to not do sleep training?

[ppandj]

This has probably been done to death on here but I would like some advice- feel free to read or not even read and run if you want to.

DS is 7mo now and he sleeps like this;
bath, feed and cuddle before bed at around 7/7.30 put down in cot. He cries pretty much every 40 mins after that but settles when we go up to stroke his head or give him a quick cuddle which takes about 5 minutes.
Feed around 9.30/10pm then depending on how settled he is he usually comes into the bed with me (dp sleeping on sofa!)
He then sleeps in bed with me and wakes at 1am, 3am and then at 5am is awake for the day.
He has 3 naps per day, 2x 40mins and 1x 90mins if I'm holding him.

He is BF, has a dummy, sometimes rocked to sleep but only half the time- other half he falls asleep being held but not rocked. Never falls asleep alone in the cot.

Weaning is not going well but rather than be frustrated I'm trying to be lead by him and keep mealtimes/food as fun as possible.

I am working part time now doing 3 evenings per week so in that time dp does childcare often with help from pil. Then I get home at 11pm on those nights and feed DS and if necessary bring him into bed.

DP (understandably) doesn't want to sleep on the sofa, I don't want him to either. We would really like it if DS would sleep in his cot and for longer stretches of time but both of us do not want to sleep train if we can avoid it. I'm not asking for 10 hours straight- just a bit longer than 3 being the maximum.

Will he just grow out of this by himself? Is it the bfing? Have we indeed "made a rod for our own backs"? Am I being a bit pfb in wanting to avoid sleep training?

Sorry it was so long and thanks in advance if you can help.

How long is your ds awake for during the night? You said in your op he's easily settled in 5 minutes for the evening wakings but not for the night ones. In general if your ds sleeps from 7pm to 5am at night (with minimal time awake for feeds)and around 3 hours in the day then he's getting 13 hours which is fine for a 7 month old. Then the main issue seems to be where he sleeps.

I'm no expert but in my (albeit limited!!) experience if you co sleep and don't sleep train then, of course your baby will "get there in the end"- they all do- but it might take much longer. My ds is 23 months and among my group of around friends, all with babies the same age,those who sleep trained had babies sleeping for long stretches in their cots by the time they were one, those that didn't are still having some night wakings now (though they're already getting better).

Ds woke every 90 minutes-2 hours from being 7 months to being 11 months old. I was pregnant and exhausted. We did cc for 2 nights (and the second was only 1 waking) and he's slept through ever since. Of course the one night was awful but it was one night. Those calling sleep training child abuse are, imho, talking nonsense. Obviously my ds was older than yours when we didit and we night weaned first but you shouldn't feel bad about it if the time comes when you want to try it.

Thanks! One thing that did work (only twice i will add!) Was singing - i put ds in cot andhe started crying, i picked him up and cudled him for a bit (he had been fed and changed so i knew nothing was bothering him) put him back down and he cried again, but i lied next to him and sang a song, he stopped crying. When i stopped he was fine for a bit then cried again but stopped when i sang again then went to sleep - worth a shot!

Just an update...

Last night, in desperation, DP decided (without speaking to me first) to start doing sleep training with DS in the cot. He didn't leave the room he stayed in there but DS got so upset with crying that he projectile vomited all over himself and the cot. He was soaked so I got him changed and put a new sheet down but by this point DS was wide awake again. Total disaster.

So now I feel even more shit about the whole thing!

Oh dear op. It does sound like your ds just isn't ready for a cc type of sleep training yet. As I said in pp we did cc when ds was 11.5 months but when we did it he was night weaned and he would self settle (well, with a dummy but going into the cot awake)for naps so we knew he could go to sleep on his own and could go the night without milk. Maybe try to tackle naps in his cot first? Is he at nursery whilst you work? What do they do there?

You both have to be on board for sleep training.

Seriously it might be worth trying again tonight.

If he's sick again it's a reasonable physical reaction to crying. He may not be even sick. It won't cause him Any long term harm anyway.

yes honestly I know it sounds hard but you both sound at the End of your tether just like we were with ds1

It worked on day 3. The others were the same.

You need up Be consistent and sorry a bit tough.

Toddlers will have you up all night every night if they could as they want your attention of course they do. However as the rational responsible adult you know you need sleep to function and time as a couple. Your dh sleeping in the sofa night after night is crazy.

However it's obviously completely your choice and everyone is different

but just one thing. All my 4 are fantastic teens/adults and sleep training did them and us a huge huge favour. We all slept. The day time was then fun time.

Life turned from a hopeless grey to a bright yellow.

The OPs baby is 7 months old, not a toddler. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable that crying until vomiting is a reasonable thing for a baby that age.

Yes I would agree 7 months is at the young end for starting but I think k if her dh had started to try it might be worth another go.

They both need to be on board though as that's just confusing the child and will cause more problems and resentments between 2 already exhausted people.

Staying in the room can just be very frustrating and upsetting and over stimulating for some babies. My baby cried for every sleep but would stop by the time I'd walked downstairs. If I'd have been with him he'd just do anything but sleep and be pissed off that he was stuck in his cot.

I was told that staying in the room can actually make things worse and cause more upset for the baby as they get more angry because you're there but not picking them up.

It was just one person's theory though, I doubt there is anything to back it up

I suppose it's more confusing. I think I wouldn't mind trying the idea of putting them there and walking away and giving it time but I'd have a time limit on how long I'd be happy to let them cry. Which is probably counter productive. Oh well. Probably a good thing I'm not planning on it.

I did increments of 2, 4 and 8 minutes.

I thought sleep training would be incredibly hard from an emotional point of view but I was so close to cracking up from exhaustion that I purposefully detached myself from what I was doing so I could just focus on the end goal.

I think DP was attempting shhh pat thing, but as I said it was spur of the moment and a bit ill thought out. While I was at work last night DP tried to put DS in the cot and he wouldn't even stay in for the 40 minutes he had been doing. Basically DP didn't want to continue and doesn't want to do sleep training for a while, I never wanted to do it in the first place. So we are onto the new plan of coping strategies instead, this might involve DP embracing co sleeping or I will put a mattress on the floor in DS's room and go in there.
Thanks for all the advice.