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Original poster

How to politely decline giving cigarettes to colleague?

129 replies

ChangingLivesOneday · 28/11/2015 16:05

I work with a woman who is otherwise a great colleague and friend in so far as our working relationship goes but over time I've noticed that she asks me a bit too much for a cigarette. On the first few occasions I didn't think much of it and just gave her one if she asked but now I have a sneaking suspicion that she's purposefully asking me my lunch plans so she can tag along and bum a smoke.

I don't smoke during work hours, only during lunch and on the way home. But she'll occasionally come to my desk and ask if I have a cigarette which I invariably do.

I have tried only having 2 cigarettes in the pack, as such when she's asked I've been able to respond saying, "I only have two, one for lunch and one for walk to tube" (not that I should explain that to her but I feel the need to). However, I fear she'll catch on and indeed why should I only carry 2 cigarettes at a time.

I don't mind it occasionally but I can't afford to subsidise her smoking habits. As I said, she's otherwise a great colleague and we do get along but I feel myself being put off because of this smoking issue.

I'm not for the famous MN line of 'No' is a complete sentence so would welcome something a bit more tactful but indeed if the case is that I should just say 'No' then how should I handle it?

OP posts:
FinestGrundyTurkey · 28/11/2015 20:16

But yes

'Have you got a cig?'
'Yes, thanks' smile

End of conversation?

If not

'Can I have one?'
'No, I haven't got enough'

Don't say sorry & don't say/show how many you have got. You don't root in her bag, you don't know how many she has!

ImperialBlether · 28/11/2015 20:36

Does she ever come up to you at break times without asking for a cigarette?

Rainbunny · 28/11/2015 20:42

When you get through your stock of cigarettes you could consider trying an e-cig instead, that way you don't have to share ever again :)

amicissimma · 28/11/2015 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 28/11/2015 20:55

You are making this complicated because you dont want to get into a confrontation say no ive only bought 10 to last me x days or you could ask her to bring her fags for tomorrow for you both either way if she is goung to be miffed she will be miffed stand up to her she is a cheeky moo asking every day.

JadziaSnax · 28/11/2015 21:07

Switch to roll ups. Very few people scrounge hand rolled cigs. Plus it's a lot cheaper than buying a pack of cigarettes

expatinscotland · 28/11/2015 21:31

Look, you are making a mountain out of a moehill. 'I only have enough for me, sorry.' Over and over.

MrsJayy · 28/11/2015 21:36

Yeah ^^ just keep repeating no ive just got enough for me she is taking the piss

earlgreycat · 28/11/2015 22:02

"No I don't have any spare"

Or laugh and say: "You can buy your own you know"

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/11/2015 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/11/2015 22:09

Get an inhaler
Tell her you have been diagnosed with asthma
Therefore you only bring 2 fags to work per day

or tell her the truth ? Fuckinf scab she is these days fags cost 50p !!

laundryeverywhere · 28/11/2015 22:14

My Dh did actually give up smoking because he got sick of people taking his flags and never giving him one back. That was over 20 years ago and he never smoked again.

Eminado · 28/11/2015 22:16

I must be VERY poor! I would not tolerate this - red face or not.

50p a cig? £8 a week? Over £30 a month?
Oh hell no! Shock

Jux · 28/11/2015 23:21

I bet she's meant to be giving up, but has actually only given up buying them.

Ask her if she's supposed to have given up.

Hissy · 29/11/2015 07:44

"I can't afford for us both to smoke so one of us will have to quit"

THIS! This is what you say to her Grin

RamblingRedRose · 30/11/2015 02:34

I actually think Wolfie nailed it in the first post. Just say you only have enough for yourself and leave it there. If she persists say that cigarettes are expensive and you can't afford to share. I wouldn't faff around with only taking 2 or hiding extras. It's not like you work closely with her and if she does take offence then it shows that she isn't a very nice person so not worth worrying about anyway.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 30/11/2015 03:09

You don't need to come up with complicated explanations or feel uncomfortable saying no.

As PPs have suggested - "I'm sorry but I can't afford to give you cigarettes every day." She can't argue with that.

SladeGreen · 30/11/2015 03:10

I used to have this exact problem with someone I lived with. She would cadge a cigarette from me once a day, then it turned into 3 times a day, and then I got into a ridiculous situation where I was buying a 20 pack and handing over 10 of them to her, because she didn't have any money to buy her own. I was in full time work, she was on benefits. I also used to buy her food and snacks, all the time, as well as lending her money when I got paid (around £200).

In the summer, I went on holiday for a week and started using an eCig, and when I got home guess what her first question was? Yep, she wanted a cigarette. When I told her no, because I was using an eCig, her face dropped. She was obviously disappointed at not getting her fix from me.

Fast forward a year later, I totted up all the money she owed me (the borrowed cash, not sundries), told her I was moving out, and the cash she owed me would cover my month's notice on the rent. Then I packed my bags and never looked back.

Sounds harsh, but she used me, and took advantage of my generosity. I felt like such a mug when I realised how much money she'd siphoned from me. I was a total fool for doing it in the first place but I will never, ever fall for it again.

Senpai · 30/11/2015 03:28

I have asked her in the past just to test the waters and she did offer one up but as I always have my own I don't want to enter into a game of even-scores iyswim.

If that's the case, she might not see the problem, if she gives you one when you need it to. She probably just doesn't see it as a deal.

I'd just tell her playfully "Get your own, I'm not your sugar momma" or something like that. It doesn't have to be a super serious baring of feelings or anything cringe worthy like that.

Footle · 30/11/2015 18:52

So did she get her fix today, OP ?

biggles50 · 01/12/2015 18:12

Next time she asks say "sorry I can't afford for me to smoke let alone you as well!" Big smile.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/12/2015 18:27

Think about it this way, OP - if she was asking you to give (not lend, give) her £30, once a month, what would you say?

Or if a man came up to you in the street and asked you for a kiss. Or if I asked you to give me your car. If someone asked you to quit your job, so they could have it. If someone asked you to give them a sentimental possession that you love.

I am sure you would find it much easier to say 'No' to these requests.

So you need to change your thinking - when she asks you for a cigarette, she is actually asking you for money, and just as it is entirely reasonable for you to say 'No' to a cheeky request for cash, it is OK to say 'No' to this request for a cigarette.

When she asks you, picture other requests that you would have no problem saying 'No' to, and channel that feeling.

Destinysdaughter · 01/12/2015 18:35

This is one of the ( many ) advantages of switching to e cigs. No one can scrounge a fag off you any more!

MatildaTheCat · 01/12/2015 18:45

Sorry, I'm cutting back so will only ever bring two a day, one for lunch and one going home. Why don't you do the same?

This will only need to be said once very nicely. If she asks again she's an idiot and you can say the same but with a distinct edge to your voice.

ChippyOik · 01/12/2015 18:47

or you could say "can I have a car?"

Just for a joke.