my left hand side.

Anyway, it's time to get a grip.

You definitely need a course of lessons. If going over 30mph is frightening for you, you need some help to build your skills before even thinking about driving any distance.

After that second post, it does sound like a bigger problem than motorways. 'In the 40s' is considerably slower than the 70 you'll need for a motorway. This seems to be an issue with driving generally. Surely most drivers drive at 40+ on a regular basis without going on motorways.

You aren't alone. I can only sympathise.

I have just got back from visiting my elderly parents this weekend. I used to drive it (3 hours each way, much of it on motorways). These days though, I have such a phobia of long distance and motorway driving that I book train tickets instead or I wouldn't relax the entire weekend.

I also have the problem of poor night vision, which is a particular problem at this time of year, so only drive after dark on well known, local and reasonably well lit roads.

I hate motorway driving, I'm 62 and have never had an accident. It never used to bother me when I was younger but I did it so infrequently just the thought makes me feel sick.
DH is a driving instructor and can't understand why, which doesn't help one little bit!

Coming down the M6, in pouring rain, dark and windy, this evening he didn't bat an eyelid but I would have been terrified.

It's good to know I'm not alone

My vision isn't good at night, which makes things worse.

Maybe just join at leave at the 1st exit you come to and build it up to getting to a destination when you are comfortable.
I have only been driving 2month max and on picking up my car got chucked in the deep end of motorway driving as I had no other option, it wasn't fun. In the last fortn8ght have driven 2x 100 mile round trip on the M8 in severe weather conditions, it was scary but no different from when I was nervous as a new independent driver.

I barely have to use bypasses etc and avoid them if it makes sense, as mostly the traffic is high and using back rds is just the same time but less traffic.

Yabu to have fear but you need to face it to get over it.

Hi there OP.

You could have been me 5 years ago.

I could write pages and pages, but in summary: passed my test at 17, drove for my job for 18 years, from one end of the country to the other. No problems at all. One night, overtired, too many coffees, had a panic attack on the M6... went from competent to a wreck overnight.

Didn't drive on motorways / A roads / many places far from home for 10 whole years. 10 years.. OMG. It restricted my life.

I tried counselling with 'normal' CBT therapists.. no good.. I remember one who was about 20 miles away, giving me directions for the M40.. I thought 'hmm.. perhaps I didn't explain to you properly what my problem was'!!!

Anyhow - long story short.. I eventually googled something and ended up with read this article in the Guardian that was written about 13 years ago.. I had around 5 sessions with Driving Solutions, and that was is. I don't think they are around anymore, but I bet another firm / similar organisation will be. They were two people - Damien & Carol - he had been a police advanced driving instructor, Carol was a therapist, they specialised in helping drivers who had had some kind of trauma (be it an accident, a panic disorder or similar).

I'm attaching the link because the content may ring bells with people and you will realise that a: you're not alone, and b: your problem is solvable.

www.theguardian.com/theobserver/2002/oct/20/features.review37

What I will say is that in my instance, although my panic / anxiety manifested itself mainly in driving on 'fast' roads, it wasn't just limited to that (I know this now, I didn't really at the time). I was avoiding many situations where I 'couldn't escape / get out' and seeing Damien / Carol made me realise that although driving was the physical sense of the problem, I needed to address the other stuff too.

Which I did, and for the past 7 years, I've been back to normal, driving anywhere, everywhere, nowhere - whatever is needed and whenever needed.

DO NOT GIVE UP. Not driving on motorways, A roads, over bridges, under bridges, whatever your particular thing is, is debilitating and unnecessary. Seek help and sort it out.

THE END!!!

Good luck to all xxxx

Sorry yanbu

MightyMing
If you were concerned at driving on the A34 at more than 40 you need to have lessons pretty urgently to build up your skills.
The speed limit on a normal dual carriageway is 70mph

book some lessons on normal roads and get your confidence built up.

I also have the problem of poor night vision, which is a particular problem at this time of year, so only drive after dark on well known, local and reasonably well lit roads.

Me too.
It's not helped by the newer types of street lights which are everywhere now, which, instead of giving an even covering of light seem to throw off concentrated puddles of light, followed by a long stretches of darkness.

Now I'm scared about driving at night given all these people with "poor night vision"! I only hope they all have the insight you lot seem to have.