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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re my mum congratulating my pregnant friend before me (Facebook one, sorry)

43 replies

wtfisgoingonhere · 28/11/2015 21:12

So.... in the middle of watching Dr who when my phone rings, it's my mum, so I message her to say I'll call her back

My phone buzzes and she messages to say that my friend is having a baby (yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Eeek exciting!)

Knew it would be via Facebook so go looking for post and find my mum's already posted on it

Aibu to feel a bit put out?

Fwiw I'm currently going through a pretty tough time with depression which I realise may skew my emotions.

Text mum to say 'Yay, but you posted first' and she says that's why she rang so I could post first but she still did

Please be gentle I'm having a shitty time of things lately but this has really upset me

OP posts:
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/11/2015 21:15

I think it's a bit crap of your friend. I would never announce anything of Facebook until close friends and family knew first.

Sirzy · 28/11/2015 21:15

I don't really see why it would be an issue?

Try to focus on the positive side of it and not worry about who saw what when

PippaPug · 28/11/2015 21:15

In the nicest possible way YABU
She rung you - you said to xall back and she already posted
Your friend will not care nor even notice
Your mum didn't realise how it would make you feel and didn't do it on purpose so let it go

Take care of yourself X

SallyStarbuck · 28/11/2015 21:19

I'm sorry you're feeling down at the moment.

That's not something I would say would generally be an issue, assuming your mum knows your friend too. But it's obviously upset you. Can you say why?

redgoat · 28/11/2015 21:19

Sorry, YABU for the reasons the above posters have put. It wouldn't even enter my head not to post a congratulatory message to someone in case someone else became offended they hadn't posted first.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 28/11/2015 21:19

In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. As long as you congratulate her too, it's fine.
There doesn't need to be a pecking order here.

Goingtobeawesome · 28/11/2015 21:20

Why do you have to comment before your mum? Confused

sugar21 · 28/11/2015 21:20

Good grief

cardibach · 28/11/2015 21:21

I think if you post something on Facebook you recognise that people will see it in a random order so don't expect those closest to you to post first, so don't judge anyone who posts later. Your friend will not care, so I think YABU.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 28/11/2015 21:21

In the nicest way possible, it is a non issue. Why on earth does it matter who posts first?

KeepOnMoving1 · 28/11/2015 21:22

Yabu and being very childish, what is the race to beat your mum posting first? I didn't even know something like this can be an issue.

GabiSolis · 28/11/2015 21:22

I'm not sure I understand where the issue is here. Are you jealous of your mum? Is there some sort of history with this friend?

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time but I think it's likely YABU.

ImperialBlether · 28/11/2015 21:24

I don't understand all this stuff on Facebook but I do think it's odd your mum is muscling in on your friendship.

LastOneDancing · 28/11/2015 21:25

I think if it's up on FB it's fair game for comments by anyone really - I have never thought there would be an order in which people are expected to post, it's down to whoever happens to be checking their feed at the time.

Your friend will probably just scan through the list of 'congrats' and think it's nice you both sent your best wishes.

Wishful80montage · 28/11/2015 21:27

Sorry OP I don't understand are you put out that your mum knew first? If a then yabu your friend chose to let everyone know via FB, your mum couldn't help that she saw it first?
Are you annoyed because she posted before you? I also don't understand why that's a problem either

formerbabe · 28/11/2015 21:32

I don't think it matters who posts first. Surely it just means who was online and happened to see it first? No one cares the order of the comments do they? It just is in order of who happened to be on fb and saw it. You are over thinking it.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 28/11/2015 21:32

I think being entirely rational and objective, you are being a bit precious about it. However, you have depression and therefore your feelings are not entirely rational or objective and YANBU to feel how you feel.

I do understand, my depression tells me all sorts of things i should be feeling hurt about that in the rational light of day are really trivial. Mental illness doesn't really care about actual reality though.

Take care of yourself, maybe try and reflect why this made you feel this way, what is it about your mum posting first that upsets you? Are you concerned about your friends reaction, do you feel your mum is stealing a friendship from you, do you feel that you are not as good as your mum if you don't post before her? All feelings are valid because you feel them. But perhaps examine if they are appropriate reactions to the situation.

Original poster
wtfisgoingonhere · 28/11/2015 21:33

I know it's illogical. I'm not annoyed my mum knew first, she is practically glued to Facebook!

I'm a bit upset she posted first (irrational I know) as she only knows my friend through me, and has met her once or twice.

IABU I know, just feeling pretty shitty at the mo

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 28/11/2015 21:35

But why?why does order of posting mean anything Confused

Original poster
wtfisgoingonhere · 28/11/2015 21:35

Thanks all for comments, guess I knew it was unreasonable but wanted to vent a bit.

Karaoke - I think you summed it up re the stealing /being a better friend

OP posts:
TrinityForce · 28/11/2015 21:37

I'm sure your friend won't have noticed or care about the order the posts came in... I'm sorry you're having a rough time Brew take care of yourself.

OddlyLogical · 28/11/2015 21:37

This is an issue that has never even occurred to me before!
How can the order of who posted on Facebook have any meaning at all to anyone?

Congratulations to your friend.

FoundNeverland · 28/11/2015 21:44

YABU. I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed but really if she was such a close friend she would likely have told you before posting on FB if she wanted you to know and acknowledge her pregnancy before everyone else, including your Mum.

Fairenuff · 28/11/2015 21:46

Surely people post in the order that they read the message? I don't see what difference it makes to the recipient. Isn't it just like randomly opening birthday cards or something? The first ones aren't any more important Confused

FoundNeverland · 28/11/2015 21:48

Imperial - it likely depends entirely on the relationship. I have a very close friend who my Mum has known since we were 11. If my friend posted on FB that she was pregnant and my Mum responded with congratulations I wouldn't think for one minute that she was 'muscling in on the friendship.'

What a bizarre thing to think.